Love Left Unspoken
by InnocentRaccoon
Summary: Nanoha is getting help from Hayate and her knights to cope with her life after her break up with Fate. Is there something more involved than just friendly feelings? What made the perfect couple fall out? And is it really that final, for everyone? Rating stands for themes, some language and to have more leeway with the contents. (uploaded ch9 Endured)
1. Enclosed

Innocent Raccoon presents :

Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha Fan Fiction

Love Left Unspoken

 _/AN: A Word of Caution : This is a yuri-themed non-NanoFate fic. If you are offended at the thought of Nanoha not being with, or having a relationship with anyone other than Fate, or of yuri, this mostly likely is not a suitable read for you. However, for anyone open to yuri-pairings outside NanoFate I would encourage to give this one a fair chance._

 _On another note, I am working on a heavily NanoFate themed AU multichapter work and I hope to able to release it in the near future, this one just happened to come out first, and thus will have more focus until completion._

 _Now, without further ado, please enjoy this fanfiction to any of it's possible extent._

 _[Edit : fixed a few Hayate's lines to be in line with her accent.]  
_

 _Disclaimer : I own nothing from MSLN series. Just hoping I did.._

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

"Vivio! Are you ready? Let's go! Hayate-chan is waiting."

"Just a minute~"

Hmm.. That means about five minutes for a quick check. Purse, check. Contents; wallet, keys for car house, spare key for Vivio's bike, passkey for work, ID, Instructor license, inter-dimensional communication device, strawberry flavored lollipop, few pieces of bubblegum, napkins, bandages, aspirin, anti-freeze, antiseptics and okay I probably don't need this all but I guess it won't hurt. Vivio might be a big girl, but I'm still her mama. *sigh* Okay, lastly; extra hair-bun, small pouch containing my make up and a small mirror, check, all clear and good to go.

Now, the real question – how do I look? Am I good to go?

"Raising heart, 3d mirror, please."

For the umpteenth time in the past hour, I call for the holographic full scale mirror.

"Y _ou are ready, my master._ "

Crossing my arms, I give a few taps on my right arm with my left fingers and raise my eyebrows looking at the red glowing orb called 'Raising Heart', my Intelligent Device.

" _Alright, my master._ "

"Thank you." I thank my Raising Heart with a hint of apology mixed in. I know better than to snap at her just because I'm nervous. It's sounds like a poor excuse and something that does not suit me, but I can not help it. I feel like I am doing something, bad.. Something I am not allowed to, even when it's only a friendly outing, some fun in the park, a show, a dinner and maybe a few drinks with my dearest friend when the kids have gone to sleep. Like Hayate-chan says, I am entitled to a little fun, right? I deserve a break every now and then, right? It is not, it's not.. wrong, is it? Fate-chan would agree, surely..?

I breath deep letting the air in filling my lungs to collect my calm and take a good look at the holographic reflection of myself.

My hair is tied at my usual ponytail on the side, today I chose right, normally I wear it on the left side. I feel like I want a change, but I can't let go.. Sad how much my hair reflects me, clinging on to a ghost of the past, when I am the one speaking everyone of going onward.

I lean in closer to make sure I have no lose lashes. It feels weird, wearing mascara, looking at carefully plucked brows, seeing the peach-orange eye shadow and rosewood red eye liner I feel like I've done something inexcusable. My eyes don't look mine. I never used to wear much cosmetics. Moisturizers and occasional light foundation with a flavored lip gloss, either strawberry or peach, those were just about everything. Today.. I try to be new, try something new, I don't know.. Maybe I'm making excuses so I could run away, again.

I straighten my back and look at the woman the reflection portraits. The marigold blouse lies under a mahogany jumper dress with a bronze shawl laid over the shoulders. A golden triangular amulet was left hovering over the mounds the breasts form on the clothes. It is a very precious gift from my dear friend, from my daughter's 'other mama', from my - I guess it's finally safe to say - now ex-girlfriend..

An issue I don't feel comfortable touching right now and one of the reasons we're heading out today. I've spent last weeks in a fog, veiled in a dark shadow and made even Vivio worry. I feel a failure as a mother. I don't know if I could have made it without Hayate-chan and her knights. Truth be told, it's nothing new, they've saved me countless times as I've practically had to raise Vivio on my own all these years despite all the promises we made for each other.. and.. I don't want to smudge my make up right now.

Ding Dong Ding*

"Aunt Hayate~!" Vivio runs energetically to the door and almost hits the woman behind slamming it open.

"How many times I'd told ya to stop calling me aunt? Makes me feel so damn old!" Hayate steps in the hallway speaking loudly stopping briefly to take Vivio in a full bear hug. I can't help but smile at the scene. It's so funny to see my friend try to pick Vivio up like she was still little when she has already reached older woman's height.

"And how many times have I told you to stop teaching my child such language?" I still have be firm, even if it is mostly futile.

"C'mon the kiddo's hearda lotta worse things in school by now."

"That's true ma~" Vivio turns to me with a cute a matter of fact face and lets Hayate free from their embrace smirking. "..it's also true that you're old _Aunt Hayate_."

"Why you little-"

Vivio sneers pulling out her tongue flashing by Hayate with her new moves she had learned training her Strike Arts and jumps out to meet everyone left outside.

"You should watch who you let Vivio hang out with, she's picking up some bad influence."

"And who's influence is that?"

"I dunno, some very fine woman who's quirks got'cha out of your lump, least for a minute, now c'mere lemme take a good look at ya."

Hayate steps in closer wearing her usual playful smile on her face.. and switches it to an acted look of astonishment.

"Oh my~ You're so.. Orange! Took legs right under me."

I can only giggle at her expressions and gestures. This really helped to change the mood. I feel grateful, but I have to get a word in too.

"And you're.. Flowery?"

My astonishment is more akin to a genuine bewilderment, because.. She indeed looks a bit fluffy bud of a forget-me-not on her light azure blue dress with lightweight baby blue frilly layers on the outer hems. Looking further, the blue little flower has silver barrettes forming a cute H on her coffee brown hair she has let grow down near her shoulders. Seems she's fully set on growing a long hair after all.. Not that I mind.. Or that it would be any of my business.. I just think it will be a change, a positive I'm sure..

"But why, I am a delicate lil' flower. So whadda ya say we go right out on the sunshine before I wither in here?"

I smile at her playful wink and as I turn to pick up my purse I take a note on the detail that the white strap sandals she wears on her feet, do have a flower decoration. So it was intentional, even if unusual. I spin back around and decide to convey my appreciation also in an unusual manner. It might just be the theme for the day, unconventionality.

"First though.." I hug the blue little flower in front gently but tightly. "..I think this flower needs some love."

"Ooh~ If ya ain't careful, you'll be sending misleading signals, missy. Not that I complain, but I thought it'll be a family outing so I gotta hella wrong kinda lingerie for a hot date."

I giggle for her efforts in covering her nervous embarrassment in her peculiar humor. She always falls deeper in her accent when she's feeling flustered, or highly emotional. I choose to take it as a compliment this time as she finally gives in embracing me back and gives me a little peck on the cheek.

"I love you too, hun. Now let's go out n' have some fun~"

"I hope Vivio hasn't had too much fun already.. It'll be a challenge if the Wolkenritter are exhausted before we even get to the theme park."

Hayate let's out a heartfelt laugh and I giggle after as we walk out to meet the chaos ensuing on the yard.

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 1 : Enclosed

An exhausted sigh escapes my lungs as I sit down the wooden bench a bit apart from the attractions.

"I'm sorry, dear. Mama needs to catch her breath first." I apologize to the young girl bouncing too excitedly for her beige miniskirt. Her yellow crop top left all too much exposure as it was.. I wonder if it had been too early to let my girl buy her own clothes..

"Ooh~" Vivio pouts cutely half disappointed, half understanding. "You can let your old bones rest ma. It's fine if I still go, like with Vita-chan and Miura-san?"

"Oy! Why are you calling Miura with 'san' and me with 'chan'!? Respect your elders!" Vita growls in loud outburst causing giggles to rise from our group. Truthfully, the red sundress and a red fluffy cap with a large knitted rabbit on it covering half of the head where long twin braids dangle from, don't exactly help in seeing the short girl as an adult. Not with the way even Vivio has outgrown her. I feel a bit sorry for my colleague, even if I find it amusing every time.

"But Miura-san is my elder?" Vivio responds in a mocked bewilderment, before she takes on a challenging posture crossing her arms with a wide stand. "Let's see if you can earn the respect by surviving the big screamer, repeatedly!"

"You're on kid! You'll be running back to your mama with tears in your eyes and tail between your legs before we even get started." Vita's hotheaded temper let her to snatch the obvious hook and I couldn't help but giggle again as the girls race to the monstrous roller coaster the kids have dubbed 'the big screamer'.

"Miura, make sure those two don't get lost." Zafira spoke in his usual stern tone, but not without a hint of worry in the mix. These kinds of things were everyday for him. He has been helping me and Fate-chan with Vivio a lot by looking after her while we were busy ever since the days at the Long Arch when we all worked together in Riot Force Six. Although, most of the time he has been babysitting her in his familiar form. It's only because he began instructing kids in martial arts at Yagami-Dojo that he started spending time in human form more.

"Got it, you can count on me!" A girl in her young teens wearing white capris and a strawberry red halter top gave a something similar to a salute, which I guess stems from her being Zafira's (and of the rest of wolkenritter) student in Yagami-Style Belkan Martial Arts, or something like that..

"Miura's become so outgoing and lively, I remember how stiff and nervous she was at first whenever we came by.." I reminisce with a faint smile.

"It's all thanks to Vivio-chan and the rest. They've really brought Miura-chan out of her shell." A gentle voice from behind startles me as Shamal arrives holding refreshments with Reinforce trailing behind.

"Here's for you, and here's yours." The blonde woman wearing a spring green tunic and a long green skirt with yellow pleats hands me a smile along with my soda drink before tossing another for the man wearing a blue parka hoodie over a white tank top and a gray pair of sweatpants sitting next to me.

"Thanks Shamal-san.." I give my sincere thanks with a nod before looking over her shoulder curiously "Where's Hayate-chan?"

"Umm.. There was a phone call.." A small light azure blue haired girl just close to grade-schooler in size fidgeted apologetically in her thin silvery dress worn over an aquamarine turtleneck. "Hayate-sama said she'll be right back."

I arch an eyebrow inquiringly. Reinforce was not this shy about such things, unless.. Is it really alright for all of them to be here? Well, since Agito-san and Signum-san are away on an assignment it's not exactly all, but.. It is unusual for everyone to be free without months' planning in advance.

"Don't tell me she's skipping work..?"

"It's nothing that bad. Hayate-chan is in an emergency stand by during these few days of leave, that's all."

"We're.. On a case that has a lot involved, but it's been progressing very slowly and Hayate-sama wants to keep updated on any new information we receive."

I nod in understanding hearing Shamal's and Reinforce's explanation.

"So I'm not the only one in need of a stress-free day of fun, huh.." I sigh to myself. "Well, if that's the case then.. As soon as Hayate-chan gets back we'll join to take up Vivio in her challenge. Vita-chan's not the only 'mama-aged' who gets to show they're very much to be respected." I rise up from the bench pumping my fist in air causing a few mothers to draw their children further away from the weird lady.

I'm so not going to let that affect.. Even if I can't help my blushing..

We laugh and chat merrily enjoying our refreshing drinks in the warm sun. This has been the best day so far for.. I can't even remember when was the last time I've had this much fun.. We used to laugh at stupid childish jokes like this, or whatever Vivio came up with, just enjoying the sweet time together. We used to have that a lot with Fate-chan. Days I never thought would come to an end.. I don't blame her. Her work IS important.. I just thought that.. Aw gee.. Didn't I just decide to have fun? This.. this can come later.

"I'm glad ya missed me, but I wasn't gone long enough for the world to end.. Or was I? Damn that was long phone call." A sudden voice creeped up from behind smirking to herself.

"Yeah it was, luckily your knights were there to save the day.. Also your soda's a bit stale, here you can have it." I turn around to smirk back at the brunette we had been waiting for a while. For quite a while, long enough to wonder if Vivio had actually gone M.I.A. despite Miura tagging along..

"You gulped it half down!?" Hayate shouts out. "Ew! Glad you did, but how d'ya do it? This is stale enough to bring any girl down.. You really are a devil, Nanoha-chan.."

I laugh wholeheartedly at her exaggerated queasy expression and the following melodramatics.

"Oh my, you're more a Queen of the Drama Stage than of a Night Sky, your real drink's untouched in the shades behind Shamal-san. Don't worry we put extra ice on it, just in case." I point to the large take out soda cup Shamal picked up.

"Oh~ This is.. This is! Indirect icing! What a rare event!" Hayate takes her drink yelling out something which makes as much sense as any other of her made up terms.

"Hayate-sama~ People are looking.."

"Let 'em look, as long as they're looking good!"

"Why they would need to- Oh, please tell me you just did not mean yourself by that, Hayate-sama?"

"Of course I meant the cup of drink about to accidentally spill and make a see-through silver dress a bit more see through!"

"Noo~! It's a pain to wash off!"

We smirk and giggle each to their own style to the manzai-routine Hayate engages with Reinforce and as they keep going on it's starts getting harder to refrain laughing even louder. Somebody needs to cut in to these two bokes before I fall apart and on the ground unable to hold it in.

"I hate to be the spoilsport, but I think it would be a good time to go catch Vivio-chan and the company. The event is about to begin in just under an hour."

In the end, the role fell on Shamal intervening in a nick of time, just before my collapse. Even Zafira's trademark poker face had been under a severe threat.

"Oh, it's that time, shoulda said something sooner, aw gee, Miura's been dying to see this one for a while." Hayate snaps out her comedy mode "Bring my kiddoball, let's go catch 'em all~!" Or not.. Well, I guess that should've been given. I shrug to myself and let out a small giggle as I see Zafira, Shamal and even Reinforce do the same.

"By the way, what event they're playing there?" It just came to me that I have no idea about today's show.. It's not that I wasn't curious, I was just.. preoccupied with.. moping.

"Why, it's magickal girlie lyricist Nyanoha-chan." Hayate is the first to answer.

"They're still doing plays on that? Oh my.. I never knew it's that popular.."

"The show's had a bit of downfall but it's still supported by all the hardcore fans and now they're trying to get new kids on the board with the new themes and all being introduced. That don't mean it ain't still as epic as ever! Also, panty-shots, they've increased." Hayate winks at the end in a.. hopefully playful manner.

I push the brunette by my side with my shoulder and pout jokingly. Half jokingly actually. Even if the Nyanoha-chan was only loosely based on the films made of our childhood adventures, I am still not all that pleased to hear a character originating from me flashing her unmentionables in public. Moreover, I am a bit worried how over the top Hayate feels today.. It's almost like she was forcing herself somehow.. It could just be my bad habits of over-worrying acting up again, but I want everyone to have a blast today. It's no good if it's all me.

That said, I don't mind a joke or too once in a while, dumb or not.

"So that's why you've been so eager, hm?" I sneer pushing my shoulder against hers for another hit and jump ahead with the rest of the crew before she gets her chance to retaliate.

Walking up ahead to the huge roller coaster, I spot a familiar amber haired figure bouncing excitedly along with a very spent looking redhead and a grinning teenage girl trailing from behind.

"Mama~ It was awesome! The line was like an universe long, but it moved fast and we got to ride it over and over and over again and Miura-san did a really cool pose at the last ride when they took the picture it was so so.." Vivio jumped in the air looking for the right adjective. "..aweshtognificient!" And came up with one of her own for the lack of a proper one. I guess it means it was so awesome it became astonishingly magnificent. I'm just happy to hear the nostalgic way she used to call me coming with a brilliant smile on her face.

This day, really is a good day, after all.

"I'm glad you had fun.. So, how about a quick light snack? Or should we get to seats in advance just in case?"

"Okay, if two or three people go get the goods the rest of us can go secure the best view, how's that for a plan."

"Fine by me."

"I don't see a problem."

"I concur."

"Agreed."

"Dibs on the best seat~!"

"Hey, that's mine!"

"Whatever, I just need to get some air that's not moving.."

We all agree and nod in unison.

"Right, now that's settled, I believe it's my turn to treat.. Who wants what?" I volunteer to be the or one the buyers and get ready to memorize the incoming orders.

"Oh~ That makes it too certain everybody's getting the right dishes, that's no fun~" Hayate fakes a frown trying to provoke another comedic chain reaction, and failing to get a decent reaction proceeds to order normally. "I'll take Lufen style chicken, an extra large orange soda aaand what the heck popcorn, a large fill."

"Oh, oh! I'll take a big double burger with Vaizen beef and a large lemon soda!" Vivio jumps up and down energetically.

"It think I'll have the same, but with coke.." Miura, however, remains much calmer on the outside, but I can tell from her eyes she feels just as bouncy as the girl next to her.

"Traditional Belkan salad, if one's available, if not, any salad will do.. I am careful about the meat I eat, especially during warmer days." Zafira explains coolly as I accidentally stare agape at his order. Fortunately, he takes no offense. I should totally go out more often. I got to know something I would have never thought of before.

"I'll have you know that if you collapse again because of your new ludicrous sports diet, you'll have to get someone else to treat you.. Those magazines are just tools for con artists to get fitness enthusiasts' money drained.. Oh, I'll have just fries.. and mineral water in a bottle." Shamal scolds the athletic man while giving her order in the mean. Looking at the frown on the grown man, I can believe that this isn't the first time something like this has happened..

"Oh.. I should've gotten fries too.. can I get fries too ma~? I promise I eat everything!"

"Make mine an extra serving, so we can share with anyone who wants fries as well, is that okay?"

I nod at Shamal and see Vivio agreeing as well. Although.. How am I going to carry all these..?

"Oh, I can come with you Nanoha-san."

And Reinforce just answered my question before I even let it out. You have a wonderful assistant Yagami Hayate. I hope you show your appreciation properly.

"We're going to reserve seats for you two as well, so no need to rush through." Shamal smiles motherly and turns to guide the bunch to the outdoors theater.

"So shall we go?" I turn to ask Reinforce who nods in response.

We thread along the path to the park restaurant nearby. I hope it isn't too packed at this hour. I may not be as excited about the show as Vivio and the rest, but I don't want to let their experience mellowed by an empty stomach. Everything feels better after a good meal.

"Umm.. Nanoha-san?" Reinforce paces up a bit to get a few steps ahead to talk and walk while facing me.

"Yes, what it is?"

"Are you.. having fun today, I mean honestly having fun?" She wears a worried face and I feel elated for being cared by such a cute and reliable girl but it also saddens me to make her so troubled all the same.

"To be honest, yes.. I am having fun, much more than I thought I could.. But if you ask me whether I'm alright, then the answer is no.. I am doing the best I can to forget about everything that's keeping me from enjoying our time here.." I answer as honestly as I can.. I am not used to being straightforward with my own emotions when they're not all positive. But I'm learning.. Slowly.

"I am not forcing myself, don't worry.." I smile as genuinely and reassuringly as I can, given the circumstances. I don't want her to misunderstand.

"If that's true, then good.. I feel relieved." The small girl sighs allayed and turns another one of her worries to my attention. "Hayate-sama has been so occupied worrying it was starting affect her work.. and health.. She has been cogitating means to alleviate Nanoha-san's pain and planned for this for.. days now. We all want you back to your usual self, Nanoha-san, but especially Hayate-sama."

I nod to the sweet devoted assistant of one of my dearest friend's ever since childhood. Rein-chan's grown a lot, much like Vivio, much like everyone. I can't afford to slack any longer.

"You really care about your mistress, don't you.."

Reinforce blushes adorably at my words offered with a smile wider than ones before.

"Gee~ Don't tease me, Nanoha-san. I am trying to be serious.."

I can't help but pat her head gently as she pouts hiding her embarrassment.

"I know, that's why I want to be serious as well.. Seriously having fun that is.. I know I have been relying on Hayate-chan all too much, and not just her. I want to show my appreciation to everyone who continued to care me out of my slump."

"It's nothing but natural, Nanoha-san." Reinforce says sternly, almost scolding. "We wouldn't be here without you. Not only me, but all the Wolkenritter would have never had these kind of lives if it weren't for Hayate-sama, Nanoha-san and Fate-san achieving the impossible. You saved us, now it is our turn to save you."

"Thank you.. Now, what did you want to eat? I feel a melon pan'd be a good now.. I don't want to eat too heavy to feel too bloated to run along Vivio.. Not to mention we did have plans for a dinner after, didn't we?" Arriving to the restaurant, I change the topic and contemplate on a choices between light but nourishing and the food to match the mood of the event, which also is required to be easy to carry and easier to eat.

"I wonder if Hayate-sama had forgotten about that.." Reinforce ponders with a cute face, probably wondering if her mistress had not remembered the plans after in her excitement.

"Two big Vaizen beef double burgers, one with extra cheese and the other with paprika mayonnaise." I add a few spices of extras I know to suit the tastes of the people in question. "Then a box of roasted Lufen chicken, easy on the garlic, please, A traditional Belkan salad.." I glance to my side.

"with white garlic sauce on that one, please."

"..An extra large serving of fries, a large fill of popcorn and a melon bread."

"Oh, and a taiyaki, I mean two taiyaki.. thank you very much."

"And as drinks we would like.."

"I'll have medium cola."

"then a strawberry lemonade, a large cola, lots of ice on that, then a large lemon soda, an extra large orange soda and.. two bottles of mineral water.." I turn to wink at my side. "Just in case. Oh, and we'll take them along if it is alright? My apologies I forgot to ask, You do serve takeout, do you?" I panic a bit, I was so focused on the orders I forgot how not all Midchildan diners serve takeout orders.. This could be embarrassing..

"Yes ma'am, we do. Is there anything else you'd like?" The cashier smiles amused at my flustering.. Oh.. I feel even more embarrassed now, with all the fumbling and fidgeting..

"That is all, thank you very much." Reinforce answers on my behalf and I manage to recuperate just enough to nod in agreement as the smiling woman turns to me for conformation.

"You have such a reliable and adorable daughter~" She says fawning over Reinforce.. Oh.. Oh, my.. The small girl pouts a bit, causing the cashier to misinterpret it as an embarrassment of a shy child not used to compliments. I giggle to myself, wondering if I should correct her, but the woman turns to hand our order to the other employees at the back and I miss the chance.

I rub Reinforce's hair a bit instead.. Something about it really soothes me.. Well, the texture is incredible, and it's so pretty too.. But in the end, I guess it's mostly about the feel.. It's been a while since I've cuddled even with Vivio. Now that she's older, she has grown a bit less intimate, but.. it's only natural, right..? It's not just me being a poor mama..?

Reinforce smiles faintly under her pout only occasionally cocking her head to frown at the crowd of older women fawning over her.

"Here you go~ And a here's a little extra for the adorable daughter.." The waiter comes up from behind holding the paper bags containing our late lunch and a small Nyanoha figurine for the short girl beside me. I smile amused as I take the bags and watch Reinforce contemplating between telling the truth and accepting the gift. In the end she smiles politely taking the small toy.

"Thank you for your custom and have a very fun day~"

"Will do! Thank you very much."

"Have a one for yourself as well. Thank you very much!"

We head out to feed the rest of our 'family' hungry for light snack surely just as much as for the intense show that is about to begin. For the first time in a long while, I find myself hoping for the day to go by slower than usual.

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

After the eventful show, we hung around the park visiting various attractions and being spent from all the fun we retreated to the Yagami mansion to have a delicious dinner Hayate prepared. My offers for help were turned down.. Gee, I wasn't that bad a cook..

"You still pouting for that?" The brunette sitting beside me inquired tasting the red wine in her glass. We thought to share a bottle or two with everyone, the children aside, but in the end Shamal and Vita had grown tired for all today's activities choosing to bid early goodnights and Zafira was still intent on keeping his new diet at least for a while, despite the small argument with the blonde nurse over it's effects. So, finishing the bottles fell on the two of us sitting still on the wide comfy loveseat.

"I just feel bad for not being able to repay all you've done for me.." I feel so.. indebted.. and inadequate.. and a lot dizzy from all the wine..

"Then.. smile." Hayate turns her gentle blue eyes to mine. "That's all I ever needed from ya. All I've ever wanted is a see on a big fat smile on your cute face.. A genuine smile, not a forced one, so don't ever figure on going down that road. Whatever needs come first, comes first to pave the way for a one heck of a grin I know you'll make."

I smile faintly for the care I'm encouraged to indulge in and take a sip from the glass on my left hand right after.

"Ooh~ getting warmer."

"I dunno~ I feel kind of cold." I mock-shiver putting the half empty glass down on the table. "Mmh~ now it's getting warmer." And snuggle in the lap of my dear friend on an impulse.

"Definitely.. Here's to hoping it don't get too hot." Hayate gulps the rest of her wine blushing abashed at my sudden closeness. It has always, well mostly – more often than not – been her initiating our moments of skinship.

I blame it on the wine. Not that the reasons matter. I long for the closeness, the feel of my body held against another. I don't want to use my dear friend as a comfort, or a rebound, but I just want to stay awhile like this.. With a soft touch and a soothing scent in a moment where nothing else matters. The last time we were like this, was the day I collapsed on the training field during work.. It had been a week since my final fall out with the woman I thought I would spend my eternity with.. I vaguely remember her driving me home and taking the day off to take care of me.. She held me close and it was the first time I slept in all week..

"Do.. you want to talk about it?"

"No.. Not really.. There isn't all that much to say.." I sigh and feel a gentle hand brushing my hair.. She doesn't say a word.. just.. keeps brushing my hair. "..There's no going back, not this time.."

"You sure? You've been through this before.. You've been through a lot, and-"

"Not this time.. Not anymore." I cut in. This, true, was not the first time my relationship with Fate faced 'bumps on the road', but this isn't one of those times. This was a dead end. "We.. fell out of love a long time ago.. Well, I did.. I just never wanted to admit it." I swallow a tear, but another one forces it's way through.. and another.. and another..

"It hurts.. It still does.. I believed.. I truly, swear to God honestly believed we'd survive what ever may come.. It wasn't a wedding vow, but we promised we'd make it through.. It hurts to let it go, to kill the illusion... it was a dream, but I loved it all the same."

"It wasn't just a dream.. I know ya loved her."

"If I really loved Fate-chan, how could it just end!? It doesn't just end, love does not just end! I know it, I'm cold.. I'm not fit to love... I- I'm.." I burst out in sobs unable to speak and clinch tighter on the soft lap under burying my head in it's warmth. I feel awful, I'm begging for pity. I want her to deny it all. To say I was okay the way I am. That there's nothing wrong with me.. But I can't ask my friend to lie.. The only liar.. is me.

Hayate says nothing, merely holds my head gently and pets my back kindly. Sweet poison. It hurts as much as it soothes my pain. It feels good.. and drowns me all the same.

"I'm a mess.. aren't I.."

"Yes, you are."

"Ouch.." I let a pained laugh at the blunt answer.

"Don't expect pity from me.. That's not what I'm here for." Hayate's warm voice doesn't match her cold words, but I feel it calming.. "I am not gonna let you invalidate everything you've been through, all the memories you've made, all the things that made you, you. Every single moment of it is something precious, no matter how it hurts now, but you're here because of it. Don't deny that. Nanoha-chan is Nanoha-chan, and I want you to remain the one I know, the one we all know and love, for the days to come."

I ease my hold and turn my head to see the woman holding me facing the ceiling and the vast space beyond. Listening her voice I feel my body warming again and more.

"If ya couldn't love, you couldn't have raised Vivio.. She's all the proof you need to look at to know who you are whenever you're feeling lost. We can't do it for you.. We.. I can only stand here waiting.. You don't need to rush, there's no hurry.. I'll wait as long as it takes, I ain't going anywhere.. I just want you to promise me one thing.." The blue eyes turn back on me again.. A gentle, kind smile that hides the pain it's wielder holds within. "..whenever you're ready, I want you to give me that smile we talked about."

I try to smile, but my chest tightens again.. My lies hurt all the more.. Now more than ever before.. I bury my face in her lap pushing my nose against the smooth thin fabric separating me from the warmth of her skin..

"I promise.." I don't know if and when I can keep it.. But I promise honestly. I want it too, I want nothing more than to face my dear friend with earnest feelings.. I place my arms around her feeling her breathing heat up for an instance, before she meets my embrace wrapping her arms around me pulling tighter..

"Can I.. Sleep with you?" I ask with a muffled voice as I push my mouth against her belly. I hear a sigh.. and almost retract my words.

"Yes.." Hayate answers in quiet whisper I barely hear.. and picks her voice up again. "Yes, you can. You want to hit the bed now?"

"If.. That's not a problem..?" I pull my mouth apart to meet her gaze.

"No, not at all, truthfully, I'm a tad worn too.. Hell of a week.. Could use a good sleep, with a good company." She winks teasingly.. Like a joke she all too often makes. I can't take it anymore.. This.. A tear crawls around my left eye, sliding down my nose, passes my lips and falls on the lap.. I see her stunned worry, and I can't lie any longer.

I raise my head.. Her face comes all the more dumbstruck.. and shocked.. I lean in.. Her eyes wide stupefied I mutter into her lips. "I'm sorry." And close the gap between us pushing my mouth on hers..

I don't know what expression she wears.. I closed my eyes in fear.. I taste her lips, the squishy cushions with an aftertaste of a sweet apricot. I shudder.. I want to taste it further.. Drown drunk in it more than the wine from before.. I shiver.. I want to pull apart and run away.. Bury myself in a hole where I'd be never found.

"I'm sorry.." I pull my mouth away and lower my eyes unable to meet hers.

"Don't apologize.. I was.. surprised, is all.." Hayate mumbles to my ears holding me close not letting me run. "Come, let's get you some sleep.." She lifts me up and holding my hand she leads me to her bedroom..

I want to ask if it's still alright to sleep with me.. But I can't.. I'm afraid of hearing no..

I undress the dress and the blouse below tilting my head a bit to the right.. I don't see her glancing at me.. Hayate is changing her back to me.. I wonder if I did make her conscious of me, after all.. But the worry is eased fast enough when she faces me half-naked her body only covered by a lilac puffy bra and hipsters with a matching shade, her posture unfazed as ever, and hands me a peach colored camisole to slip in.

"Since it's your theme for the day, I thought this one's the best for ya. Not just 'cause it's nearly see through." She winks playfully. I sigh relieved.. The last I wanted was to trouble her..

I take off my bra, let it drop down on the floor, and dive in to the nightwear, almost tripping myself.. Ooff, that was embarrassing.. Lifting my flushed face I see my friend standing alert, ready to catch me should I fall and let out an appreciative smile for her.

"Ya really can't hold your liquor, can ya? C'mere let's fall a sweet dream to enjoy before tomorrow's hella loud banging our aching heads' face." Hayate motions me over, offering to support me the short way..

I stumble across the large open room and crash in the soft silky silver bed.. It feels as soft as it looks.. Turning left, I beckon the dear friend in mauve chiffon babydoll with my best puppy eyes.. She meets my gaze and shakes her head sideways smiling before crawling over to hold me.

"Hopeless drunk cuddly bear, what am I gonna do with ya..?"

"Just, hold me.. and don't let go.." I whisper.. I don't know if I hope I can convey the truth.. or if I just want to keep burying it.. But I know I want to stay like this, at least for the night.

"I won't.." I hear a silent sigh guiding me to a dreamless, peaceful sleep.. "..as long as you want me, I'll hold you close.."

 _/AN: This was something I've wanted to write for a while, and of the reasons I settled on writing stories from Nanoha-franchise, but somehow still felt hard to actually type down. Having a plausible reason for not having Nanoha with Fate while trying to keep everything in canon and everyone in character isn't as easy as I thought.. I hope I succeeded..?_

 _Next in this series, I plan to dive in further to the break-up between Nanoha Fate as well as work on the state of their current relationship along with the progress in the one between Nanoha and Hayate. Let it be known; there'll be drama, and hopefully an instance or few of fluff along the road..(:_

 _Please do leave a review without hesitating to point out the inevitable flaws in story, plot, characters or grammar if you like and please accept my heartfelt thanks for reading this._

Innocent Raccoon bows humbly and leaves a tray of cookies while fondling the keyboard for next chapters*


	2. Entranced

_/AN : First of all, I offer a bunch of heartfelt thanks to **SilverOsprey** for the encouraging review. __While I do write this mainly 'cause I want to read it, it's nice to know I'm not the only one (: It's also good to know I'm not going about this the wrong way, least not yet anyhow :)_

 _[edit : fixed a couple of Hayate's lines for consistency in her accent]_

 _I also thank you all, dear silent readers. I hope to see you here in this one as well, with or without words._

 _As for the story itself, I took a bit of a turn here from the original intended direction (destination's still the same, however,) meaning that I'll take the longer route._

 _For this to flow smoothly, I ended up switching the characters whose pows the story's follows through between the chapters. It allows me to both, answer some questions, and leave some other open for future events at the same._

 _So.. This time, it'll be Hayate who gets her turn to share her side of the story._

 _Now, without further word count inflation, please do enjoy this chapter to any and all of its possible extents._

 _Disclaimer : I neither own, nor claim, any rights for any part of the MSLN/MGLN-franchise, I merely dream about it._

MSLN FF :

Love Left Unspoken

A chirping sound awakes me to my too awful to even curse headache. The only thing alleviating the loud banging inside my poor wine-wrecked head is the soundly sleeping softness in my arms. Although, breathing in her scent is.. problematic in it's own way to say the least. It feels too nice, this feels too nice, too natural, and I can't believe I feel my walls crumbling down again.. I had sworn to myself that I would respect the boundaries between us, to not cross the line between friends.

This is just so wrong in so many ways, even more after what happened yesterday.. She kissed me, again. This now marks the second time, not counting small pecks on the cheek or forehead, and just like at the first, she cried and apologized. I doubt she'll remember this one either and it's better that way. That would only complicate things. Simple is fine. That's the punchline for the three of us outside our work. Our friendship means all too much for me to crash it all down on delusions..

She's just feeling lonely. Lonely and vulnerable, and I could never take advantage of that. Just like I can't say no to her.. I keep pushing myself into a corner, again, and again, and again, driving off the edge with a bright wide grin on my face. For all the things I said yesterday, I am the one who's a mess here.. ..And I'm not going to ruin my morning by mulling over things I can't help, so get over it girl and wake up.

I snuggle closer sniffing the auburn hair and the lavender scent it emits. Oh, well.. It's not bad if I take a tiny dose of my secret medicine before getting up, right? Just a teeny bit.. I inhale the soothing aroma and let the comforting warmth spread throughout my body. Okay, just a little more, then I'll rise.

"Mmh.. G'morn-*yawn*-ing.." The sweet woman beside me wakes up still a bit groggy as I press my nose against the entrancing threads of auburn.

"G'morning~ How's my lil' hug pillow?"

"Ooff.. I heel yawnfull..." Yawning, she shakes her head in my arms eyes half closed.. "Ooff.. I wanna puke." ..and opens them blinking right after a pained groan.

"Oh, come on~ I'm not that bad." I joke away the tension within, before she can catch on and the blue eyes close again as she giggles in response.

"Yes, you are.. You let me drink way too.. umph.. much.. I- I- I think I need to go.." Nanoha jumps up, unsteady, rushing out the door to the bathroom looking very sick.

"Go take a shower right after, trust me, it'll help! I'll get'cha clean clothes ready in the mean~!" I shout to the staggering brunette and receive a faint wave acknowledging my suggestion. Okay, now, something light would be good.. Oh, my.. I..think I'll shower just the same, or right after.. Umm, wait where was I..? Oh, yeah, what to wear?

I rummage through my wardrobe searching for something nice and easy to put on.. My-Hime cosplay set..? Hmm.. In this mood, that's a bit.. Oh, shoot, the wrong closet!

Closing the door and moving right on to the next, I pick up a black and white wrap dress and pair of black thongs to wear under it, I don't feel like confining my breasts now, at least not until I can breath easier.. and looking at the reflection from the mirror on the door, I sigh, it's not like it makes too big a difference anyhow. All that groping and none of it rubbed on me.. Shaking the thought off, I choose a carnation pink sundress for Nanoha, with a cute cerise panties and a plum shade bandeau. Easy to wear and hard to look away. Alright, that's set then.

Grabbing a fresh towel along the clean set of clothes, I set out to deliver my hungover friend her garments and catch a sniff of a delicious scent from the kitchen on the way. I guess Shamal's at it. Thankfully, she's improved a lot since the days we first met. I shudder at the memory and knock on the bathroom door.

"Yeah, I'm.. just getting.. ready. Ooff.. Come on in.." A faint sickly voice responds, and I, instinctively, slow down a bit as I open the door stepping inside.

"Sorry it don't quite match the mood." I wink as I hand Nanoha a fresh towel along her change of clothes.

"Aw~ You shouldn't have to." She tries to smile friendly behind her obviously poor condition. I can't help but smile back at the effort. "Mmh.. hehe.. This looks nicer than the 'hangover home-set' I brought along.." I hear her giggle a mixture of embarrassment and amused appreciation.

"Oh.. I forgot about that.. I must still be half-asleep.." I shake my head a few times sideways sighing for the miss I made. Of course she would bring spare clothes if she was going to stay the night..

"..I wonder if I start feeling as sweet as they look wearing them.." Nanoha gazes her clothes with dreamy eyes. I wonder what she's thinking.. Or if she hasn't sobered yet..?

We blink for a moment in a still silence. I am drawn in the comfort of her presence in a way that makes me feel it would be better to leave, but my body betrays me and I merely stare at the pitiful visage about to faint. The picture is tainted with large amounts of yesterday's wine, yet it comes out still beautiful. Her eyes linger somewhere between sleep and me in a longing gaze.. I can't give in to a false hope..

..Hope? What is there to gain but pain, if I licked her wounds with poison, stealing her innocence? Do I seriously wish to drive the wedge in deeper and push my two dearest friends apart? Looking at the pendant she still wears around her neck, I know it isn't as over as Nanoha claimed. Not the way things stand at the moment. Not without them facing their feelings – and all of this – with honesty. After that.. Whatever follows, is better left come then.

"So.. I guess.. I'll wash up..?" The taller brunette broke the silence with her awkward sentence half phrased as a question. "Want to join?" She adds in nonchalantly, blushing right after.

"Umm.. Thanks for the offer." I hear my voice struggling in a manner unfit for the me I'm known to be. "..But I doubt that kinda rubbing's gonna count as washing up." Collecting my cool, I add a wink right after. "It's cleaner if we go separately."

"Aw~ Well, there's always the next time.." She adds a playful flirt of her own totally catching me off guard.

Damn, that girl has learned to play my game.. If I don't step up, she'll one day beat me at it... Now, that's a terrifying thought.

I leave the bathroom closing the door behind me and step out in the hallway feeling the heat rising up my cheeks. I can plan, and ponder, and swear, and act, and hide all I want, but I can't force my body to obey, or command the feelings within.

"Good morning~ Slept well? You look like you had a pleasant dream, with a twist."

Brightly shining Shamal surprises me, stepping out from the hallway leading to the kitchen and the dining room joining on this one on the side connecting the master bedroom with the rest of the house, and grins at the state of my flushed face. As much as I love seeing her happy and comfortable, her confidence in full bloom, in moments like these, it's nothing if not dangerous for the heart holding secrets.

"Good morning, Shamal.. A yellow day, hm? what's the good news?" I shift the topic on the Knight of the Lake remarking on the saffron light dress, fluffy cream colored wristbands and the olive hair ornaments she's put on. She switches from her usual green with yellow shades, to yellow with green shades, whenever something special is knocking at the door. A recent little habit I took note on.

"Hmm~ Just heard from Signum that they'll be returning in two days." She answers as calmly as she can under the happy humming revealing her excitement hidden beneath. Who can blame her, we all love Signum, but for her, it's a special kind of love they share. I flash a warm honest smile for a moment and fall to a one slightly different right after.

"No wonder you're giddy, no more sweating alone at night. Aw~ just give her some time to catch her breath first. Trust me, it'll be worth it." Wiggling my eyebrows as I go on, I can't help myself from turning around her attempts of teasing me just before. "And say the word and I'll take the kids out if ya wanna get loud." A red flush rises along Shamal's face as she turns her eyes away, allowing just enough view on her longing smile to widen my grin that much more.

"*ahem* The breakfast's ready, the kids are already at it." She hides her blush shooing me off to get myself ready to start the day. Having regained my lost composure, I sigh relieved and set out to make sure I have all I need prepared and start heading to another shower upstairs. I can't lay this sudden surge to waste fidgeting while waiting for Nanoha to finish up.

Swaying confidently as I go, I spot and greet a blue and white striped shorts clad, and shirtless, freshly showered Zafira with a bright smile on my way to wash away the remnants of the last night, and begin a whole 'nother fine day anew.

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 2 : Entranced

Having showered, refreshed, eaten breakfast and enjoyed the feel of the soothing touch of clean clothes against my skin, I take a glance at the redhead dressed in a white t-shirt and cutoff denim shorts looking at two young girls dancing around in their match attire.

"Not gonna join?" I inquire curiously. Vita's been staring Miura's and Vivio's training for a while now, mumbling to herself whenever either one makes an excess move as the girls struggle to keep a steady rhythm hitting the training targets spread out at the yard all the while dodging the bindings Reinforce throws at them.

"Nah.. It'll be a good change to have Zwei sweating on my behalf.. I teach enough kids every day at work as it is. I still can't believe I let Nanoha talk me into becoming an Instructor.."

"Here you go muttering complaints, we know ya don't mean."

The truth is, I know she is happy with her job, and even happier training Miura. Proven how excited she's always with the progress her student makes and the nervous fidgeting whenever an important match is coming up. It's just a part of her nature to hide it behind a stern facade. She wouldn't be Vita without it, and.. let's face it. Her tsundere is so moe!

Staring at such an adorable girl, I have to fight the urge to dress her up as Kurumi again.

"Honestly, Hayate.. You're grinning too wide.." Vita pouts hiding her blush. I might just have a heart attack from the cuteness.. Ah~ Is there any more pleasant way to go..?

"I guess Hayate-chan's still glowing from all the yesterday's fun." Shamal is back to teasing me about feelings I have kept inside laughing it all off without telling anyone, but I guess it's just impossible to keep secrets from the prying doctor and her natural maternal instinct. Having practically raised me caring me through the rehabilitation I had to go through as a child doesn't really help to hide things either. "Did something happen after the rest of us went to bed, hm?"

Nanoha yelps hearing the playful question. I glance at her side. Does she.. by any chance, actually remember..? She turns her embarrassed gaze and our eyes meet for an instance. She does, doesn't she.. But how she feels about- I shake my head at the thought and turn my attention to the kids, who went from evasion practice to a light spar. I need to talk to her, later, now's not the time. Even without the audience my heart's too muddled to come out rational.

"You could say.." I sigh out loud.. "..that it was less eventful than a certain night last month." I tilt my head to see a furiously blushing Nanoha and let out a wholehearted laugh.

Oh, that was a night.. It took a week to clean it all off after the.. let's say a creative dance by a certain brunette with a few too many glasses of wine in her stomach holding a bottle that was not as empty as she had thought. Oh, my.. I should've taped it, it was legendary! Even Zafira rolled on the floor laughing.

"But yeah, nothing happened worth mentioning." I smile at the half-relieved half still embarrassed friend at my side. Oh come on, have a little faith. I'm not a one to blabber all the drunken mishaps...unless they're really funny.

"I just feel it's gonna be a sunny day. Say, how about a little homecoming party for Signum and Agito?" I change the topic on the fly and look around in a hopeful grin.

"I believe we've had enough parties for the now." Shamal shakes her head with a small frown.. "Just a light nice dinner will do."

"..with a less light night for the two lovebirds as the main course? How bold~"

Looking at my smirk, she sighs with a faint smile not denying my suggestion. Yes! Another charming display for the day. I'm on a lucky streak.

"Mm.. It just came to me but.. If Signum-san and Agito-san are returning, then.. Doesn't this mean that Fate-san is also coming back?" Reinforce returns having changed her training clothes to a black and white shirt with matching short skirt that looks much longer on her than it's actually meant to, and voices out something I completely forgot.

"What I mean is.. Are Nanoha-san and Vivio-san going home, or..?" She stops in the middle, wondering how the situation should unfold. It's only natural, this is something none of us are still fully used to. While we all have offered our support for the dear friend after their break up, it has all been while the other party was some place else. This will mark the first time Fate is coming back after it all.

"Ah.. So she's coming back, huh..? It's probably best if we head home then.." Nanoha sighs with sad smile. Obviously, it's not only us to whom this is something new. For her, there's more than just adapting. I can only guess that she doesn't want this to affect Vivio's relationship with her second mama when she opts to keep things as usual as possible.. and I.. I feel it's the most natural and the best choice for her, for them, for everyone, for her to welcome Fate back with Vivio. I just.. don't know why I feel so against it, when it's exactly the way I wanted.

"I can take you, if ya ain't in a hurry..? It might take some time before we can set off though. I think it's best if I don't drive just yet.." I shrug it off and offer my guests a ride home.

"Oh, thanks, I appreciate it." Nanoha offers her thanks with a faint smile before turning her head on the side to ask the blonde.."Shamal-san? Do you know when.. ..they'll be here?" ..reaffirming her question having received only a pondering frown as an answer.

"The day after tomorrow. They're on their way, but it will take late, I presume.. The ship's due to arrive some time in the evening, but you know how it is, a ton of meetings and handshakes.. I think it's safe to say that they won't make it out before nine pm." Shamal picks up the pace as she goes on, smiling anxious and pouting for the delay at the same.

"Yeah, the parades the high ups love.." Nanoha sighs with the reminder on how things work at the top end and turns to smile at me with a face inquiring this particular high up's view on the matter.

"Okay.. I'll go have a large damn stiff cup of coffee to straighten out this parading head." I let the tease slide by with a wink and rise from the comfort of the cushioned chair, take a deep breath and head on inside to brew my drink and see if I can't get a clear head on my shoulders.

"Mmh.. I'll come with you.." Nanoha surprises me joining in. "I could use a one too.. Does anyone else want anything?" She offers to the people left sitting behind.

"Nope, there's still juice left in the pitcher."

"No, but thanks for the offer."

"Don't strain your sick bones, drunk, I'm fine."

"No need."

With everyone besides the two kids occupied with their training having declined, we head on inside with just the two of us.

Marching on, I whistle to keep my mind from blanking out again just as I started to get my groove back on.. I glance at the woman on my right and see her humming, swaying on with light steps, less concerned about the lack of words than I am. I also note, that she's in a better mood than any day before during these past few weeks. I'm happy that the yesterday's efforts weren't in vain, but somehow, I can't help but feel anxious about the resolute aura she gives off. I definitely need to clear my head before I fall out of my character again.

Going to brew our drinks, I hear Nanoha putting some light foreign music on the background before settling down on a chair on the side across the table while gazing at me. I feel nervous shivers flow through me as the blue eyes follow my every move. I can't even sit down to wait for the coffee to drip, drip, drip, drip.. Usually I ground it and boil it in a hot water, mixing flavors of my own in it. Today, my hands just don't seem to feel stable enough to go down the proper route. Am I sweating..? I just took a shower.. Calm – the – heck – down, girl! You just had a rough night after a stressful week, and nothing more. Breathe. It's all good.

Finally, the dreaded machine has finished brewing and I pour two cups, one for myself and one for the auburn-haired woman sitting across staring at me intensively. I place the cups on the table and turn around to fetch a carton of milk, a creamer, a box of sugar cubes and a few packets of sweeteners. I don't know how Nanoha takes her coffee. Here she's always had green tea..

"Here ya go." I offer as natural a smile as I can muster. It's surprisingly easy, considering how much I'm shaking inside. Her presence makes me just as happy as nervous today. "Nice and hot, just like the one serving it."

"Thanks." She answers with a giggle and a smile of her own, more honest than mine, I'm sure, and pours a few drops of cream on her cup, taking a small sip before turning her eyes to meet mine. "I remember.."

"*Blfft!*" I accidentally spit the coffee out hearing the sudden words. Couldn't you have shouted like 'bombs away~!' before you drop it in my face!? Oh, shoot.. I really have no chance to just walk out of this, do I?

"..this time I remember it all.. I can't believe I even forgot about the first time." She carries on casually as if it was just another regular day to day matter. I only stare blinking at the confession I wasn't prepared for. "That time, you kissed me back.." She stops to smile at the memory she had regained I had thought forever lost, no.. not thought, had hoped forever lost.

"Oh, ya do, huh.." This complicates things way too much. I rise up to fetch a few sheets of paper towels and start wiping the table clean to keep myself from falling too deep in as I have to give up on avoiding the topic, praying she only wants to apologize. "So, I take it you wanna talk?"

"I'm sorry.." She does just what I had hoped. "..but, not for the kiss.." Just to deny my wish right after.

"You.. I.." It takes a moment for the words to form into coherent intelligible sentences. A moment I take to dump the dirty towels into a garbage bag and sit back down to face my dear friend. "If you're tryina say what I think you are.. This.. won't be easy, for none of us."

"Why? It's easy.. and simple.. For me it is, has always been.." Nanoha breathes in and puts her cup down on the table, releasing it from her shaking hands. "..it just took me too long to stop running away. That's.. That's why I apologized. I should've laid it out sooner."

"The hell ya mean sooner?" I shock myself with the tone I find myself using. "It's been what, six weeks you broke up something treasured for six years for cryin' out loud. Just where's the time for any sooner in that. Things – like – that – take – time, no matter how far ya 'fell outta love'." I lash out having too hard a time facing the very situation I had hoped to evade.

"People just can't help the way they feel.." She shakes her head acting much calmer than her eyes gleam. "..I'm not going to say 'we weren't meant to be' or stuff like that, *sigh* it's just that.. It should've.." She stops to take a few calming breaths with her face held in her palms, before she lifts her gaze up and back on me again.

"I should have put a stop on it a long, long time ago. I should've come clean the day I realized I can't.. that I couldn't say I loved Fate-chan with all my heart.. That the words didn't hold the same meaning they used to.. ..and why I couldn't climb over the wall between us.. I guess.." _I'm just a coward_ , she whispered inaudibly at the end, not wanting to voice it out, but I could read it loud and clear from her lips.. and felt it hit right home.

"I ain't the one who needs to hear this."

"Yes, you are.." The blue eyes dive deep in mine illuminating loving warmth as she takes my hand in hers. "But, you're right in not being the only one." Her lips curve into an affectionate smile to match the orbs shining kind passion.

"You still come first.." She continues and I feel the hand above mine starting to shake, growing with each word escaping the lips of the dear woman across the table. "You kept me from tearing my wounds open wide time after a time. You mean more than anything to me.. I don't wanna lie to you, not anymore."

I feel my hand squeezed tighter for a second, before the hold is let looser as she starts brushing the back of my hand with her thumb. I close my eyes to try and go things through with a clearer head. The last thing I want, is to misinterpret the words unvoiced and conveyed through gestures alone, but I don't know if I'm ready to ask, to know, or to accept.

"This is gonna be one bad mess we're cooking up here.." I never wanted to get involved like this. I wanted to be there to help, not to step, or to stand in between, or in the way. "This ain't the way it was supposed to go.." I shake my head slowly and open my eyes looking right into the blue sapphire gems glowing insecure but sincere.

"I love both of ya just the sam-" I stop to laugh at myself and correct my words. "I guess it's not entirely the same.. *sigh* Still, I don't wanna see either of you getting hurt.. and.. There's just no way this ain't gonna end in hurt." If only I could face her with the same the courage she struggles to show. I would, I want to, I.. It's too damn unfair, if I don't lay the same stakes at the table. I just wish there was a way to make things fair for the third as well..

"So.. This means.." The woman in front looks down to her hands blushing a bit and smiles a hopeful expectant smile as she turns her eyes back on me. "..that I'm not alone in this..? That it's.." She falls silent, unable to say the words out loud.

I take a moment to consider, carefully. Whatever I choose to do, whatever I'll say here, will have a lasting effect.

"I dunno.. kinda depends." Not wanting to deny, not wanting to admit, I try to buy time only adding another vague hint playfully as I crack the lid on the secret I tried to hide, mostly from myself, before I let the dream crash down to reality again. "..but it just can't happen, not now.. Not before you clear things with Fate-chan. _Before we all_ come clean with everything. It's the only way to make it fair for everybody. Or as fair as things can stand in this... mess." If I'm going to go through with this, I need to be certain. I don't want to make things worse and even less..doubt her, all because I'm afraid.

Honestly, why does it have to be so hard to make everyone, a world full of happy..?

"I know.. Still, thanks for giving me hope.." Nanoha smiles in happy content. She must've been scared. And I was only thinking about myself, what a friend I am.. The beautiful woman in front takes a large sip of her coffee and flashes another, a different kind of smile easing the air around us. "..and thanks for the coffee. It was surprisingly good."

"Yeah, really dumbstruck me too, Woulda never figured 'em pre-grounded stuff'll make a good taste. I guess I just am that damn good." I laugh feeling more relieved than anything.. And take a quick look at the clock on the wall. "So, wanna hit the shops on the way home?"

"You okay to drive?"

"Nah.. Not really, but we could ask Shamal.. and see if Rein wants to tag along. I know she's dying to go out to buy new cloths and bunch of other stuff ready when Agito comes back."

"Really? Rein-chan and Agito?" Nanoha stares agape. Eyes wide, she blinks a few times and resumes. "Never saw that coming."

"I know, huh." I nod at the notion. "Though, it's still on the early stage." I finish my cup and rise to clean up the table.

"This house really is one heck of a lesbian love nest."

Now it's my turn to widen my eyes at the chosen words of my dear friend and I nearly decorate the floor with ceramic shards. Did she just-?

"*giggle* What? It is true~ *sigh* If only my students knew how and what parts of their gossiping held solid, oh my.."

Oh my, indeed.. What am I going to do if she takes my place as the pervy jokester? Should I start learning how to make friends through magical bombardment..? I shake my head laughing to myself, feeling glad, allayed and grateful for the change in atmosphere, and put our cups away in the dishwasher, while Nanoha helps gathering the additions brought for her, before we head out to ask if the girls outside would be up for a trip around the shopping district.

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Having enjoyed our little tour around the city, we pull over by the Takamachi residence stepping out to carry large bags of plushies and clothes for Vivio and one fine red dress with a low neckline that seemed to beg to be worn by Nanoha. She might claim she doesn't need it now, but if it came down to that, I'll just have to make sure to set up a situation she would be required to wear something more formal.

"Cute is justice, don't fight it." I turn to face the brunette pursing her lips in a pout as she looks at the bag holding her dress.

"Vivio's clothes a- oh, wait.. _Half_ of Vivio's clothes aside, these fall more on the side of sexy." Nanoha stops to correct and shakes her head. I can only chuckle with the dear friend looking so lively under her frown. Even with less make up on, her charming blue eyes have now lost most of the dark clouds under them. However, there's still a misconception I feel compelled to straighten out.

"Nu-uh, it's about who reveals, not how much." I pause for effect.. ..and tracing around with my finger, I use the girls around us to solidify my argument. "Lessay for example, a bikini makes cute on Rein and Vivio, while Shamal would be hot."

"What about me then?" Nanoha leans closer in a playful mock-pout.

"Now you're just fishing." I wave off the woman pleading for compliments with her puppy face.

"Oh~ I haven't gone fishing for a long time...or to aquarium.." Dropping the act, she moves on to mourn the missed pastimes she has lacked the time or energy to take part in. "..I fail as Japanese."

I let another chuckle for her mannerisms and for the light atmosphere around us. Even if we were just in the eye of the storm, the happy look on her face gives me hope that it's going to be alright.

"I'm glad to see you're doing better." A soft yet firm male voice thrusts it's way in from the side followed by an appearance of a young man wearing green cargo pants and a white patterned t-shirt under a spring green and khaki lightweight jacket with his long blonde hair tied on a ponytail. "Evening, Nanoha. It's been a while.."

"Yes it has.." Nanoha lets out only a weak response accompanied by even weaker smile. "It's-"

"Yuuno-san! What are you doing here~?!" A shout from the front door cuts our greetings short as Vivio runs back from the entrance energetically in her cream white attire consisting of a spaghetti top and a miniskirt which flashes her light blue striped panties a bit too much and often, even for me to say, with the way the girl bounces excited.

"I'm currently investigating the daily life of a heartbroken mama, but it appears I need to find another subject for my next thesis." Yuuno tried to turn the reason of his visit to a joke about his profession.. However, his comedic talents were lost in translation and Nanoha seemed to be the only one finding it slightly amusing.

"It'll make a cheesy add searching for that." I have to add my two cents in. There's no way I can let a poor joke like that pass.

"Young Midchildan archaeologist with books as his weapons is searching for single mothers suffering from a failed relationship." Nanoha picks up where I left off.

"Indiana Scrya and the Mothers of the Lost Love sounds an awfully bad comedy." Sadly, I could still picture it.

"No~ It's serious and filled with intense feelings and uniquely smart and witty dialogue."

"That's exactly why it'll make a poor parody."

"Yeah.. I don't know if I'd watch that." Vivio cuts in from the side obviously unhappy at being left out. "I'd rather see Yuuno-san so totally owned in the new racing game I got!"

"Then I guess I would have to play it with someone else then." Yuuno grins provocatively at the energetic young blond.

"Mama?" The young blonde turns her inquiring dual colored red and green eyes to Nanoha.

"Yes, you kids can go play while I prepare the dinner."

Yuuno's eyes widen at the jive, but his words are cut short by Vivio's energetic voice.

"Good! 'cause I can't let that kind of challenge just fly by unanswered." She turns to face the young man shaking his head at the turn of events.. "The loser has to clean the library for a week, _alone._ " ..and turns to run inside with hopping steps picking up her bags in the mean.

"We'll catch up later, if it's okay?" Smiling friendly, Yuuno turns around to ask Nanoha's thoughts on a possible late night chat.

"Yeah. Sorry I've been kind of.. ignoring you.." She offers an embarrassed apology for the way she had treated her close long time friend.

"It's okay, I understand.. You've been through a rough time." The man waves off the need to apologize and curves his lips on to a grinning smile again.. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prove that I am to be taken seriously." ..and turns around to head on inside.

Left alone with just the two of us as Shamal and Reinforce have gone inside the car and appear to be immersed in.. ..watching something as far as I can tell from here.. I have to ask the question that rose from the brief exchange just now.

"Ya talked with Yuuno-kun at all?"

"No.. Umm.. Actually, you're the only people I've been in any contact outside work for a while now." Nanoha lowers her eyes a bit ashamed, or embarrassed, it's difficult to tell from the gaze mixed in the many feelings underneath it.

"Everyone was always asking, how it was going with Fate-chan, if the rumors were true, how Vivio's taking all this or what I was going to do now.. It was.. exhausting."

Seeing the frail visage, I open my arms stepping in right beside and hold the woman sighing sad in my embrace. I don't know if it is the right thing to do, I seem to hardly know anything anymore. The only thing certain is that I want to erase the pain tainting the portrait I've so long adored from afar and help the woman inside it.

"You were the only ones around who I felt I didn't have to just smile to.. That I could be me."

I tug her in tighter taking in the enchanting scent of her auburn hair, and following a rustle of a plastic bag, I feel her arms come around me. I can almost hear the walls crumbling down inside me...again.

"Of course you can.. It don't mean I don't wanna see your smile, but as I've said a million times, it's no good if it ain't coming from your heart."

"Can I.." She cuts mid-sentence sounding unsure. I brush along her back and hear her continue. "Can I still ask another favor, even after all this?"

"Ya can't have the two moons from the sky, the Bureau'd send me right orbiting Gerda."

"I'm sure Tre and Quattro would appreciate the company.." Nanoha lets out giggle sounding a bit eased. "..But we'd feel sad left behind.. So I'm not going to ask for that."

I feel her snuggling against my cheek sending sweet shivers through my spine with her soft touch.

"Can you.. Would you.." Searching for words she stops to sigh. "I want you to be there, when.. When Fate-chan comes home."

Nanoha clinches her hold squeezing me in pressed on the shaking body. I shouldn't agree, but I know I can't say no.

"Whatever ya need.. I'm here."

Cursing my weakness, I take comfort on the soothing presence warming my fluttering heart. It almost feels I'm using her, even if she accepts me close. I'm heading further down the road to ruin, and I need all the strength I can get, more than I have, if I'm to be ready to face this head on. I can't support her while I waver in a halfhearted uncertainty.

"It feels so good here, being held like this.." She murmurs softly in my ear tearing heart shaped holes in my reason.

I feel heat rising from deep within with the tranquil sigh the body leaning on me releases. It does feel good. Too good. Natural.. ..and bewitching as her scent calls me in.

"I know you hate it when I seek validation falling short on confidence." Nanoha lifts her head pulling a bit back to meet my eyes with a weak hesitant gaze. "..but I need to know, that I'm not wrong.. That this isn't.."

"Does it feel wrong?" I hear my breath quivering as my body trembles in fear and anticipation. I have already passed the point of no return with nowhere left to hide. This suspense is killing me as I wait for the answer I don't want to hear just as much as I yearn for it. I longed to fix things, to make it right once more, but what's right in the first place? I can no longer tell. My whole essence has become all about her eyes, her hair, her scent, her smile, her arms around me, her gestures as she talks, the way she moves, the way she always tries her best, the way she offers her selfless help, all the pain she hides away keeping it inside, the way she places everyone else over herself..

"..No.." She breaths out weakly as the blue eyes locked on mine.

..To hell with consequences. I can't take this. Not anymore. I can't bear to see- Just who am I trying to kid..? It's these feelings inside that I can't hold in.

I lean in brushing my lips on hers. She doesn't pull away, or avert her eyes, and losing myself in the vast sky inside her gaze, I feel a thawed breeze tickle my lips as she parts hers to cup mine in their gentle caress.

I suck in, faintly, the warm mouth on me, and close my eyes. I can't believe I am doing this, but it feels so.. intoxicating, a feeling I can't get enough of, and I press my lips on hers, pursing, and parting to taste her again.

Burning with each kiss we share, I feel her desire heating just the same, a passion matching mine. A touch, lips come together, slowly. I never knew how good a kiss could feel, how many things it makes to come alive. A thirst pouring in, overcoming me kiss by kiss, I lean in stronger, opening and closing my lips faster and faster each time I feel her against me drowning in the strawberry taste as our mouths come one.

I shudder with a moan, or was it hers? The scent and the taste flood my senses. The soft press, I embrace her lips in return. The ragged breath, I inhale her heat. The shivering groan, her fingers dig in my back. The sweet taste, I let my tongue escape my mouth touching hers for an instance. I feel losing control and afraid of the burst inside, I retreat ending our moment abruptly.

I can't bear to look at her, and I let my head fall on her shoulder.

"This time.. don't apologize." My voice quivers as I try to calm my raging heart and remark on the kisses we had shared before.

"I.. I won't." Nanoha trembles in my arms, for a second or so. "It was you who kissed me just now." I can feel the happy smile from her tone. Filled with nervous tension, I start giggling, and she joins in right after. I can't believe I'm just like a school girl with a hopeless crush..

"I should, probably, go.. I, need, to, make, food.. and stuff."

..and apparently I'm not the only one.

I chuckle for our nervous conduct. All about this just feels so, unreal. I feel myself grinning like an idiot and I can't stop shaking. I'm just, it's just, everything is so overwhelming I can't help but laugh.

"Yeah.. Go feed 'the kids', cuddly-mama-bear." Trying to relieve the unease I try falling back in the comfort of my playful self.

With a puff, Nanoha bursts out in laughter and after a few seconds of sweet giggling she squeezes me in her arms taking a deep breath. I follow the suit and fill my lungs with her scent and sigh out longing as I have to let it go exhaling.

"I.. I call you tomorrow, hm?" Nanoha lets her arms loose around me cupping my hands instead and retracts a few steps backwards.

"You'd better, or I'll just have to come harass you again." I joke away the tension I feel rising up again as our eyes meet. I have become too conscious of her.

Letting my thumb brush along the fingers entwining mine, I enjoy the smooth sensation for a moment, before I let her free to pick up the shopping bag left lying by the road.

"See you.." She smiles softly.

"See ya." I smile back.. ..and watch her retreat backwards swinging her hands restlessly on her side as goes. She's so adorable. With a smile accompanying her wave of hand, Nanoha spins around at the entrance turning to step in. I breath out, blowing away the cold lonely longing that invaded my heart with the leave of my dear friend.. Friend? Do we still count as friends? Am I still qualified to call her that..?

My eyes drift along the walls hiding the dear woman from my sight, and my gaze falls into another figure, a one peeking out the window. I can see it clearly. The condemning disappointment in the eyes of the man looking through the framed glass shaking his head slowly when he sees me taking note on him, and shuts the drapes blocking my view.

Sighing, I turn around and walk back to my car hoping that the choice I made wouldn't turn out to cost more than we can afford. Still, I don't regret it.

I take in the lingering feel on my lips and the memory of the woman who gave me it, raising a fluttering feeling inside me again.

"Welcome back *giggle* and I guess congratulations are in order." Shamal giggles at me with a smile of a loving mother.

Oh, shoot. Yuuno aside, I completely forgot everyone could see us. Even little Rein has her face in a giddily happy smile fawning on the display we had given out.

"Oh~! Just, shuddup 'n drive." I try and feign my blush away, and close my eyes to fall back in the moment that I will treasure for the rest of my life. Yeah, whatever may come. This...will be worth it. As long as I can see her smile, I'll do whatever it takes to make sure it won't have to be a fake, or a mere dream.

 _/AN : I wanted to portray the inner conflict Hayate has when faced with something like this, having to balance the happiness of two of her closest friends while trying to come into terms with her own feelings, all the while keeping the atmosphere from falling too angsty and keeping the flow more natural, realistic. I just hope it didn't come out too bouncy.._

 _..and I said something about diving into the background story and on the next chapter, we'll actually get a bit deeper glimpse into it, because.._

 _Coming up on next episode : Fate's Arrival_

 _If you have any thoughts on how things went on with the change in perspective or any other kind of feedback, critical or not, please do not hesitate to leave a review._

Innocent Raccoon shivers in anticipation, before bowing humbly and leaves to invade a random couch*


	3. Entrusted

_/AN: I offer a big heartfelt thanks for **Bardiche3** for not only giving this one a chance outside preferences, but also for encouraging to keep going at this. It means so incredibly a lot coming from a someone preferring OTPs, and as awaited (requested?), here comes the next chapter... from Fate's POV_

 _[Edit : fixed a couple of Hayate's lines for consistency.]_

 _It might be unnecessary, but I'd like to give a heads up first, though.. This is a very emotional chapter, I tried to ease it a little with a slight family love but uh.. Let's let the chapter do the talking, shall we (:_

 _Although, it ain't like me, I just have to recommend Three Days Grace - Never Too Late, and Theory of a Deadman's Not Meant To Be as bgm. They made this chapter more than I._

 _Disclaimer : I do not own MSLN, nor any part of the franchise, but oh my if I wished I did.._

MSLN FF - Love Left Unspoken

"..I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help."

"Not at all, it's enough to know everything's alright. I really appreciate it Yuuno-kun."

I smile at the blonde man displayed on the screen. I'm not all that comfortable with using him to pry on the matters at home, but I haven't heard a word from Hayate, and it has become too awkward to call Nanoha directly. I don't want to drag Vivio into any problems between us either. There are so many things I need to make up for her as it is.

"So it would appear.." Yuuno swallows wincing as soon as the words leave his mouth.

I raise an eyebrow at the vague sentence and even more suspicious gesture. There's something he is not telling me. It's not like I specifically asked him to spy for me, even if I wanted, I wouldn't dare to use our friendship to endanger his with Nanoha. Still, I can't shake the feeling that there is something I should know. Something he does, while I don't.

"..In truth, I only managed to get through to her two nights ago, she had barred all contact before." His wry face makes it apparent just how hard he had tried to reach her.

"I see.." Truth be told, it's nothing unexpected. It's all too easy to imagine Nanoha keeping everything inside her, the way she always does, has always done, and at this rate, will always do. Can I even remember the last time she opened up to me with her troubles, well the everyday worries aside..? Ah, it must have been the night after Vivio was abducted.. Yes, it really was that long time ago. Even the time our little girl got hurt in the ring, it was all her comforting me, looking completely unfazed on what could've happened when I know she had been worrying just the same, if not more.

"Well, it can't be helped.. We all know how Nanoha deals with things." I smile sadly at the notion escaping along my sigh, however, the grimace on Yuuno's face as he hears my all too common complaint, strikes me as something extremely odd. There's more, something else to it, isn't there? "Tell me, what are you not telling me?"

"I don't want to stick my foot in where it doesn't belong." He is clearly troubled with my question. I take it comes down to trust and breaking it..?

"And I don't want to drag you down with us. Just tell me if there's more to the story, you don't need to tell me any details, only if there is something I should know." I try to sound calmer than I feel with the myriad emotions running through. I am not even sure what is it that I am afraid of, or hope, or expect, or.. If it were a matter of life and death, Hayate, or someone else from the Bureau would have surely contacted me, or sent a message at least. Everything else can be worked through once I get home in a few hours.

"Alright.. It's nothing serious, nothing necessitating solicitude. Don't worry." Yuuno gives me a reassuring smile, before he falls into a face bit more serious. "As I've said, my knowledge of her recent state is, sadly, rather limited, by Nanoha's.. seclusion, outside her work hours.. However, there is someone who might have a better insight on the matter at hand. Someone she, apparently, kept still in contact throughout this."

I listen to his calm voice as he lays out information, he for some reason, didn't seem too willing to share at first. I can't imagine how it would be a bad thing if there was someone caring for Nanoha enough to keep her from falling too deep in her shell. That.. could only be a good thing, surely.

"Okay.. That's a good thing, right?"

Yuuno nods, apparently agreeing with the sentiment.

"So.. Is there some problem with the mystery helper person?" It's kind of hard to understand why he's so roundabout it, when so far it's been nothing but good news? That's what makes this so.. for the lack of a better word, weird.

"No, not in a strict sense of the word. I am sure it's nothing, I was merely, curious as to why she hadn't informed you. Oh, that is presuming you are still keeping in touch. Forgive me if I was mistaken." Yuuno continues on nonchalantly, but I can't help but grow more anxious over the matter. 'She' has to be someone close to both of us, close enough for Nanoha to open herself, and at least close enough with me to be in contact.. There is a funny feeling coming up inside as I brace myself for the question.

"..and who might this she be?"

"...She would be Hayate."

I knew it, but what I didn't know, is that hearing it would make me feel this way. That it's her is only given. Our agreement aside, right after Yuuno and me, she is the next closest person there is to Nanoha, and the three of us have been through a lot together ever since the Book of Darkness incident.

Which is why, it both feels as natural as the air in the sky and something very strange at the same.

"I'm sure there is a solid reason.. Maybe, you know, like if she thought it awkward to talk about Nanoha with me, for example." It's best if I don't mention that I had talked with Hayate about looking after her, it would only cause too many problems when I am positive that there's a perfectly good explanation for everything. Something like Nanoha having requested not to talk about her. Yes, that has to be it. There is no reason to be suspicious or anything. If there was something worth knowing, she would have told me, I'm sure. I'm just exhausted after another long mission. With a good night's rest it will be alright again. Everything will be the same as always. Right back to normal.

"Well I.." Cutting his words mid-sentence, Yuuno twists around to take a look at the ruckus behind him before turning his apologetic green eyes back to me again. "It appears my full attention is required elsewhere."

"*giggle* Go save the library. We'll catch up again at a better time." Feigning the uneasiness, I giggle at the blonde man upset with the intrusive commotion. "Thanks for all you've done, it might've not been much, but it's still appreciated."

"*chuckle* You don't have to mince words, Fate. I'm a big boy, I think I can handle the truth. Let's only hope the next time we'll converse in a cheerier mood."

"Definitely. Hmm~ Like for example, you introducing us someone special?" I can barely hold in the flinch following the habitual 'us' and the connotation it carries. For so long, it has mostly referred to just me and Nanoha that the word has become indistinguishable with the two of us in my mind.

"For that, I would first have to find that someone special.." Yuuno groans more to his lonely situation than my expression. Either he felt it better left to just slide aside, or I've learned to hide the pain from my face better than before. However, this is not the time to brood over trivialities. I need to regain my mood while I still can, I have a feeling my homecoming won't be all that happy.

"And for that, I'll leave you to impress that future someone with the marvelous way you'll handle the chaos behind." I wink at the man shaking his head with a laughing smile and wave him goodbye. "Bye~!"

"Goodbye."

With the connection cut off, I let out a loud sigh. Alright, so.. We'll land in about an hour. It takes another hour meeting the Generals, their public advisers and consultants to discuss about possible press releases and their contents, what information is to be withhold, and what released to the public. Not to mention the handshakes and filing a summary to accompany the daily reports from the mission. It will be well past ten until I can finally jump out this uniform, breathe a little easier, and maybe, with some luck just maybe even kick back and relax a bit. Though, I probably shouldn't get my hopes up too high on that one..

I sigh for my pessimistic attitude and try to shrug it off and make sure everything is set ready and all clear for landing.

Having ensured the umpteenth time that I have made a thorough job packing up, I take a one last look around my quarters, and head out to take a little refreshing walk down the ship's corridors. It wouldn't be a bad idea to mingle with the crew a bit more.

Although.. It would appear I'm a bit too late for that as most of the crew is now in middle of a last minute pack up, or busy finishing final checks.. The only free personnel I can recognize and stop to chat at ease with, without excess formalities mixed in, are my two assistants Shario and Teana, and Signum and Agito who were called in to aid us specifically for this mission. It's unfortunate it turned out to be a ghost hunt, but I hope they don't mind. For me, it was only a pleasure to have them at my side.

I leave the earlier discomfort behind and step in closer to the four women discussing about, apparently, non-work related matters. Yes, this will help to pass the time in a more pleasant manner. I greet the women with a smile and get ready to dive right into the topic at hand : Shario's plans for the weekend. Hmm, now this could be interesting.

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 3 : Entrusted

Having exhausted myself with the handshakes, the greetings, agonized over cold trails and false leads, talked about how the next mission was going to be a success, shared my opinion on matters I had thoughts on the cheery little angel we've come to raise as our daughter. Her innocent smile has saved me from myself so many times that I've lost count. She truly is Heaven sent. It took me a while to believe I even deserve to have someone like her in my life. Sometimes, I still doubt, but whenever I hear her happy voice, those worries come erased. Okay, now it's better. I can see my lips curve upwards, even if only slightly, it's still improvement, and my face is starting to regain it's color. I believe I'm ready.

Inhale, exhale. Let the air flow free. Good. I step in closer to the door. I breath in, deep. I take the keys out of my pocket.. ..and turning the lock open, I breath it all out, as calm as I can.

"I'm home.." My voice is weaker than I had wanted, but I guess it's only natural. I don't want to risk waking Vivio, in the odd chance she's already asleep, and I.. also feel a lot less steady than I tried to made myself out to be.

"Welcome back.." The voice responding is almost as pitiful as mine. A really sad resemblance.

Hoping for something to spring a change, I remove my shoes and step further in searching for the amber-haired girl sparkling green and red sunshine from her dual-colored eyes.

"Is Vivio-" I stop mid-sentence, swallowing, as I walk in and spot another figure I half expected and wished to see, but half feared I would be too paranoid to refrain from making baseless accusations.

"Well lookie here, guess who's back. So good to see ya." Short brunette rises up from the couch with a welcoming, friendly smile on her face, before she pokes on the woman left sitting, prompting her to turn around to meet me properly. "Been a while, uh?"

"Yeah, it's been a while, Hayate. So, um.. How are things been around here?"

"Oh, the same..'s what I'd like to say, but, uhh.. y'know?" Hayate takes another stern look at her side, but receiving a zero response, she shifts her attention back on me. I can't help but take an unhealthy interest in her 'homely attire'. For so many years, in and outside work, I've only seen her wearing dresses or skirts, but now she has decided on blue regular jeans and a casual cream white blouse. Even with her silver cross she's just like a normal regular housewife, a far cry from her usual eye-catching style. The metaphor pisses me off, more than it should. "..well all things considered, it coulda been worse. The house is still standing." She resumes with a smile over the slight frown that rose from whatever she thought.

"Anyhow, how's it been at your end, hm? I know I'm supposed to say sorry to hear your case went down south again, but I figured you'd be tired of hearing it by now. So, anything else going on?"

"Oh, nothing much.. Always the same, work, work, work.. If only people would stop making crimes, or at least stay still not resisting arrest, I might actually get my paperwork done."

"So.. In the end, it'd still be work, huh..? *sigh* Whatever.." The ponytail on the auburn hair swings sideways with the sighed response, obviously meant for me to hear.

I can only grit my teeth under a wry smile being reunited with the chilly animosity I have perversely become accustomed to.. It's not that I missed it, it's just that, now it feels like.. Like I've really come home..

"Oh yeah, Vivio's upstairs, and should still be awake. Should I.. go get 'er?" Hayate tries her best to keep things under control and I'd like to believe that's the reason she's called here. It's just.. I can't help but notice the wordless exchange between Hayate and Nanoha, the looks they share, and especially how the latter takes the hand of the former, and their reaction to it..

"Mmh.. Please do, if you'd be so kind.." I shake my head with a weak smile, more to my strained voice than anything. This is becoming ridiculous and I need stop my feelings from escalating further. I'm not an actor, but I should at least act civil enough to hear things out before jumping to conclusions.. ..easier said than done. All I wanted was to untangle their hands. I could've easily just gone up in Vivio's room myself.

"Nah~ It's no problem. You'll get your chance for a quick catch up at the same. I bet'cha got heaps to talk about." As if she had no idea on what's going on, Hayate offers us a warm friendly smile before turning to leave for upstairs.

"Umm.. Yeah.. Guess we do, huh.." Nanoha sighs to herself as she turns her smile away from our dear childhood friend ascending the stairway, and shifts her worn and dimmed blue eyes on me. The radiance on her gaze is long gone, nothing but a memory that I can't even tell if it's true. "So.. How long 'till your next assignment? Two weeks? Days? Hours? Or did you just pop by to let us know you actually do exist? Not a bad idea by the way, it's getting harder to explain Vivio that while Santa Claus may have been Zafira, you're still real.. I even started to doubt it myself.."

Ouch.. That hurt. I can't even say anything back. There's nothing I could say. They may be mean words with a cold voice, but it's all true.

"If.." I know it's just too cruel to apologize. I can only hope to explain, convince her, that this time it will really be different.. "If w-"

"Oh? Not gonna apologize? You've finally realized it doesn't mean a thing, coming from you..?"

..However, I'm cut off without a chance to even start.

"Would you let me finish?"

"I'm tired of fighting, Fate-chan.." She looks right into my eyes even more worn than before. "..Let's just.. not, okay? Not now."

That's.. That's my line. Oh, whatever. This is about more than just getting the final word anyway, so I'll just nod. I agree. And the first step would probably be to stop glaring.

"..I'm sorry I can't do better than this.. This is hardly the welcome home you deserve." Nanoha sighs turning around and throwing her head back. She really looks exhausted, even more spent than she sounds.

"Let's...try this again, from the start." She rises from her seat, turns around and comes a few steps closer in her light pink shirt, a matching bolero, and a mid-length skirt layered with brown shades from bronze to sepia. Her attire looks just as homely as our friend's, but for some reason, I can't feel it the same.. I can only see a beautiful woman smiling a faint smile holding a vast storm of emotions behind it. And I..can't place my finger on it. It doesn't quite feel like she's forcing herself, but the sight still breaks my heart. I can only try answering with a smile of my own. I must look just as miserable, if not more. "Welcome ho-*gulp* *sigh* welcome back, Fate-chan. It's good to see you again. We've missed you."

"I-.. I'm back.." _It's good to see you too, I've missed you so much.._

I have to hold back my tears as I see her swallowing hers. Hearing the words heard so many times before, brings back alive so many things buried inside. As much as I longed to hear them, it all still feels so heavy for my heart, and I can feel the rift between us growing wider with each word spoken with a pained echo. It hurts even more, as I see her stripped from the pendant I had given her years ago, a one that resembled Bardiche, a commemoration and a promise at the same. She told me she always wore it close to her heart. That she could breathe easier, feeling, knowing I'm right beside her no matter how far away I was.

She too bought me an amulet as a pair to mine in return, a one resembling Raising Heart. And just like her, I've hold onto it ever since, wearing her feelings right next to my heart. Oh, I guess it's not 'just like' anymore..

Is it really.. over? For good?

"Fate..-mama..?" A familiar voice sounds from stairway and I turn to see the girl I've missed so dearly. My sweet angel, my daughter, who, after recovering from her initial shock, shines a brilliant smile throughout her whole face, and I can no longer hold back my tears as she runs to hug me in her pink pajamas with cute bunnies printed on them. "You're back! You're back, mama! You're really here!"

"Yes, I am.." I pick the girl in my arms and lift her up. She's almost grown too big for me to carry her, but that's just a triviality, no matter how much she grows, my little girl will never be too big for me to hold her.

"I've missed you." I give a light little kiss on the cheek that blushes a bit abashed for the affection I give it, and see Vivio smile under her mock-frown.

"I missed you too mama.. But you're back now. So it's okay." I feel her nuzzling against my breasts, feeling not a day older than the first time I had returned home after a long mission. It was just like this. Oh.. I know what she's going to ask next. "Are you gonna stay long? _(/Are you going to stay with us now, Fate-mama?)_ Can you at least stay until the summer vacation, or a while after? _(/You're not going to go away again? I don't want Fate-mama to leave..)_ "

Oh, I guess it can't be helped it's not exactly the same anymore. I don't know if I'm more happy or sad that she understands not to ask the impossible. It does help how reasonable she has grown to be, but I feel children should dream big. I haven't let her down too often to mellow her dreams, have I? I sincerely hope not.

"Let's see.. I can definitely stay for the next week. That much I can promise."

"Really? What about after? Can we.. like go on a trip? Like anywhere? It doesn't have to be far."

Yeah, it's definitely on the sadder side how realistic her requests have become. It's going to change, it's going to.. after this case is over, when we finally catch the people behind it, once for all. Then, I can afford more time like this.. It's already agreed that if everything goes well, I can be permanently stationed here. While I still would be deployed for unusual or high profile cases, it would still mean more and longer intervals here at home. However, about the now..

"Umm.. That's something to look for then, isn't it?" I smile faintly, and decide to pick up before she can fall too disappointed by the roundabout promise that allows too much leeway to break it right after. Oh, shoot, I have to stop turning the whole household into cynics, myself included. That too requires a definite change. "I can't promise how long I can stay, not at this point. However, it should take at least around a month before we have everything prepared for the next longer mission." There is so much at stake, for all of us, that we need to make sure everything will go right this time. Even a single mistake could cost us dearly.

"Oh, oh.. OH!" Vivio squirms in my arms unable to stand still in her excitement. The corner of my eye catches a glimpse of clear disbelief on Nanoha's face. Oh, don't let it disrupt this, don't let it get to you.. I need- we need this, yeah, this is our moment, mine and Vivio's. We can quarrel later if we have to.

"I still have to go to work from time to time, but at least for the next few weeks I can do it from here." I smile coyly meeting her expectant eyes as I make a teasing pause. "I think we can fit a little trip somewhere in between.." I wink at the exuberant little girl, and free her to dance bouncing around in her moment of joy. For the first time since we've landed, I feel a genuine smile coming up, and for the first time in a much longer while, I feel honestly happy. I feel my eyes swelling again. Seeing my daughter like this means a world to me.

"Oh~ ma~! Why didn't you tell me it's today when Fate-mama comes back? I got so many things to show! To tell! There's just so many things!" Having spun a few times around, Vivio runs to her other mama and goes on a pout about everything she hadn't prepared for in advance.

"*giggle* It was nice surprise, wasn't it, hm?" She rustles the amber hair amused. "I know you have a ton of stories to tell, both of you, and I know Fate-chan's been dying to hear them just the same, but let's give our favorite Enforcer some time to catch her breath first. She's still going to be here in the morning." She hugs the little girl gently trying to calm her down enough to get her ready for bed.. It's getting late, after all. Even I almost forgot in the heat of the moment.

"Oh~ I know~ but still~" Vivio shakes her head slowly, smiling and frowning at the same time. The sight really warms my heart. "Is Aunt Hayate going to stay too? Then we could all play games together tomorrow?" Her gaze alters between the two brunettes in question, inquiring, or rather, pleading with her best puppy face.

Nanoha turns a bit aside releasing her left hand extending it towards Hayate, and asks the same question with her eyes, only with a little more adult-like modesty.

"Oh, unlike our blonde lone ranger here, my job's a guard a desk at a comfy chair, and if I gon' leave my post for too long, it's gonna get invaded by all sorts of papers from who knows where, aaand that might just could spring a trouble your mama'd be forced to leave home to deal with, we don't want none of that do we?"

Both, the mama and the daughter pleading her, frown at the received response causing the short 'desk-guard' to frown groaning in return for all the pressure put on her..

"Ah~! aight fine, I'll stay the night.. I still gotta go work tomorrow, so we'll have to hold off the gaming convention 'till the next day though...and it's still your bedtime."

..and gives up all too easy for my liking, but it can't be helped. Truth be told, I feel like exchanging a few words with her so this works out just fine.

"Hmm.. Well, that's a promise then? Oh, I have to ask Einhart-san come too! Can Einhart-san come over next weekend?" Vivio spins around excited, over, and over, and over, until she can settle down enough to ask permission to invite her friend. It's amazing how she can still stay standing after all the spinning that would make even the toughest enforcers dizzy.

"I don't see a problem with that." I answer her in Nanoha's stead as cued by the blue eyes. She must have wanted my opinion confirmed first, before she could agree herself. Another thoughtful gesture of her good will, nothing unusual, yet it reeks of separation all the more. Everything we've done as a family has never needed the other's approval. Is she giving me another signal, telling me that I'm too late, that it's too late, that...there's no going back..?

No, it's not, and even if it were irreversible, I can't despair here. Not now with Vivio in the room.

"Now, go give Fate-mama a goodnight kiss and I'll come tuck you in bed, hm?" Nanoha gives a loving smile and a gentle pat on the head of our daughter.

"..I'm not a little kid anymore.." Vivio groans adorably, but doesn't resist the hug and a little peck on the forehead that follows right after. I can clearly see an embarrassed but happy smile on her face as she walks up to me with light steps.

"Good night, mama." She hugs me tight burying her face on my chest for a moment, before stepping back enough to allow a quick kiss on her cheek.

"Good night, Vivio."

Nanoha motions the little girl to follow after, and they step side by side upstairs. I let my eyes linger on the familiar nostalgic sight, enjoying the soothing feel of home while it still lasts.

"Really tugs your heartstrings, don't it? Ain't nothing sweeter than a love between mother n' child.. Well 'cept for the lil' girl herself."

I turn my eyes on the side, looking at the woman left behind, who, painfully obviously, is trying her best to hide her unease with her over-relaxed posture. There shouldn't be any reason for her to be nervous, unless.. she is feeling guilty. And this only confirms my suspicions. There is something going on between the two of them. I wouldn't able to track down criminals if I can't deduce that much with all this evidence.

"So that's what you're after..hm? Your own family's grown enough to take care of you and not the other way around, so you need another one to play house with." I can't hide the irk, the resentment, the bitterness. I know I'm just projecting my own doubts and insecurities on her, but I can't help it.. I can't help but feel betrayed. And with all the things to say keeping on emerging, I can't stay silent, even if it comes down to...something like this.

"I ain't playing a damn thing here."

"Oh, yeah, my bad, the game's already over isn't it. I'm so sorry I didn't make it in time and missed seeing you score a home run. It's a bit late but congratulations and thanks for the hard work." Even with the need let it all out, I am still surprised with the harshness of my tone, and the words bursting out.

"Look, all I'd done was a look after a friend, a dear friend, being relied by another a do just so, I'd never-"

"Well, you really did take care of her, in a whole lot of ways I didn't have in mind when I asked you to." I cut in abruptly. This has gone way past excuses.

"What? Oh, c'mon, Fate-chan, I wouldna- That's not a-" I see her just as stunned as I am with the words and accusations I keep throwing at her.

"So, then, how about you tell me this, if there's nothing to hide, why couldn't you let me know on what's going on here when I know you met with Nanoha? It wouldn't have been too hard for you to get a word through. If you had wanted to.."

"Oopsie~ Sorry 'bout that. 's just my candid shots happened a came out too explicit. I got flustered and couldn't send 'em out." Hayate tries to blink innocently, but seeing how I'm not in a mood to fool around she takes on a more serious face and tone. "Okay, gee! I never knew you needed any reports on everything, or anything, there wasn't all too much to say anyhow, and I wasn't feeling abusing my position to send you post cards saying 'yay~ it's hell in here how fun!', 'look all that depression going on I bet you're jealous.' or 'ain't those tears cute, or what'. Honestly, I thought you wouldn't wanna-."

"Oh, gimme a break. You can stop with the joke charade, I'm not stupid. I know what's going on, but hey, don't get me wrong I'm not mad about that. It's just.. you could've told me, I understand, I do, nothing's free, right? I asked a favor so it's only fair you get something in return, quid pro quo, it's all fine. All I ask is if you could stop it right there, and not just steal my whole goddamn life away, if that's not too much to ask?"

"No one's stealing anything you're giving away for free." Nanoha walks back down holding a notebook, which I can guess to be a diary of sorts. Not covering a one bit of her exasperation she steps right in front to face me and flaps the notebook against me. "You can be mad at me for all I care. I might even deserve it, but Hayate-chan's done nothing. _Nothing_ that would warrant you any right to jump at her throat." Having vented out her anger on our friend's behalf, she eases the look on her face falling back to the tired face that I've already seen so many times in this short span together after my return.

"Read this, before you jump in any further conclusions.." She steps back leaving the orange-brown diary in my hands, and stops to brush faintly against my right arm with a worn expression. "And please, get some rest.. If not for you, then at least think about Vivio.. You saw how happy she was to have you back. I really, honest to God hope you don't go back on your word this time. Your work didn't just _kill us_ , now, it's killing you too...I know I'm grasping at straws here, but could you at least try and prevent it from killing Vivio as well."

I can only swallow as I feel myself crumbling with every weak sound she lets out..

"Please.. You don't mean.. this, you can't.." It's getting harder to manage to utter even a single proper word. "Wait.. Just.. Hear.. Me, Nanoha. Please.." I see her walk away and I can't feel the legs under me. I thought I was ready for this, ever since the last fight we had just before I left on my previous assignment. It's just that.. I just.. I thought it would all work out again somehow once I get back. Like always..

"I'll hear you out.. and I guess you need to hear me too..There's so many things I haven't told you that I should have...You can hate me all you want, and I know it's not enough, but still.. I'm sorry." Her voice is so far away, even if it's just right beside. It's too far. She's too far.. I see a hand grabbing another...I want to close my eyes, but I can't. The only thing I can, is whisper..

"I don't hate you.. I never could.. I.." _love you, still do, will always do.._ The words get stuck in my throat. They hurt too much to come out.

"I...don't hate you either. I hope you can believe me.. I just can't bear this anymore. Please, read it, and think about what matters you the most. Then we can talk. Then I'll hear you out, I promise I'll listen everything, anything you have to say...just read it, think about it, and most of all, please, get some rest. You can have the bedroom.. I'm sorry, but I just can't stay with you, not tonight. I'll sleep in the guestroom with Hayate-chan, I...hope you understand.. Good night."

The slow, meek wave of words flow by, over, under, through, flooding my world, drowning me gently. I clinch the notebook in my hands, hoping for something. That it would make a change. That it.. I don't even know.. I'm not even sure if I said good night to the woman leaving the room, or if there had even been anyone else. Or was it me who left the room? I'm not sure of that either. I only feel myself falling into a scent so nostalgic it burns, and in a softness that caresses in a way it hurts. I think something warm is pressed against me. I let myself sink into the feeling, hoping that I can find the way back home when I wake up again..

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

I hear my eyes blinking. I see my breath coming out stale. I feel a soft noise just beside me. My senses must be mumbled pretty bad as I can taste the dullness within.

I draw open my mailbox, see a one from Yuuno. He's asking if it went well. Ha, I feel like I've been dumped in a well so I guess it's 'yes'.

Another one, from Teana, it seems.. She wants to know how I'm holding on. I'm holding this screen up perfectly so I guess it's 'just fine'.

Shario wants to know something as well. She's keen on my plans for the next few days. Topic I vaguely recall trying to avoid when we talked on board the ship. I guess.. I guess it's watching a happy family play and pretend it doesn't hurt..*sigh* I'll just say I'm catching up all the lost time with Vivio. That is the truth anyway. There, sent, with a cute happy emoji resembling the little girl referred to.

I slide the screen aside, and open another one.. Photographs. Memoirs of our time together as a family. Remnants of the time I thought would always last. A reminder how big a fool I was. Nothing's ever to be taken for granted. I, of all people, should know that.

My finger trails along the outlines of the auburn hair on a woman wearing a happy smile holding adorable little girl in her arms.. That's from the day we went to the Park Road amusement park the first time. Vivio was so excited. She had been too little to get on the fastest rides, but it didn't bother her that much. She forgot all about it when we saw the super sentai show they did there. She even got to participate on it, helping the masked hero defeat the villain by cheering him on. They gave her a little figure as a reward for her assistance.

We had fun that day. That I can believe in.. I can, can I?

I let my hand glide drawing out another picture. It's right after the Mariage incident. Vivio made another friend then. She was happy as ever. Even if I hadn't captured her smile on a film, I wouldn't ever forget it. She shined so brightly when she told me about Ixpellia. It's unfortunate that the girl had to fall in deep sleep before I got to meet her, but from all I heard, I can easily imagine the two of them having fun. My girl is so vivid with her descriptions that all her daily events seem to come alive when she tells me about them. She really likes to tell me stories of her life here, share them with me as if I had been there.

She wants to share her adventures with me. I can believe in that too.. can I?

Sliding out the photo, I accidentally spot a one I am not sure I can bear to see.. It's from a time we all gathered around the Yagami-residence having a big barbecue. I stare at the two smiling brunettes. I don't even know what I'm looking.. Clues, their gestures, missed hints, the hidden meaning behind the smiles, I can feel them laughing behind my back. They would never do it.. Would they? No. There's nothing to it. It's just how it is at a face value, we had a blast, we were surrounded by many friends, our best friends, and having spent ourselves engaged in so many games, we retreated to a place more quiet, just the two of us holding each other in our arms, gazing the night sky in a loving embrace.

That kiss wasn't meaningless..it wasn't just lip service..it wasn't all me.. I can believe that, can I? I'm allowed to, am I?

I close the folder, shut the screen hovering in front, and turn my eyes to the orange and brown notebook lying right beside me. I don't know if I want.. No, I do, but I don't know if I can read it. I'm scared. What if.. What if it tells me that everything I believed was just a lie, that I've been living in illusion, that it was just a dream, and now it's time to wake up?

I open a page, a random page, I don't feel like getting into it at the moment, but my cursed curiosity just can't help itself. It killed the cat, you know. And I hate wasted lives..

 _23 days after_

 _It's now easier to breathe, I think somebody aired the house.._

 _It must've been me, there's no one else around. Vivio is at Einhart's, I think.. I'm not sure, it could've been yesterday..._

I ate a cookie, it was bland, they're all bland.. I think we're out of sugar... I wonder if I should buy some... I should. Vivio wants it in her cereals..

It's bad for her teeth I keep telling her but she won't listen, Fate-chan's always giving her sweets when I'm not looking, and Hayate-chan, and Rein-chan..

 _Even Nove and Subaru..._

 _I don't even know what's so good about cookies, they taste bland, everything's bland...dull...I need to do some laundry._

I flip to another page, further forward.

 _37 days after_

 _Yuuno-kun tried to call.. I didn't answer.. I don't feel like answering any calls. I told Raising Heart to block them all, unless it's work.. Haha! I've become Fate-chan!_

There's nothing else written.. and there's nothing at the page beside it either, except for a short marking '38 days after' and nothing else. I swallow anxious, and turn the next one.

 _39 days after_

 _I saw a rabbit, it had a strange fur... I didn't eat it._

 _I don't feel like cleaning up so I think I'm gonna just lie down.._

 _If somebody wants to eat me, go ahead...not that way...or whatever rocks your boat, just clean up after. I'm tired._

 _Shit.. Hayate-chan's here, I should've never given her a key...why can't she just leave me alone? Doesn't she realize it just hurts more when she comes around?_

 _That it hurts to lie like this?_

 _That * **smudge** *er left alone._

 _I don't deserve this._

 _It just hurts...and it's not fair._

 _It's n_ * ** _smudge_** * _ault I'm a horrible frie* **smudge** *ven more horrible girlfriend...ex-gi* **smudge** *._

 _* **smudge** * that I don't have to hur* **smudge** *-chan with all my lies anymore.. it's good, r* **smudge** *ht? right? right?_

 _I don't wa* **smudge** *rt anyone.. * **smudge** *one who needs to hurt.. alon* **smudge** *'s...just* **smudge** *_

The rest is too smudged up to make anything out of it. I close the notebook and let it fall to the floor.

"..mama?"

I seem to have waken up the little girl lying beside me. I have no idea when she had come, or if she's been here the whole time. I think she's been here at least a while. I turn to my side to meet her sleepy, and worried gaze.. I'm sorry I woke you, and even more making you worry.

"Shh.. it's alright, Vivio, go back to sleep."

"..are you okay, mama?" Small teardrop falls from the corner of my eye with the question I hear from my precious daughter, and I place my arms around the little girl hugging her close. The soft warmth spreads throughout my body as she snuggles against it.

"I am now." It's not a lie.. It feels better holding her.

"..mama?"

"Yes, dear?"

"...don't be mad at Aunt Hayate.."

She must have heard me before.. I.. I don't know what to say. I can't lie to her, but it's complicated. I'm too much of a mess to think about this clearly.

"..I'm sorry I've made you worry, but it's going to be alright. Everything's going to be alright. We're.. just going through a tough time.. It's complicated, not just some vague adult stuff kind of way, I know you're smart enough to understand that.. It's just too complicated to explain."

"mmh.. I think I get it.. or don't.."

"You don't have to, sweetheart, it's not something for you to worry. I'm sorry you had to hear something like that. That was wrong of me, can you forgive me? Forgive the bad mama?" I rub her hair softly as I apologize. I really have a lot to make up to her. I can't keep going on like this, or I have to at least keep her out of it.

"Fate-mama's not bad, you're the best..!" Vivio tries to hold in her shout when she remembers what time it is. I don't know what kind of face she makes, but hearing her defending me was too heartwarming to handle without tears. How many have I already shed today, how many left before I dry out? However, these, these kind of tears I don't mind. The happy tears. For these I don't mind withering.

"You're not going away, are you?" All too familiar question, but a one I thought I already answered.. Unless it holds another kind of insinuation, and before I can open my mouth to respond, I hear her reaffirm my thoughts correct. "..I don't mean an assignment.. I mean.. You're not gonna leave for good, mama? Right? You're not.*sniff * going away. *sob* mama, *sob* don't go away.." Vivio starts sobbing pressing her nose tightly on my chest clinching her hold around me at the same, pleading with everything she has. Pleading me, so I wouldn't leave her behind.

"Whatever happens.. I will never abandon you, that I can promise. I love you, Vivio.. Mama loves you, and will always love you, no matter what. That too, I can promise."

"And I will always love mama.."

"I know. Let's get some sleep, okay? There's a whole bunch of things you need to show me tomorrow, wasn't there? Hm? We can't do all that if we're too tired."

"Mm! Good night, mama."

"Good night, dear... Sweet dreams."

Indulged in the love of my dear child, I feel all the worries of the day fall to slumber. At least for this night, for the rest of it, I can rest at ease. Peacefully. This bond.. I don't have to doubt it. It hurts now, but I'm not alone.. No matter how much I doubted everything else, that, is something I should believe in...and I want to make sure that Vivio can believe in too.

 _/AN : So, um.. This might have a lot more mistakes, typos, weird wording etc. than the previous ones, but I have an excuse readied up.. It was just too hard to proofread this with clear eyes... ):_

 _Anyhow, with this the introductory phase is over and done with, and we can actually move on to the story I meant to tell, and next up is going back on Hayate's POV as the women get together for an awkward family fun time._

 _Also on a commercial note (: I have two little multi-chapter fics just about ready to come out here (prolly next weekend or so), a one I mentioned in the foreword of ch1, and another centered on Vivio's and Einhart's relationship.. *Ooooh~ and smile with an x and a D* :)_

 _Should any of you have anything to point (and laugh) out at this chapter, characterization, or even make any future requests, the review option is very much encouraged._

Innocent Raccoon bows humbly and leaves to feed the kitties while checking out the curves on the alluring keyboard*


	4. Entitled

_/AN : Heaps of heartfelt thank yous to my unnamed guests, **SilverOsprey** (guest), **Bardiche3** , and **genetic-depression** for your encouraging reviews. This all warms a heart of a small little critter all too much! I do also love my pen name, while my own spirit animal is Butterfly (I'm a disgrace to my own kind..uguu~ :D)_

 _Anyhow, I've now checked Hayate's speech patterns and, while I am no linguist (and still struggling with my 'foreigners mistakes') they should be more consistent, thus, hopefully, she ain't no pirate no more. ~_^ (also edited a few lines on previous chapters for the same consistency.)  
_

 _About how they'll end up... uhh.. they'll end up without a threeway polyamoric relationship, that much can be said for sure, the rest have to be dragged out slowly, without spoilers._

 _Aight, here we go, to another chapter that's filled with poor comedy, 'service shot', action (yes there is!), and...drama, with a teeny bit a love in a mix.  
_

 _Disclaimer : I own no parts of the MSLN multimedia franchise, nor do I claim to do so, I only fantasize about it, quite a lot to be honest._

* * *

MSLN FF - Love Left Unspoken

" _Everybody, sooner or later, sits down to a banquet of consequences." - Robert Louis Stevenson._

* * *

A cool breeze passes through me soothing, calming, allowing me to indulge in it's gentle caress blowing away the unease from within, the ominous scent of inevitable failure, I thought it was set on stone, but the wind erases it all.. Or so I'd wish, and so bad. I shiver nauseous, uncontrollably, and my mirror image resembles abstract art more than a person. It's definitely a good thing I don't wear that much make up, it would be pain to try and put some on now. The grinning blonde beside me isn't helping either. This has got to be a dream. Ah~ a dream, how a comfortable thought. I should go back to dreaming right about now.

"Having second thoughts?"

"Nu-uh~ I need no seconds nor thirds, just one's enough on these nerves...and thank you 'n good night everybody!" I make a dramatic spin, an exaggerated bow, and walk a few steps closer to the hallway until I hear Shamal commenting on my theatrics that even I know are going way overboard.

"Adorably nervous. *giggle*"

I flip around to frown at the blonde giggling in her lime green loose shirt and a long forest green skirt who's having all too much fun with how I come crashing down. If I knew how it would come biting me back, I would have teased her less back then when she started dating Signum.. I need to ask Reinforce to calculate if it would be possible to build a time machine, how long it would take, and how much it would cost.

"Ooff~ It's horribly, not adorably..." Shivering, I breath, or try at least, and use my already shaking hands as a fan to cool my head. "Okay...I really don't wanna hear but uh.. How do I look?"

"*ahem* I'm not a one to question your fashion sense, but if you want my opinion, it would...appear your top is upside down." Hugging her giggling girlfriend, Signum answers commenting on the little blunder on my attire while trying to feign the chuckling I can still hear behind her voice.

And I'm not a one to question yours either, or I would have to remark on the dark blue boot cut jeans and the white t-shirt with a picture of a motorcycle on it that she got from a local biker convention and that it, in fact, looks awfully hot on her now that I think about it. Shoot, I can't even get one back at her. Henceforth, an order to retreat is called in action, with the intent to redress. Hopefully, with a hint of calming down on the mix. Even my inner monologue is all messed up.

" _Shamal-san, Signum-san. Stop teasing Hayate-sama.. She needs to rejuvenate in order to make it in time and this is counterproductive,_ " Reinforce links in telepathically, scolding the two Knights having too much fun at my expense. Even if a little laughter can only be a good thing, I..

..Lack the words to describe how blessed I am having such a wonderful assistant..

" _Yeah, we can get more laughs out of it after date._ "

..and how cursed by another.. Uguu~ Agito's a meanie!

" _Agito-san~ Adverse effects! Adverse effects~! Hayate-sama requires cuddling, not chuckling._ "

" _And_ _I told you to stop with the '-san', we're not strangers..oh, wait. You still call Hayate, Hayate-sama, even outside work, my bad._ "

"Cuddling does sound good~"

"Mmh~ It does.."

"..Whatever, I'll just..go change.. Y'all keep havin fun.."

I leave the girls to their own amusements cutting the communication channel, hearing Agito and Reinforce engaging in a light bickering, and Signum and Shamal starting to make out. Escaping the less than calming atmosphere, I hurry back to my room and undress, throwing all my clothes off, deciding it's best to start it over again from the beginning. Well, except for the lingerie, this time, I am ready for a hot date. Despite the fact that this isn't a hot date, but another family outing with a very low chance of actually getting to show these off.. ..Right, let's put that thought aside and focus on the outer garments.

Okay.. I haven't worn anything green for a while, but it just doesn't suit me the way it does Shamal, and yellow isn't that complimenting either, not like with Vivio.. I don't want to dress in black, we're having fun, not mourning.. White's.. out of the question. Somehow, it makes me even more nervous. And red would stand out too much.. My uniform's filled with brown to have just about enough of it for the next few days.. Purple? Or Lilac? Wait a minute.. That lavender blouse would sit well with a short denim skirt.. Feels soothing enough, without abandoning every last inch of sexy from these bums. Alright, let's go with that and take a matching cardigan in case I need to cuddle up to something warmer..

..It's probably for the best if I abstained snuggling against Nanoha too much. I don't want things turned any more uncomfortable. This is supposed to be a fun day, for all, not just the two, of us, and it will be. Fate needs this, more than the rest of us, she needs a soft fall. She hasn't had that much time to recuperate on her strenuous work hours. Something I should have known, or might've thought beforehand. Well, on a positive note, at least my hindsight isn't needing prescription, but we still ought to get something, preferably practical, readied for today. We need to ensure she won't fall wallowing in her negativity. And this could very well be my last chance in a while for a whole day out. So we have to try and make the most of this. For all of our sake.

I may be selfish, but I want the three of us to remain friends, together, whatever may come.

Aaand, on that thought, let's see if I can't get my clothes on the right way this time around.. ..Using a mirror wouldn't hurt. Yeah, definitely helping. *Phew* Now the only thing left here is to add the three golden barrettes on the left side. I don't know how nostalgic it'll look with longer hair, but I have to say it's...not half bad. Surprisingly, it's not too far off from the rest of my attire. I haven't dressed people up for nothing, after all, so no more doubting on that skill.

I psych myself up vibrant, clapping my hands together, against my legs, face, swing and swirl around, and finally jump up, and landing back down on my two feet, I can feel my blood flowing steady. It looks ridiculous, but that's inconsequential, the scale of helpfulness is all that matters.

" _Calmed enough to go?_ " Shamal inquires reopening the telepathic channel.

" _No, but I doubt I get readier over here._ "

" _How many years you have known Testarossa?_ " In her effort in reinstating Fate's true character back in my mind, Signum makes an abrupt pause, and I am a bit surprised to hear Agito continuing in her stead while I still munch on the rhetoric question. _"Well, I can't say I her know that well, but the time we spent together on board her ship, she never came off as a one to lash out just out of the blue._ "

" _Yes, that would be incongruous.._ " Reinforce stops to ponder for a moment.. ".. _Unless it's about Nanoha-san or Vivio-san._ " ..and slams the fears right back on the table.

" _Oy, Hayate! Don't go sweating that, Nanoha's also there, isn't she? And Vivio..._ "Realizing how she just invalidated Agito's argument by affirming the latter half of Reinforce's, Vita falls silent for an instance." _..there's also that kid Einhart...And I keep Graf Eisen at hand, just in case._ "

" _Ya think now's a good time to start cracking jokes, Vita?...You were joking...right?_ "

" _Look, we're all saying we have your back. Me and Reinforce are heading out too so we won't be that far away, and you can always bail out if it gets too awkward._ "

Now that would be inexcusable. There's a clear line between avoiding having your own happiness at other people's expense and just not facing consequences. Balancing it out will now be my responsibility. I don't even need to be an acrobat to succeed in that, it's not that tight a rope. Alright, showtime.

I grab the door handle, and get ready to set out to have a day to remember...hopefully in a positive light.

"Aight, let's go. This girl right here's ready to rock."

"Now, that's more like it~ Have fun~"

"Have fun."

"Just, don't exert yourself, Hayate-sama. Oh, well, let's go."

"It's going to be fine."

"Yeah, let's go."

The three of us, me, Agito, and Reinforce start heading towards and out the front door, the rest of the household, - with the exception of Zafira, who's training Miura, - are left staying back waving us goodbyes and wishing a fun day. With such love backing me up, I can't go wrong. Let's believe in it, and start the car. After all, this can't turn out worse than Fate's return the few nights back. Not now that she's had her chance to cool down.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 4 : Entitled

* * *

Thus let it be told, I am the very star of a bad sitcom with even lousier scriptwriter. My colleagues, or fellow victims if you will, are, starting from left, Vivio Takamachi, starring as the hyper-energetic girl with all too revealing clothes for somebody her age, and we haven't even got to the beach episode yet, and on that note I have to say that some of my swimsuits would cover more skin than her white and silvery hot pants, and her pink tube top. Without the fluffy white wristbands and her beige and white strap sandals, I would probably have to go back on my words and admit that Nanoha was right after all about there being a thing called age appropriate, a word I should consider adding in my dictionary.

And that brings us to the next superstar of the show, Takamachi Nanoha, acting out the part of the mama of the exuberant little girl, dressed up, sadly, in a lot more conservative way in her white and blue dress. It's a cute little detail that her sandals match her daughter's. You really can not not smile on that. Even if the girl and the woman in question are having a heated discussion, about..

..the next female actor of our little comedy group, at Nanoha's right, Einhart Stratos, wearing her blue, white layered, mid-length skirt with pure white stockings underneath, and a white blouse with an aquamarine hems and an aqua ribbon topping the front of her collar line. Now, if only her shoes weren't sky blue ballet flats, she would match the mama giving a passionate lecture about relationships and proper lines, especially about where to draw them. I heard a few blushing complaints resembling 'we were just holding hands..' and 'we are not even dating..' where the latter even had a sorrowful frown mixed in it. Aw~ it's just too adorable.

And last, but not least, watching the little play we have the real star of the day, our favorite Enforcer, Fate T. Harlaown, in her role as the seriously stressed out second mama / jealous ex-girlfriend / a cop about to turn criminal if looks could kill... At least she would make a hot mug shot in the black strapless mini dress worn over a white turtleneck. The black corset belt on her waist really does bring out her curves in a way that makes me incredibly jealous. And...Black knee-high platform boots with 6 inch wedge verifies the claim 'looks can kill', just in a different meaning.

I want to cut in, in all of this and so bad, but it's needs to be subtle, subtle and smooth. The last thing this situation requires is somebody fudging it up worse. Okay, here goes nothing..

"So, who's up for a little game, huh?" I raise my voice, dropping my tone to hide the nervous quivering I felt coming up. At least I got their attention, and on another positive note, I saw Einhart meekly lifting her hand as a sign of yes, or so I will interpret it. Now, to get the rest of the good people to play along. "Ladies and..little ladies, *ahem* we have our first volunteer, now might you come and give us a name and tell all the good folks here where you from?" I've already gone too far to stop now, so let's go all out.

"Einhart.. Stratos.. My ancestry, alongside my soul, originates from Shutra. However, technically speaking this body, and thus life, is Midchildan born. Therefore a one could argue either, or both, to be the true point of my origin.."

I wasn't expecting such a thorough answer. Well, anything goes at this point.

"My, what a splendid introduction. Full packet of knowledge, ancient and new, and not without a proper elegance either, wouldn't ya say, miss?" I turn to Nanoha inquiring her opinion on the matter. She is, however, too stunned to react before the girl shining bright for all the compliments her friend had gotten.

"Of course~ Einhart's the best! After Fate-mama!" Jumping out from behind the blanked out mother, Vivio proclaims her innermost feelings while her eyes keep switching between her friend and the blonde mother beside her...and after a few seconds she remembers the one left behind. "And Nanoha-mama!...I can't choose~! I don't to want to choose~ Do I have to?"

"Rest assured, this is not that kind of competition."

"Oh~ Then what kind it is, hm? Is there a price?" Nanoha smiles curious and amused, tightening the rope around my already stretched neck by adding unnecessary details on the little joke..

"Oh! A price!"

..and as I anybody could guess, her cheery little girl caught the word and jumped right in.

"...I only wanted your attention..." I can only mumble weakly under my breath. I need to come up with something, and fast, before this either goes out of hand, or falls back in awkward.

"Mmh~ Now don't tell me it's cops and robbers, with a twist?" Fate makes an ominous remark while fiddling with Bardiche. With her crooked smile it's magnificent display of a seriously dark humor. However, just to be sure..

"Hayate says, no weapons set up!"

"Ow~ We haven't had a mock battle in a long time.." Nanoha groans...in a not that joking manner. Are they ganging up on me? I see Fate smirking with a wink directed at me while she whispers something in Vivio's ear..

"Sacred heart, set up!"

..who assumes her adult form, grinning.

"It's not a weapon, so it's allowed."

"Teo.."

Even Einhart? Oh, my.. How's this going to turn out..? Well, at least Fate had gotten over the hand holding that happened a while ago, well enough for her to approach the older kid in a calm fashion. That's...a good thing, but is it safe? For me I mean?

"Bardiche, assault form."

" _Yes, sir._ "

Now, that _is_ a weapon right there!

"..Oops! I broke the rules, I guess I'm it?" Holding her weapon in her left hand, the adult blonde smiles crouching while wiggling fingers of her right, raising mock shrieks from Vivio and Nanoha, and a bit milder reaction from Einhart.

Seeing how this played out, I focus on my link to the Tome of the Night Sky, calling forth the power inside. I'm not sure if Simon Says Let's Have An Armed Tag is the choice I would have went for, but hey, at least we're doing more than just alternating between exchanging glares and awkward smiles, or quick jabs.. No we're now doing all of it at the same, in a full combat readiness.. Yikes...it's just game, it's just a game, it's just a game.

" _Hayate-sama? Are you okay? I sense an enormous disturbance on our connection._ "

" _Hopefully.. I mean yes, pretty darn okay, if I say so myself. I just happened to mash a repeat button inside my head, is all._ "

" _Umm.. We're not far away if you are in need of a unison device._ "

"Raising Heart, please! _Thank you Rein-chan, but it's not a real emergency, we are just having fun. I'll protect your Mistress, if need be, so you two can relax and enjoy your date~_ "

" _Fate says, no telepathy._ "

Fate runs up to Vivio first, who nimbly dodges the extended hand rolling right under it, and jumps back as the lightning fast blonde spins around trying to catch the girl with her left having switched the free hand faster than my eye could follow. Now that's impressive. Especially given how her boots are definitely made more for flaunting than walking, much less running or spinning.

"No magic!"

Hearing the order the younger blonde launches bindings on the mama reaching out to tag her.

"You didn't say 'Fate says' so I had to use it."

Oh, so that's how it goes now? Okay, I have to admit that this is, while seriously unnerving with all its possibilities, it still sounds extremely interesting. However.. this leaves me at even more disadvantage. I can't conjure up anything that fast. Which is why I got 'frozen'.

"No worries, I'll free you in a se- two- three sec- in a minute!" Nanoha shouts out to me while dodging Fate's grabbing attempts as she drives the brunette further away from me.

"Oh, everyone frozen over a minute becomes it, by the way."

And thus my hope is denied, farewell freedom.. I'll never catch any of them so that was an outcome I wanted to avoid, at least from the get go.

"Thou art now freed."

"Umm.. 's okay to ease up a little...but yeah, thanks a heaps, much appreciated..wouldn't even believe.." I smile at the silver-green haired girl touching my back with nervous blush on her face. "..Now, how 'bout we go and serve some justice of our own? You aren't that set on to see Vivio gotten caught, right?"

Einhart nods at me after a brief moment of a careful consideration.

"Aight, here's what we gonna do.. Fate-chan's pretty much all out on getting Nanoha and Vivio frozen, not just 'cause she wants to play with 'em more over us, we all know it's game over the second she catches either one of 'em, so.. While it's hecka solid tactic, it gives us a room to facilitate means to capture her instead."

Hearing my statement the adult-formed young teen arches an eyebrow with a puzzled look on her face.

"Ya see, with her superior reflexes covering up what she lacks in speed, Vivio's almost fast enough to match Fate-chan at a close range. And Nanoha's had more dueling experience with her than anybody, so she knows, if not all, at least most of her moves and how to counter 'em. To combat that, Fate-chan needs to bind Vivio while launching a surprise attack on Nanoha, the rules standing are all prepared just for that," I pause for a few seconds to see if Einhart is following. So far so good. The girl's memories extend to the Unification Wars after all, so in a sense she's a hard boiled veteran, it's undoubtedly sad, but in this case, it works to our advantage.

"I see.. If I.. If I may have the honor to suggest.." She asks my permission with an adorably fidgeting manner. I can see why Vivio likes her so bad. I nod affirming without hiding an inch of the grin her expression brings to my face. "..Fate-san has most likely foreseen how we could turn the situation on our favor, and thus anticipating our support. In the few mock battles I have had the gracious honor to witness her in action I deduce her expecting our retaliation to focus on the persons we care for the most, that is the only flaw in her character I can find on the battlefield."

An astonishingly accurate observation. My goodness gracious, she's not an ancient knight of numerous honors, she's a future elite agent of the highest caliber.

"I see where ya going here. To counter that, I head on rescuing Vivio, while you protect Nanoha. Alright, we good to go?" As I receive a determinate nod, I mark the go signal of our operation. "..She'll give out an order to use weapons just to force Nanoha into defensive action all the while she's binding Vivio, who's unable use no other weapons than her own body. That's our cue."

With another affirmative nod as her response, Einhart and I prepare to step in closer. Fast enough for Fate to notice our movement, but slow enough to not raise her alertness. If she lost us from her field of vision, she would instantly search for us and that would not be good. My companion could hold her off long enough to wait for help, but I would be done in in a second if we got to a close combat. Now.. She knows we're scheming something, and that will force her to take action sooner than later to keep her reins over this situation.

"Use magic!" Fate gives out an adverse command, forcing us to hold off magic. So far, just as planned. It will go off the moment she gives out her second. In, three, two, on- "Fate says, strike with your weapon."

She doesn't say where, but it is a good way to ensure we're all busy for a brief instance. Instance which she uses..

"Lightning bind!"

..to strike out in the air nonchalantly as she throws a bind on Vivio with her free hand while sprinting up front towards, and around, the brunette bracing for impact. As I step in close to Vivio, I realize the blunder we made.. ..Einhart cannot touch Fate, and the blonde sure does know that. She doesn't need to pay any attention to her daughter's best friend. And I..

"Fate says, magic bind the person next to you."

..can't use magic fast. Shoot...

While Vivio's binds aren't that strong or refined, they work fast enough to serve their purpose, I had been moving at a full speed towards the just released little blonde with the intent to use my body to cover her from a possible fast surprise attack, and those two facts combined..

"Ow!"

"Ugh!"

..Leaves us bound together on the grassy plain. Now, the person whomever the adorable little girl chooses to be her significant other will absolutely be one of the most luckiest people in the whole multiverse. She's way too soft and smells too good to be true. Definitely Nanoha's daughter, blood relation or not, I spot the similarities. Well with some additional volume, that shows how she's also Fate's child.

However, as comfortable as this feels, it's nearing the point of inappropriate, and the chilling glare from, not only the blonde mama beside me, but from the auburn haired bound next to Einhart as well...If my eyes don't lie, it's even more vicious than Fate's.

"The game is over, so I can't make it an order, but would you still please be so kind as to refrain from fondling my daughter?"

"I might require some assistance for that, but yeah, I believe had my share for the day.." I try to laugh it off, but the two mamas are not interested in hearing jokes. Even less as Vivio grabs her arms around me while showing her tongue to her friend who had collapsed over Nanoha in a fashion not too dissimilar from our collision over here. I love you little girl, but don't get me killed just to get one back at your mama and Einhart in a spur of youthful jealousy, the adult version of that is less than cute.

Managing to pour enough magic to release myself from the restricting hold, both the magical and the physical, I rise up to dust, and adjust, my clothes a bit, and turn to smile to Fate while giving a slight bow.

"Congratulations. It was a good game."

"Thanks, I just got lucky," She answers friendly, before turning to grumble to herself. "..as did you, unfortunately..."

"Einhart!" Vivio runs up to her friend, frowning, leaving out the usual honorific from her name.. "..-San!" ..just to add it a few seconds after with an excess blush creeping up on her cheeks.

The girls stare at each other, and their own feet, taking turns to open their mouths only to shut them silent. The sugary view is, however, cut off with another enamoring visage. A one bit more pouting than blushing, but captivating nonetheless. Too much to take in this suddenly, and I mimic the two young girls right by us, switching back and forth from agape to shut tight.

"..Umm...Uh.." I close my eyes hoping the ground would swallow me up before my heart gives out. I feel compelled to apologize, but I don't know how and what exactly, and I feel even more embarrassed as I find myself rubbing my feet together while squirming nervously. This is seriously ridiculous. "...Hoo~Who's hungry?"

Luckily, Einhart is there to help me out, again, lifting her hand, desiring to escape this ambiance just as much. Or it could be that she was just hungry, given the cute grumble her belly lets out, raising even more heated flush on her already rather pink face.

"Seeing how I got caught the most, I figure it's gonna be my treat? So, suggestions?"

"I know this nice little place by the freeway through 16th. Went there once with Teana after mission. Really liked the décor, but the taste? Mmh~ There's no word for that. Their pasta is just celestial."

"Hmm~ I don't believe it can better than Fate-mama's or Lindy-baasan's, but we'll see about that soon enough!"

"I may have heard Subaru-san mention the place in a discussion about.. *blush* places for a perfect date..*blush*"

"..I know it too, but I wanted to check it in a more romantic mood.." Nanoha complains whispering to my ear, sending a few shivers right through. "..say, what are your plans after? I mean you are coming over, right?"

Trying to cool the burning sensation feeling her breath on my ear gives me, I glance at the blonde staring us with eyes full of deep contemplation.

"Yeah, I was about to suggest the same.."

"..Uh.. I dunno, I have to get home by the night, there's a whole mountain of things needing to be done this weekend, so we'll have to see.."

I laugh nervously in the strange pressing cocktail of glares : inquisitive, expectant, indifferent, and lastly, disappointed. There's too much at stake, in various ways, so I can't give in. I shake the uneasiness, and curve my lips to a familiar smile, a one I'm known for, give a wink on the go, and put my right foot forward getting ready to treat an expensive, awkward, but surely an extremely delicious dinner. I'll figure a way to make this in my favor as we go, without having to hurt anyone, or making things worse.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

* * *

Despite my initial plans, I had a little say on my whereabouts for the night. Besides Nanoha insisting it with her puppy face, Fate practically, and part of the way in an actual sense of the word, dragged me into coming to the Takamachi residence. The blazing gleam in her red eyes was...something more fitting on a horror film, always watch out for the quiet ones, huh..? All jokes aside, after we bade Vivio and Einhart good nights, the rest of us sat down to have a chat and a few drinks at the dinner table, soda this time, but I'm still starting to feel that Shamal's right about me needing to inspect my relationship with alcohol a bit closer. While this time our glasses may be dry of wine, I'm drawn in those kind of endeavors all too frequently these days to count it as purely innocent flirting..

..And the moment I stop to ponder my situation, Nanoha left the two of us by ourselves, heading upstairs to remove her make up, and turning my head back at the friend sitting across the table, my eyes met the fiery burgundy throwing daggers at me, again.

"Not the way you planned things to go, huh?" Fate's glare is veiled, transparently, behind a friendly mask, or is it the other way around ; her kind expression is tainted by the anger she's holding in? Could be both, in fact, probably is.

"I told ya, I was going home...so, no." I turn my eyes away for a moment, take a deep breath, let it out with a sigh, and tilt my head back right. "..and I wasn't _planning_ anything else, just hoping."

"Well, don't get your hopes up too high."

"A bit too late for that.." One look at her deadpanned face tells me all about how amusing she finds me. Okay, different change in tactics. "..If I can't get you having a good time, might as well go and do the opposite.. Here I am, say all you have to say, I ain't going anywhere."

"I was afraid you weren't.." Rising up from her chair she shakes her head slowly, walks across the room, and pulls out a communications screen typing a quick message. Stopping to sigh, she puts the screen away and goes on to grab a familiar looking journal, breathing in and out, deep. Lifting her gaze back up, she turns around to return with a lot more confident steps than those she had left with. "..and now I'll hold your word on that."

Fate flips a few pages from here and there, without any apparent purpose, until she sets on a one that, looking from here, could be estimated to be just over halfway through, and lets out an eerie chuckle followed by even more frightening bemused delight. Never ever in my life would I have guessed I preferred a look of dismay over mirth. If she had had a glass of anything intoxicating, it could be a different story. However, she hasn't even drank a half a cola.

"I think I need to take back my words...which I guess I never said out loud, now did I? Oopsie~ Sorry about that~"

"You okay?" I can only blink with the strange way she's acting out. I am honestly worried of her mental condition. The only thing assuring me she hasn't gone completely nuts is the way she holds her voice back enough to not be heard upstairs.

"No need to call Shamal-san, I'm fine~ Never been better, it's just that, just that.. You're just too hilarious for me to handle."

"Ooooo-kay?"

"You, like, actually, honestly, totally seriously, so do believe that this.. whatever is it that you're aiming for could ever have a happy ending.. You do, don't you? That's like beyond naive. Even the dumbest idiot will realize there's just no chance in hell for that, not anymore.." Rolling her eyes, she pauses for an instance, letting me try to intake both ; her words, and their meaning, before she resumes. "..We're _way_ past it. Sorry, but you gotta take your pick and stick with it. Now, this might come as a shock to you, but you just can't have everything. That's not the way it works." She waves flapping the notebook in front my eyes for a while, before retracting her hand, and slowly assuming a calmer posture.

"You read it?"

"Just a few pages, mostly at random, *chuckle* this whole thing is mostly random. Anyways, I take it you haven't read it either?"

Inspecting my bewildered gaze, Fate arrives to the obvious conclusion. I still shake my head a few times sideways, as a formality, and see her clearly pleased with that reaction.

"Seeing how we've already come to share so much, why don't we share this too...oh no worries, the world may not revolve around you but from what I saw, this entry does, so I'm probably not giving away too big a secrets, not anything you shouldn't know, anyway.. Okay, ready? Brace yourself."

She clears her throat, takes a final inquisitive glance with a peculiar smile, and starts to read out loud.

" _40 days after_.. really do like the title, not original, but it is catchy.. although I may be a little bit biased. After all it is written by her.. So, are you comfortable enough, hm? Ready to move on? Okay, here we go, for real this time. Without the commentary."

I shake my head seeing Fate giggle by herself like a lunatic. Witnessing something like this hurts that much more than if she just yelled or cursed at me. I take a deep breath trying to sit back comfortably, as she had encouraged, and I brace myself to whatever follows shifting my full attention on her calm voice reading Nanoha's journal as if it were a children's book.

" _I feel sick to my stomach...actually my stomach is sick... and my head...I just knew it, hanging out with Hayate-chan can only bring me pain..._

 _I guess it's that karma thing, and balance, you just can't have it all good...not that I was feeling all good anyhow.._

 _It's about time I got to try this venting out the usual hangover regrets thingy, sounds like just the thing to do on a morning like this, could just make the most of having grabbed this along, eh?_

 _So.. regrets.. this time.. If I had to pick a thing to regret it'd be... I don't really regret leaving home, going outside was nothing but a good thing, the air felt foul no matter how many windows I kept open, so.. my regret would have to be..not remembering everything? I guess? I feel I saw a beautiful dream, but I can't say if it's true...so yes, that's a definite regret._

 _I wanted to remember the taste on my lips at least.._

 _It had been nearly two weeks since I last felt a soothing presence beside me easing my sleep, and not counting Vivio, it's even longer.. a full month..? Oh, yeah that happened.. I don't recall much about that time either.. I had collapsed at work and Hayate-chan brought me home, somehow, at some point, for some reason. She held me close, too close for comfort, and too far to be enough. It was the first time since Fate-chan left that I slept, even longer since I felt loved._

 _How long has it been since I felt that...? I dunno.. Too long to say for sures, until last night.._

 _It might've been a dream, and it may not been enough, not for me, but I did feel it...that feeling of coming alive, the passion flooding in._

 _I thought I was empty, like I only wanted something I can never have.. the way I chased to clear Fate-chan's eyes, the way I reached out seeking for her heart. Each time in a different way. The way...I never felt it was enough...am I really...just an addict yearning a new, better fix? I wonder...just how am I going to fix this...I really do need more, whatever I am, whatever I need..this is not enough._

 _Best not go too deep in it now..not here..and my head hurts, and I can't think straight...oh yeah, that was a good movie, should go and watch it again some day...better than a look at the wrong direction..all time favorite pastime..._

 _Ugh, now my hand hurts too. First time I've wrote this much by hand in a very very long time._

 _I'm starting to feel bad for this diary for all the neglect and abuse I've put her through.. First.. I'll name her 'dia-chan'.._

 _Sorry for being a horrible friend. And thanks for listening Dia-chan, with your help, maybe I can one day apologize to the rest deserving the same._ "

"You're right, it is pretty random."

"..my incoherence aside, it sti-"

"Nu-uh. Don't say a word." Fate cuts off the voice joining in from behind with the return of our group's missing member, and waits for a brief moment, before resuming. "It's like this.. I actually...could've just get over it, if it was just about you fooling around behind my back. I don't like it, but I do understand, it gets lonely in here. I can live with that. What I mean is, I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna see, I really don't wanna know how far you two have gone or will go, but if it's just fu- physical, we can deal with it.."

Letting us listen the miserable shivering of our shocked breaths, Fate rises up from her seat, and goes to place the notebook on her bag, before turning around to speak again with voice carrying so much pain, yet still somehow manages to remain steady, even and clear.

"..but cheating on my emotions..? Never. You wanted to talk? I beg to differ, you wanted excuses. Well, if I need to hear yours, I can give mine just the same, can I?"

"I'm not too big on swallowing my words.. I'll hear ya."

"..call them whatever, just keep your voice down, I think the girls are asleep."

"..Okay, first, a quick 101 on emotions, when people get them, and people do feel them, even clones, and at times those feelings can get overwhelming, and sadly, mother didn't make me come with a pocket universe to pour and hide them all in. I guess it's just another number on the list on why I'm a failure..."

"Fa-"

"..And those feelings can't be dictated from the outside. Honestly, you keep telling me how to react, how to take everything about this, how sweet and considerate. Have either of you actually stopped to think about how _I feel_? Even for a moment? No? I am not the one who's self-absorbed here...I'm not saying I'm giving up, I won't. However, I want to at least try and respect _your feelings_ and I won't force or press you to make a choice you don't want..." Fate lowers her sorrowful gaze and continues, shrinking having spent her strength. "I'm going to stay with mom for a while, I can't stay here and not fight, not when it's like thi-"

"I'll tell Vivio in the morning. She can come with you as long as you stay there, if she wants. It's still within a distance where she could commute to school from without a hindrance," Nanoha interrupts Fate, agreeing surprisingly readily. I guess she could have foreseen something like this happening.

"..Th-thanks.. I.."

"It's for Vivio, not you," once more, Nanoha cuts in, halts for a brief pause, and resumes, this time with a less determinate voice "She _still_ needs you.. She's too stubborn to give up on you. And the only thing you actually need to try, is to make sure she's right in placing all that trust on you, she deserves it, and more."

..I don't know which is harder for her ; that things have come to this, or if she's only afraid of her daughter's disappointments? I feel awful for not even wanting to think of the possibility that it just could be hard to let Fate go..

"..I'm sorry I'm being a bitch."

"..I'm sorry I'm being inconsiderate."

"..I'm sorry I-"

"There's nothing you can apologize that would make any difference.. But if you want to try, you need to think about why I'm mad in the first place..." Fate stares me down before I get a chance to join on the women apologizing each other for their behavior, sighing right after. "However, I said a thing or two too much the other day. _I_ apologize."

I honestly don't understand. I get how she wouldn't be ready to hear me, or if she ever is, but the implications her words and tone carry...I am completely clueless on what they even could mean. This is the first time I have to admit that I cannot read her, at all. And she knows it, so there's nothing I can do, but to carry on in the only manner I know I can pull off at any time..

"That's.. not that fine, but I'll let it slide. I'm just glad you didn't cut me in half." ..the so-called 'joke charade'.

".. _yet_." She winks at me in a way that gives me chills and smile at the same, in an awfully confusing manner. "I'll...be going now, see you, bye."

Fate turns around with the sound of a car arriving at the yard. So that's what that message was. She was already set on leaving then.. Or if I had to make a wild guess, even before.

"Bye."

"See ya."

Both of us wave to the back of our friend not even tilting her head to look back at us, not even flinching at our words, the only reaction I find from her, is a relieved sigh right after she put her boots on and just before she turned the doorknob, and walked right out leaving us in a room full of painful silence.

"Don't let her-"

"Please don't.." This time it's my turn to interrupt. "..you told me ya don't wanna lie to me, so don't.. She's spot on, dead spot on, y'know.. I ain't got no clue, and that's all on me, solely on me."

"Mmh.. Okay.." She nods with a short mumbled hum and walks right beside placing her arms around me. "Can I still.. hug you?"

I only laugh weakly in response, half for myself and how pathetic I feel, and half healed by the care I'm allotted. Snuggling against the source of my – no a longer a that secret – comfort, I inhale the soothing aroma invading my senses, and feel her cheek pressed on mine.

"I need attention too.. It's not fair if you only keep appeasing Fate-chan while ignoring me. I.." She stops her words, and spins me around. Gazing deep in my eyes I feel a burning sensation. Is it hers, or mine? Both? I feel losing control, again. And as I feel my body shivering, she continues. "..you told me this isn't wrong. If you really mean it, then... act like it."

As I open my lips to response, what? That I don't know, or remember, it's the same really. Before I could get a word in, she closes my mouth with hers and the feeling erases everything else. My lips come cupped in caress, wild, sensual, but soft all the more. I push mine against hers indulging in the taste filling my senses.

I quiver, as I feel her arms pulling me closer, and respond in kind letting my hands slide on her sides exploring her body through the soft fabric. Her fingers slip under my blouse and I yelp in her mouth letting her tongue clash on mine. This.. I can't stop.. My heads says no, not like this. My body disagrees, this is just what I need. And my heart...is beating senseless, wordlessly heating up the blood in veins.

I taste her saliva, as she teases my lips, and press my tongue on hers. Sweeter than honey, more intoxicating than any amount of wine, better and more than I have ever dreamed. Her fingers trace on my back, nails scratching faintly, and suddenly driving in, I groan again in her mouth. Now I know what she meant with 'not enough', I need more. It's not the same as what she wrote, but I know the feeling.. I know how you shouldn't, and still can't help but want.

Her lips capture my tongue and she sucks it in caressing the underside with her own tongue, grinding against it, and just as I feel it beginning to hurt, she releases me and dives in my mouth instead...I can no longer even tell where we are, there's nothing else left in the world. She pulls apart and smiles.

"Come.."

With no other words, Nanoha guides me holding my hand, as we head to the bedroom. This is a dream come true, a delightful introduction to a nightmare.. And I can't say no. I can never say no to her. The gentle fingers caress the palm of my hand, and the only thought besides my need to feel her close, is the question : am I allowed to enjoy this? Am I..entitled to any of this? ...With her?

* * *

 _/AN : First, the next few weeks are gonna be hella busy for me, so I can't guarantee updating at this pace, but I'll do my best. And.. to things regarding this..  
Out of the three MCs, I'd judge Fate to be the most emotionally mature (despite, or because, her insecurities), and would be the last to give up, and the first to adjust properly. Strikers show a lot of evidence on that. She really does grow throughout the series from episode 4 of first to -well force don't count (not for Thoma, but for, apparently, permanent hiatus, in other words, discontinuation).._

 _Also, the magical lyrical dia-chan will play an important role in the end game. And up next : there's somebody else who needs to work besides Fate. And that.. will leave Nanoha wondering about things as the three women's feelings come all the more Entangled._

*Innocent Raccoon bows humbly coughing something coincidentally sounding like 'no bets kids', and leaves to make an average pasta, while flirting with the keyboard*


	5. Entangled

_[EDIT : Fixed an embarrassing amount of mistakes, inc. awkward wordings, missing words, etc.. Also added this note.]_

 _/AN: Please allow this one to express the most sincere and deepest of gratitudes for everybody reading, and especially following, and/or faving this humble work. It's like I was a real author, yay! (:_

 _Also, special heartfelt thanks for ; the unnamed guest (I assume you found Strike Love to ease the need of NanoFate?); **Sacred Heart** (guest) (I'll share my thoughts on the request at the end notes); and **Bardiche3** (My heart aches too with all the pain I need to put Fate going through, but it's necessary part of a healing process, and I hope we'll find an ending that'll make amends) for your reviews. Any kind of feedback is always more than welcome, but this kind of encouragement warms this one especially. :)_

 _Nanoha will definitely react to whatever Fate does. No matter how things stand, she is not indifferent to her after all. The how, will be determined on where exactly Nanoha is on dealing with the sudden reality check she has go through. So far, not going well...and on that thought, I hope this chapter answers some questions about her that previous chapters have kind of left in the air. In other words, please do try and enjoy this new chapter from Nanoha's POV with any and all of it's possible extents._

 _Disclaimer : I do not hold or pretend or claim to hold any rights on any part of the MSLN-franchise, it's just something I wish upon the stars._

* * *

MSLN FF - Love Left Unspoken

* * *

"Alright, everybody. That's enough for the day, thanks for your hard work, you've really improved a lot," I release the binds on the groaning group sighing relieved hearing me signaling the end of today's training session. My lips curve upwards all the more seeing their fast recovery and the polite parting bow made in perfect unison. They took a lot more time to stand up when we started, it's a definite progress on their stamina that will serve them well when we take it to the next stage.

"The only improvement I see is them getting used to being battered by you. At this rate the only thing they're ready for is to take a beating. We're training future agents, officers, and enforcers, not cannon fodder," The short redhead beside me is, however, seeing the same sight in a different light.

"Oh~ I never would've guessed to hear you suggest slacking off."

"Don't twist my words, Nanoha. It's just a bit terrifying how brutal you can be under that smile," Vita shakes her head while releasing her armor and Graf Eisen, and turns to look at me with inquisitive eyes. "Is there something going on? Hayate's acting weird and you're.."

"There's just things.. going on, and in my mind," With a sigh, I let my eyes linger on the distant horizon for a brief moment, before I turn around to walk back indoors with my colleague.

"Look, I get that, and if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. I don't know much about these relationship things anyway, so I don't know how much help I'd be. I just kind of figured you two would be, I don't know, happier now."

"In a sense, yes. It's just that.. Like I said, there's just things.. A lot of things," I try to smile, but even I feel it too forced, and decide to drop the act before I get too caught in it, letting my shoulders droop down a bit.

It's not so much that I'd only wish to avoid the topic than it's about that I just...don't know what to say. I don't even know what is it that's keeping me on edge. I should be happy, and I am. I believe I am. I do feel happy. Everything's just so new that it takes some time to get accustomed to. I could, I don't know, be overcautious, in a way that's preventing me from enjoying things as they come, or something.

"Whatever it is, don't bottle it up. And don't take it out on work. I know you know better than that."

"Nyahaha... I believe I've learned my lesson."

"Good. The last thing I want is to see you collapse again."

I too, sincerely hope it doesn't go that far, it was all too embarrassing the last time. Although, without it, I doubt that everything would've gone the way it did. I would still be left lying in a state of a muddled mess, waiting for something, or someone, to spring a change. Now that I have the change much yearned for...I'm in a different sort of mushed up pile of emotions. Not to mention I can't help but look back at Fate's words, what she said to Hayate.

I know it wasn't meant like that..

"Well, I'm off now, see you tomorrow."

"Oh.. Yeah, bye~!"

..but it still sounded as if she was hurt more of it being Hayate that I started going out with, than the rest..? Now that I think about it. Are we, actually, going out? What is it that we have in the first place? It's not...It's more than friends. Friends don't do that kind of stuff. Oh, wait, on that thought, we were like that with Fate a long while before we officially began dating. When it even is that people start being in a relationship?

Is there a clear line you cross and just poof, now it's dating, or some other kind of specific variable you add in the equation and it sums up in a relationship? I've only been with Fate so I don't know how it should work. In TV and novels people just start dating, or confess their love, or move under the same roof, and people I know only talk about how they were proposed, or met, not about the defining moment when they changed from friends to lovers and what it was exactly...And now that I think about it. Have either of us said any word whatsoever about love? No, I would remember. I haven't been that out of it.

I wonder why...why is it so hard to say it out loud, when it's so much easier to show it without words? It really can't go on like this.

"Hey there~"

"Oh, H-Hi!"

Having walked inside the main quarters, I jump a bit startled, hearing just the one I was thinking about suddenly calling out to me. I raise my gaze to see Hayate blushing and faintly shivering under a smile and a facade of calm and collected. It's kind of cute, really, but her nervousness is too contagious. Still, I feel like I shouldn't waste this sudden chance.

"So, um.. What's up?" Oh, seriously? Couldn't I sound any more unnatural..

"Roof?" She frowns hearing herself, now matching my awkward posture. For some reason, unlike with myself, I just find it adorable watching her trying to pick herself up to continue nonchalantly. "Oh, well, I was just on heading stretching these legs out in the sun 'till my eyes caught something far too pretty to pass by. And enough on me, how's it at your end? Got off early?" She asks something extremely odd, given the time, and I stop to take a note on a detail I completely missed before. She's wearing a familiar brown military suit of the Ground Forces instead of her blue commander's uniform from the Mobile Investigations Unit. Is she here assembling another new team? Does this mean, there's been a progress on her case? I vaguely remember hearing something about it from Reinforce..

"It's well past four already.. Tell me, are you, okay? You're not...working too hard, are you?"

She only blinks at my question, before she takes a look outside through the window, and turns right back with a familiar smile on her face.

"Nothing that serious, kinda wish I were. Or wish I even could, this case keeps going right on nowhere."

"Oh, I...thought you were here assembling a team?"

"I am, were, and have been for a while now," The glimmer disappears from her eyes with her answer, falling..sad? Did I just say, or ask, the wrong thing? "I thought I told- ah, nevermind, I'm rambling to myself here. I have to be more tired than I thought..." She even sounds tired, exhausted really. Wanting to offer comfort and support, I draw in closer.

On a quick look around I spot no one else nearby, and move a few steps closer than it would be appropriate on duty, taking her hand in mine.

With the touch of our hands, I feel her flinch, but as I hesitate, she offers me a warm reassuring expression. She's just shy, I guess. More than I, it seems. Oh, no wonder. Something this serious is all new for her. Especially on the corridors of a military facility, a place of stern discipline and strict rules. I hope I'm not only causing more trouble instead of alleviating them. Despite her loving smile, the small body right beside me, is shaking, as if afraid..?

"..Nanoha.." She utters my name with a dazed flush under the frail gaze. It warms my heart seeing the wall of jokes collapsing right in front of me. I feel trusted, but I still know all too well how there are too many things untold, secrets held within, forming a rift of unvoiced words between us. Desiring to bridge the gap even if only a little, I boldly hold her, blatantly disregarding our location. Inconsequential detail on a bigger picture. The soft feel of her body against me is that much more important. "I.. We need-"

"..Are you coming over, tonight?" I cut her off. If she's feeling lost, afraid, or guilty, it's my turn to take the lead. I will not let her slip away, no, not now, not anymore. "We can talk more freely then, if you want. We can do whatever we want. Vivio's with Fate-chan at Lindy-san's place, so we have the whole house. For just the two of us," I can't help but blush at my own words and the suggestive manner and tone I spoke them..

..And I'm not the only one. I can almost hear her heartbeat watching the pink flush creep heating on her cheeks with the quivering breath. Butterflies start dancing around my stomach as I recall the other night, and what happened. I hadn't felt so alive, so hot and wanted, in a long time.

"..It's gonna take late. I can't up and leave for, don't even know how many hours.."

"It's all right, I can wait," She isn't saying no, so it's alright if I give a gentle nod and a push until she finds her confidence, isn't it? I don't want to interrupt her work...but she needs a balancing aspect to counter it. It's not good if she becomes like Fate. Not just for me. No, this is not just for me. "I'm used to wait a few days longer than late in the night."

The words escaping my mouth are something a lot other than I thought. It came out so wrong, and it shows in the flinch hidden under her warm expression.

"It can't go on like this... Aight, if it's fine I'm coming late, I'll be there," Having a few seconds of deep contemplation, Hayate gives in, and while agreeing to my proposal, the gloom veiling her eyes fade further away. I'm glad. For all the care she's given me, I want her to receive the share she deserves in her hour of need.

"Say, Nanoha.."

"Hayate."

Hearing my name, I succumb to the urge of saying hers on the brief pause she held to confirm my attention. It reminds me of a certain day when we were younger, much younger, barely started middle-school if I recall correctly, and we were practicing leaving out honorifics, something we thought we should get used to, if we truly intended to make a career at TSAB. We just kept calling each other by a name only with giddy, fluttering feelings. It felt so stupid.. And it made Fate so jealous when she overheard us, aw, that was a cute moment. Well, it wasn't that cute then when she sulked for a week without telling me why...but in the end, it still brought the two of us even closer when we cleared things between us.

"..Nanoha," She calls my attention back on her from my idle thoughts. "Vivio's staying with Fate-chan for at least this week, right?"

I nod. Is she..? Is she trying to suggest what I think? Anxious, I await her resume.

"I can.. I can come over tonight, if you want. But uh, how'd you feel on a thought of ya coming to stay with us, for the now, at our place..?" I feel my excitement toning down milder. All things considered, it is a reasonable suggestion, a one that I can find no fault in, nor a valid reason to object, rather I should be elated. Still, somehow, I can't help but feel disappointed. "..I can't leave you alone by yourself for that long, not without worrying, and I can give ya no promises on being there all the time, but at least staying with us, there would always be somebody around to keep ya company."

"You don't have to say a thing here, just think on it. I.. gotta get back to work. I.. see ya later at night?" Hearing my silence, she offers me time to think about it carefully, and with a gentle smile on her face, she gets ready to bid me goodbye for the next hours until the late evening.

Giving another nod, I offer a smile of my own, and draw my lips closer to hers. She doesn't resist, she doesn't pull away, and as she closes her eyes, I close mine and brush my mouth on hers, on the gently caressing cushions I've come to adore.

The soft sensation, the sweet aftertaste, it's all too much. I pull apart, and feel our heaved breaths collide.

"S-see you tonight."

"Yeah, see ya..."

Our nervous partings echo on the hallways, as I pull my hands feeling cold for the loss of touch, and turn away before I change my mind and push her against the wall, or something other inappropriate for us to do here. Lost in the lingering pleasant feel and the desire it springs, I set my way to my locker, and decide to pay a visit to Subaru. It's been too long since I've been with, anyone besides Hayate and her family.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 5 : Entangled

* * *

I sit down on a comfy bench at a small park with a pleasant atmosphere, an air near to a one you could feel at a city park in Japan back at Earth, and take a sip from a canned tea from a nearby vending machine, hoping it will calm me down on this.. surprise encounter.

Not having thoroughly prepared for the possibility that Subaru could, in fact, already have plans for the evening, I came in unannounced. And at the front gate I met with Teana, who also, turned out to have entertained similar thoughts on her mind. Unlike me though, she had properly asked in advance, and was there ready to pick her up for their date, or as quoting her : "simply for a few drinks, light dinner, a movie, and other stuff that is perfectly normal for two friends to do together without any further implications whatsoever". I had to hold my laughter at that point, as I never implied anything to begin with. Well, not directly.

So, they had plans, and I had none, but to idle my time away until Hayate would be freed of her work. And reading her words right, it could take late even if she rushed through, which was a situation I wouldn't wish to push her in no matter how slowly the time feels crawling on the waiting end. And right there, at the very moment of that given thought, I heard a familiar laugh echoing nearby.

Giving into my curiosity, despite my better judgment, I headed towards the direction of the voice, and after a few slow and highly uneasy seconds, I saw Fate waving goodbye to a blond man I could recognize even in my sleep. Our mutual childhood friend, a one I, for years, felt grateful for the me I became through the various encounters I had while and after assisting him by a sheer chance. Even as we have drifted apart along the years passed, we all still gather around a few times a year to commemorate the time spent together and welcome it to continue into future the same. Or gathered.. Now.. I don't know. Maybe one day the thought won't feel so awkward. Well, that would be something for some other time. Now I felt like asking Fate a few questions.

Which is why I dragged her along with me to the nearest place to sit down I could find.

"So, how's it going, like now..?" I turn my gaze to the blonde wearing a carmine blouse with a cute little accenting frills on the outer lines, and black tight jeans showing off her well shaped long legs. While I am, in a sense, glad to see her wearing more than just usual black (or occasional black and white), I'm very bothered by the rather low neckline, as if it was there to say good riddance for me, dressing up flashy and flirty now that she's single. "..With like Vivio and all?"

I totally stumble at my words, and end up avoiding the questions really running through my head.

"Fine, actually. We've had nothing but a blast *chuckle* although, Arf may begin to disagree," Fate smiles gently while speaking with a soft friendly voice.

"Oh.. That's good.. Not that Vivio's playing a little too rough with her, but still.." I hear myself faltering again. It's been too long a while since I've seen her smile a genuine smile, even if it's a bit vague one, or even having a calm adult conversation with me. Too long to believe this true...or a lasting moment.

"It's been only two days since we left, not that many things even could have gone wrong just yet. Is that what you wanted to ask me?"

..and with that, she brings the bag holding the cat back on the table. And now, I'm having second thoughts as I wanted to enjoy this atmosphere as long as humanly possible. Can I, resist the urge, to lay it all out, even for a little longer? I know I can't make it come out right, now matter how I tried..

"Um, yeah.. Well, there might or might not be some other kinds of issues, but I am concerned about Vivio. It's not that I don't trust you, you've always been good with kids.. Actually, I feel you'd make a great mama, not just for our Vivio, but.. y'know?"

..still, I managed to steer the discussion to direction I am already regretting even thinking about. To a topic I began feeling better left untouched, at least at this point.

"No, I don't know," Fate deadpanned in a manner that's a little frightening.

For this just under a week while she's been here, I've seen her hurt, I've seen her angry, I've seen her at a point of near insanity, and always seen her care beneath it in the end, but somehow, now I can feel her shifting to an entirely different disposition towards me. It's like, despite everything she said, she's giving up on me.. Is that a sign that my random suspicions were right after all?

"I just.. You've missed out on a lot of things, been stuck with someone like me. So, now you're free to start a family, a real one, not a make do like ours," I want a confirmation, but it's too hard lay it out straight. I guess I have to just keep handing out hints..

"What? Who? What?"

..Which evidently isn't working.

"What what? I thought you always aspired to be a mother, it's all supporting it, the evidence," I try to feign a smile, and after a brief while, I do feel my lips curving on their own at the thought. She will definitely make a lovely mother, just as she has always wanted. I know she has, even if she has never really said it in words, it's right there between the lines, especially if it's true what she says about the change in her position at work. She's preparing to settle down with kids, with a family, without a doubt.

"I'm.. not denying that I want to help as many troubled children as possible within my powers. However, I'm perfectly happy with just having Vivio in my life, and taking care of Caro and Erio. For me, it's not a make-do, but a hundred percent real family," The bewildered whirl of emotion fades slowly from her gaze, and even as her voice remains determinate, her attitude falls back closer to a dull indifference. It's probably safe to interpret it as having took my words the wrong way. And if that's so, I need to correct it.

"I.. didn't mean it that way, of course it is.. I'm just saying, that.. I.. I'm not going to stand in the way of your happiness, if that's what you want. It wouldn't be fair."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, and I'm not sure I even wanna know."

"..I'm just finally starting to figure out the reason why you barely touched me.." Ugh, if she wants to keep on hiding it, I don't believe just coming up and asking it directly would be the best choice. "..but it's not like you can help it, hm? It's not a choice you can just make, and I'm not exactly in the position to be judging you.." No matter how much the truth hurts, I need to hear it. If it's painful, then it's merely what I deserve. I know I've hurt her, but I still wish she could trust me enough to come clean.

"..You do realize you're not making any sense, right? It's getting harder and harder to understand just what on Earth is going on inside your head," She frowns leaning on the palms of her hands, and shakes her head a few times sideways, before picking up her gaze again to meet mine. "It was not me, who became less and less intimate on our relationship. It was _you_ who kept drifting further and further away. Don't try to put it on me _now_. That won't save you from the guilt you're feeling and you know it. You're contradicting everything you've wrote."

"So, you've read it?" That's...good news. It means we're finally having a solid foundation for reaching a mutual understanding, and maybe find a solution to, if not all then at least most of the lingering problems between us. That way, no one has to fight, and we can move on, wherever that leads.

"..A bit, here and there... and last night I began reading from the beginning, *sigh* but I only got past the first week and a half.. Sorry, but it's just kind of too heavy to read at once."

"I thought it was just random stuff," I flinch at the words I hear coming from my mouth. I want to bury my head in sand and live the rest of my life like an ostrich.

"Look, I'm really sorry about that, it... I have no excuses."

"It's okay, you don't have to lie to make it alright, you can be honest with me now, about every-"

"You know what? I'm really glad that Vivio came to stay with us. And not just for me. She doesn't need to see her mama act like this. You're falling wide apart.." The first sign of real emotion I see from her during our whole conversation is a tear crawling up, and gliding down from the corner of her eye. "..It's sad I kind of saw this coming. This is not going to end well, Nano-"

"Don't start badmouthing Hayate, just 'cause you can't stand the fact that she's all _you_ should've been," I cut in with another issue I have been having, for a few days longer than the one I threw out in the open at first. This time I don't hold back. I feel the restraints coming undone with the blood boiling inside, even more as she opens her mouth again.

"You mean, what you wanted me to be? I do so hope you are not comparing us, or worse ranking us, inside your mind. We are not the same person, we aren't even remotely similar. And if you don't start realizing it... I actually feel sorry for her, despite everything."

"So, now we're back to pointing out faults, huh.. Well, I guess old habits just die too hard, after all," Hearing my own voice I flinch, again. No matter how mad I felt, the chilling air leaving me is all too cold, too cold to come out from me, and it's frightening to realize it still does come from me.

I don't feel myself at all, and taking another look at the situation, it hits me, I can finally see for myself how little any of this makes sense. I.. didn't come here to be mean, to fight, to cause more pain. I.. never wanted to hurt her. She's done nothing to deserve this, but before I can apologize I hear her speaking instead.

"This is something I wanted you two to figure out by yourselves, and I really don't understand why I am going my way out here to lend you a hand with this, but what I meant is, you two are just way too similar in the worst kind of ways for it to work out, unless you're willing to change. And from now on, please, don't come to me if you can't keep a cool head. It hurts *gulp* it hurts enough to see you as it is, but this, this is just way too much. I'm sorry, I can't stay here, I'm sorry.."

Apologizing, Fate springs up and bolts out the park with her tears flowing free. I hear something dripping on my lap, and lift a hand on my cheek to feel a small stream running down on it. I look at the reflection portrayed on the surface of the vending machine. It's a mess. A complete mess. I don't even care how it looks, half my face could be smeared in smudged mascara for all I care, or how everyone's attention is on me, take a good look at the fool, feel free to point and laugh. I already feel sick to my stomach with the person I see, so if you can turn it around into a joke and have fun, it's better than good..

..Just when and why did I become someone like this? Maybe, it would be better to take on Hayate's offer after all. Maybe having less to myself would be a good change..

..And before I even realize, I find myself risen up and rushing after the blonde left in tears, hoping I'm not too late. Too late for what? Offer some halfhearted comfort? Apologize as if it made a difference when I still wouldn't feel different myself? To.. magically make up, and start over? Start from where exactly? Drop which, the ex-, or the ex-girl- part? For what? To have to go through this all over again at a later day? Or to just suffocate slowly..? Just what am I doing, or hoping to achieve here?

Seeing no signs of Fate anywhere in the immediate vicinity, I sigh letting my arms fall, and sit down to the nearest bench I can find clueless on what to do. It would be pointless to start running around aimlessly.

" _I can call, My Master._ "

"Thank you, Raising Heart. For the thought, but I don't believe calling Fate-chan would be a good idea.."

" _Alright, My Master._ "

I smile at the glowing device floating around me. I can't have her start worrying about me too. Everyone else is already at it as it is. I just need to clear my head is all. That I definitely need to do, before I can cause any more trouble.

"Nanoha-san?"

Lazily, I turn my head left to acknowledge the woman approaching her long dark byzantium shade of violet hair tied back with a blue ribbon. The spring green dress accented with malachite and emerald laced frills feels a bit too light for the cooling evening, but I guess it had been warmer during the day, or was it? I honestly can't remember. At least she doesn't look like she's shivering, but smiling warmly instead. It's almost catching. However, the one rising on me, is still obviously a fake one.

"Oh, Ginga.. How you've been? It's a while we've seen."

"Umm.. Nothing new and exciting, although in my profession, it's only a good thing, and I get to have more time watching over my cute sisters, which is a nice little extra."

"Yeah, that I can believe, oh it reminds me. Give Nove my thanks for always looking after Vivio. It feels she's really found her calling doing Strike Arts."

"*chuckle* Will do, so how you've been, Nanoha-san?" Ginga lets out a faint laugh at the compliment her sister received, before shifting her attention on me, my circumstances.. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like you've seen better days." ..and my state, and affairs, which are all more than exhausting topics, especially with a friend who honestly cares. This is why I had avoided people for nearly two months. I'm utterly hopeless as a liar, I can make a mere formality in a casual conversation turn into a world of awkward as things stand with me at the moment, which in turn means I'd prefer to stay silent about all things regarding me when it's not all good. Not that I'd enjoy conversing about myself anyhow.

"Hmm... Maybe it's 'cause I have.." Like, for example days when I haven't gone shifting the blame on my ex-girlfriend just to divert my attention away from my own problems while having her advice me on my new relationship when she's still trying to come to terms with the end of ours, and then finally ending up running after her when she sprints away in tears. Yup, there definitely have been better days. Not that I'd just blurt it out of the blue all of a sudden in public on an extremely busy street. "..Oh, sorry, that sounded worse than I meant it. Really, no need to start worrying. It's just the kind of day when I keep spurting it all out the wrong way. Nothing more to it than sucking at small talk, but it does get tiring after a while."

"Well, if it's any comfort, I don't believe you have ever been that good at it anyway. *chuckle* Not that I'd find it a fault, it's just different, and it's not a bad thing to know there's always a meaning and honest feelings behind your words, it makes them more special. Something you've always had in common with Fate-san."

"So that's it then, huh..? That's why's it sometimes so hard to come out and say things, even if I wanted? So that I'd be sure that I do, in fact, mean it all with my whole heart. Could it really be that simple?"

"Um.. I'm not sure I'm following, but uh... Nanoha-san? Is it all right if I asked you something?" The green eyes blink in confusion a few times before assuming a more inquiring look upon them.

"Yeah.." I reply lazily, hoping I guessed the following topic wrong, afraid I didn't. "..So, shoot. What do you wanna know?"

"Is it.. um.. Are you, uh.. Is it over? Oh.. Um.. I mean.." She falters unsure on how to form her question. It's all I need to know exactly what she meant.

"Yes, we have broken up. And for the time being, Fate-chan is living with Lindy-san, and Vivio's staying with her, at least for the next week.." I am fully aware my tone sounds rougher than what she's used to hear from me, but I can't help myself, as this is the very given matter I have less than zero interest in discussing in public, or anywhere, with anyone. I really want to put an end to it, to all of it. "..And I'm currently dating Hayate-chan, or at least it's something similar. So yes, it is seriously over, not just a little lovers' quarrel."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"It's alright. I know you didn't mean any harm. I'm just sick and tired of hearing the same question all over again.. I'm sorry, it's not really your fault still, I shouldn't take it out on you."

"No no no, not at all. I do- Well, I can't claim to actually know how you feel, but I can understand how it could be vexing having to repeat something like.. Wait! You.. with Hayate-san?" As Ginga yells out in surprise I notice that I may have said something hasty.

"Hmm.. Actually, that part is something I'm still trying to figure out. I kind of just blurted it out without thinking in the heat of the moment."

"If.. If I may say.. I hope I'm not just sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong, but.. If you really want, seriously want it, there shouldn't be that much to figure out. Well, I can't speak on Hayate-san's behalf, of course, but it's hard to believe she would lead you on in something like this halfheartedly, so.. In other words, it comes down to your own feelings."

A faint sigh escapes my lungs as I nod trying to appreciate the advice as the friendly gesture it was meant as. Still, it's nothing new, if I stop to think about it. As much as I do feel grateful for the effort, it's not that helpful, and I smile weakly, hoping to convey my thoughts in a less offensive manner this time.

"Oh, that's it then.. That's what's worrying you.. Um.. I know you weren't asking it and given my... limited experience I don't how good it is but uh, anyway, if you want my advice, you might want to think about if you're trying to move too fast from a relationship to another. As in, it takes it's time to leave things behind, even if it was for the best or something you wanted. It's harder to move on than it is to make yourself believe you are.. Or that's how I see it.. I'm sorry if I was out of line."

Another general line without deeper insight to it. Still, it is something that had completely escaped my thoughts before. Something I should've known, or thought about, but didn't. For the first time, I actually feel I had a meaningful conversation about anything related to recent events in my life.

"No, not at all. It's common sense really, but I guess I needed to hear it nonetheless. I've always relied on Fate-chan, or Yuuno-kun, or Hayate-chan while I've just went on with my life without actually dealing with all the emotional baggage piling up. You would think you'd grow up more mature having left home after graduating middle-school to make a career in a military, instead of becoming so spoiled you start to take certain things for granted, when in fact you should feel grateful for all of it," I need to grow up. I do, if I don't want to keep repeating this cycle. Even if I managed to crawl out, I know I will fall back right into it, if not now, then some other day, if I don't start properly processing things.

"I don't think it's about being spoiled or not.. It's just that different people deal with things in a different way."

"Thanks for putting it in a kinder way, but for me it's still the same. I know now what I need to do.. and it's not complaining to my cute junior about my failures. *Chuckle* I believe I know why Fate-chan thinks a world of you, I mean I had for a long held you in high regard as well, but I'm happy to see how just much you've matured outside the battlefield as well."

"Um.. Thanks.. And I believe I know why Fate-san was always so jealous about you.." Ginga says something I'm not entirely sure I heard right, but as I throw an inquiring glance she only shakes her head faintly. "..Oh, it's nothing, I'm just talking to myself, really."

Leaving the mysterious words linger in the air, we bid each other goodbye as I head back home to wait for Hayate.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

* * *

Astonishingly, I felt less stressed and the time flew by faster than I could have imagined. I went through the weak points of my current class, revised their basic training regime, and came with a more efficient schedule balancing the familiar parts still requiring more fine tuning with all the new exercises we'll have them start next week. The stamina and endurance we've been building up will be put to a serious test then, but I feel they're up for it. Enough to get used to a harsher intensity and level of training before it wears them out.

While I can't be satisfied it took this long to formulate it, it's not too late for their ranking tests or holding back their progression too much. So, in a way I should be relieved I managed to do my job properly in time.. It's just that it makes me feel like I'm losing my touch as an instructor as well. My everything's been set back or held up, and it's starting to get to me the more I have to face it. I only hope I can survive under the weight I keep putting myself in, at least half-intact if I can't make it out head held high. I can't keep letting everyone down.

Hearing sounds behind the front door, I pull down the hovering screen. Hayate must have arrived. And it appears she has some trouble deciding whether she should ring a doorbell or to simply come in with the key I've given her. I wish she didn't feel the need to be considerate here, it makes me feel the distance between us. A gap I hoped to bridge. She had no qualms in entering while I lied around idly, sulking, but now, she's acting as if she was an outsider only paying a visit here. I wonder if she doesn't feel as if she belonged beside me...

It's strange, how all the time spent waiting felt less stressing than the moment she stepped in, and how I still wouldn't have it any other way. And while I am feeling nervous and probably even sweating, there's anticipation, a fire lit inside, that I haven't felt in what must be eternity, if ever..

Muddled with the dazed confusion, I rise up and step closer to greet her before she has the chance to take off her shoes.

"Took you long enough."

"..Um-uh.. Sorry..? I tried to be as fast as I coul-"

"It's not about that. You left work.." I take a look at the time just to increase the effect. "..a few hours earlier than I had prepared to wait for. I told you I'm used to it. What bugged me was the hold up at the door. I'll say this only one time, so hear me, please do not feel the need to hesitate coming in, especially if I have invited you. It makes us feel more distant from one another. I don't like it, the distance.."

I can feel the heat creeping up on me, burning my cheeks, and whole body, more and more. I gulp, and shake, and feel my stomach all fluttery, I'm relaxed and tensed at the same. She just makes me feel happily insane, but what drives further overboard are all the things I need to say that I know I lack the courage to let out, not in words. This was a huge step, and I so do wish she will take a one towards me just the same. Fate's words echo too deep inside my head to calm down otherwise.

"I have to keep in mind you don't like polite," Hayate smiles playfully, in her usual manner. I've already realized it's her way of hiding flustering embarrassment. The way she's still shy of her feelings is cute. Cute, and frustrating. "But yeah, I.. I'm not too keen on feeling apart either. It's uh.. Just how I said. It, this, just can't happen or won't work 'till we all come clean with everything. It ain't just about Fate-chan no more, even we, we both have a whole mountain of things in desperate need of clarification between us. Issues that ain't gonna solve themselves without words."

"I know.. That's.. That wasn't why I wanted you here, I admit. I had some.. other kind of motives, but I had a thought, or a few half a thoughts, while waiting for you. And you're right, again, we do need to talk, well I do.." My left hand instinctively brushes along her right, crawling up and down, asking to come closer, pleading for permission. I need to feel, and standing this close, the anxious passion is killing me, but I'm not convinced I can do that much talking if I don't keep my urges in check. "..I just don't know how.."

" _Would this make it easier?_ " She asks with a telepathic link. I let out a small giggle at the gesture.

" _Dunno, but I doubt. I still have to make an effort to convert my thoughts into words. Thanks, though, for trying to help._ "

"Not really helping still, and you could say I'm only helping myself to figure out what's troubling you," Hayate smiles wryly while taking hold of the hand petting her arm.

"Hmm.. On that thought, can I make a request?"

"Whatever ya need.. more or less within a reason, if you'd be so dear."

I can't help but giggle at her words. They remind me of the evening a week ago. It's already a week since? Or just a week? I feel it's forever, while it all happened just the other day. Weird, huh..

"I try, no promises though.." I smile at the woman beside me, take a deep breath, and assuming a determinate posture, I proceed. "..Let's be selfish."

The blue eyes widen at the request, and simply stare me stunned, without even so much as blinking. Her hand slips falling off mine, and I hurry to grab hold of it again as I try to explain what I meant with the what sounded an uncharacteristic proposal.

"..I am aware how foreign thought it feels like, believe me I do. However, we can't keep making sacrifices or hold things back, not when it hurts. I need, you need, we need to learn to honestly pursue and demand what we want, require, and are entitled to. Even if it's unreasonable, we need to let it out. And on that subject, I want, you...to prioritize me over anything else."

"I see.." She chuckles at a thought that rose her, I think.. And her gaze falls back to warm, gentle, and loving. "Sorry I took it the wrong way at first, but ya gotta admit saying it like that gives out a helluva shock effect."

"I had to make sure you were paying attention, to my words, and not my boobs," I act appalled in obviously fake manner, and seeing her tension ease up, I feel it a good choice.

"Ya see here, hun. My attention's always all on the whole of you, it can't be divided. And it's your fault for being such a sexy fox."

"You're.. not gonna get away from answering me with sexual harassment, even if I liked it," Mimicking her usual mannerisms, I throw a flirtatious wink at the end, which..

"You're on to some weird stuff then.."

..gets a dull empty stare as an immediate response, followed by light chuckle right after.

"..Anyhow, yeah, I can do that. I'd love to say I'll give you my all, but that wouldn't be nothing but an empty lie. However, you're already on the highest pedestal, so there ain't nothing more to it than just saying it in words. I can.. I promise, I will place you first, before any and all things else. Although, I'd appreciate it if you didn't ask me to stop working. My pension's still far from enough to live out the rest of my days comfortably if I wanna grow old. And I kinda do. Our house took a quite a chunk from my savings, ya see."

"It's not a house, it's a mansion.. Or a small district, given everything built around there. Actually, I've been meaning to ask about it. While I do know that there are many of you all in need of your own personal space, but uh.." Focusing on the mere side note I see Hayate frowning at the topic at hand. Well, that is something I had been curious, and I really want to keep the air from falling too heavy. So, sorry, you just have to bear with it for this instance.

"What? it's no crime to have a bit of luxury if you can afford it," Her mock smug grin is tarnished with the apparent embarrassment. "But yeah, I just kinda got excited and *ahem* yeah.. I don't even know everything residing at my own home property.."

"Hmm.. Then, should we explore it? Find out the secrets hidden in the Yagami-mansion? Ooh~ What if there's a ghost?"

"I doubt it...or on a second thought.. Nah, it's probably just Rein sleepwalking...So, I take it to mean you set on coming to stay over then?"

"It's probably for the best. All things considered.. And now.. How about I fix us something to eat? You haven't had dinner yet, right?" My thoughts come confirmed when I receive a nod with a face marred by a small frown for my inquiry. She must be really hungry if it makes her gives that kind of expression. However, as I turn to head in to kitchen, I'm stopped by a soft embrace.

"Oh, gee.. I'm the dessert and not the main course."

"Oh, sorry, my bad.." A half forced laughter and a weak voice are all I get for my playful words. "..Say, Nanoha.. Would it be alright if we.. If we just cuddled, tonight? Um.. and not, y'know.."

I fall silent, going over her request in my mind. And as we stay still, she continues.

"It's not that I didn't like it, or wouldn't want you.. Ya wouldn't even believe.. It's.. there's something I wanna make sure."

"Well.. I did say we need to be selfish. In our own way, we need to change, and so yeah, if that's what you want, then yes, we can just cuddle. You don't have to and I don't want you to do anything you don't want to," I keep going over and over the words from both of the earlier conversations I've had since I left work today.

"Oh.. Ya talked with Fate-chan?"

Hearing the sudden question slash statement, I'm a bit taken aback. How did she know, from only what I just said? And.. was it a bad thing? Being released from her embrace, I shake my head in confusion, and see the blue eyes having moved from behind to right in front as she circled around me. As our eyes meet, I feel both my hands taken in hers.

"I need this.. I do.. My heart needs it. I love you, Nanoha, I love you, I do.." Her voice trembles, but her words come out clear, and the gaze diving inside me is nothing but sincere. I.. This.. I feel dizzy. And as I try to open my mouth, she cuts in before I can say anything. "..Which is why I have to make sure you're happy and not only running away from pain. I want to feel, and be loved, and not a replacement."

I stare at her agape, and she lowers her eyes letting my hands fall, before leaning against me.

"I'm not.. I am not accusing you, of anything, ya could say I'm just being insecure, but this means a world to me, and this is all new to me just the same. I'm scared, Nanoha."

I lift her chin, and look right in her eyes.

"It's alright, to be scared, I'm terrified too, about many things, but mostly, I'm scared of making another chain of mistakes. The last I want, is to hurt anyone, even if it isn't all that convincing with all I've said and done.." I can barely end my sentence as my face keeps drawing closer, and closer, and without realizing I find my lips pressed on hers. The soft, gentle caress with the sweet aftertaste drowning my senses. Before I let myself sink in to the tempting sensation, I pull slightly apart. "Can we include this in cuddling?"

"Ah.. It can't be helped. Aight, we can."

"Good."

Without any other words, I push my lips on hers again, hoping that I won't only make it harder for myself to settle on just being close, cuddling. As much as I need to feel her, I need her to feel me, the whole of me, sincerely. For that, the mess I've let myself turn into, needs to be cleaned up.

With a one last kiss for the while, I draw away, let Hayate step inside properly, and head to prepare us a light but delicious and nutritious dinner. I know it's too early to even think about impressing anyone with my cooking, but I feel like I want to try.

The last glimpse on the woman settling sitting down behind me gives me hope that I one day I can unravel the shredded threads entangled inside my heart. And say, with all honesty, how I truly feel.

* * *

 _/AN : So, I hope this didn't go too OOC. Even as the state of confusion, and the change she's going through on in her inner turmoil, allows it, I do not try or wish rewrite Nanoha's character. Please let me know if I went wrong with it, and how and where if I did.  
_

 _Hopefully, the final time on Hayate's speech : If it's still distracting, disturbing, or outright insufferable, please do lay it out straight to me. I am now less stubborn about keeping it than in the beginning and if I still can't get it to work, I might consider changing accented writing to an implied accent altogether._

 _Now, on the favor asked : It is intriguing, and coincidentally I have once worked on something similar enough to have a gist on how to go about it. However, at the given moment, I want to dedicate most of the limited writing time I have on my small claws on this story and 'Strike Love', and there's a mountain of stuff I have either promised to work on or to look at, so it might take a while before I can get around to it. But if you don't mind the wait, then yeah, it's doable. And just to be sure : Is the killing part necessary? and does there have to be an action scene at the start? (if you have an account please answer via PM, thank you very much.)_

 _Now with a lot of rambling done, I cease inflating the word count with a familiar plead; Any mistakes you find, thoughts arising from this, or any other words you wish to convey, please do not feel the need to hesitate in sharing it in a review._

*Innocent Raccoon bows humbly, and starts to sweet-talk to the keyboard in hopes to get help birthing new chapters faster*


	6. Enveloped

_[Word count before notes and a final proofread = 7388 / there's a lot of xtra, sorry..]_

 _/AN : Thanks for y'all reading, following, favoring, and reviewing this, it has been nothing but a pleasure. With this comes the final chapter...of this arc. Which makes it about one third through the current (planned) story layout.  
_

 _Teehee! Sorry for the scare, just had to do it! Even if it most likely didn't even work...Also, the humblest of apologies for the messy previous chapter. For that, I really have no excuses. No matter how unnecessarily busy I made myself to be, for all the proofreading I've done in my life, it's embarrassing to think I'd release the first raw draft I could scramble up without even thinking there could be any problem with it. That was wrong, and I do better from now on, even if it meant taking more time.  
_

 _In any case, to respond to the respected guests on this humble fic : Sorry to give you the wrong impression at first, but as Strike Love comes secondary, it will be updated when I have the time (scheduled to have 2-4 week intervals), while I try to keep this as a weekly or at least every other week.. Glad you like both though._

 _And for the requesting one : Have no fears, I'm not trying to brush you aside with a vague 'could get around to it someday kinda promise', merely warning not to hold your breath while waiting, as I honestly can't guarantee when I can get it done without it obstructing writing this or Strike Love. All I can say is that, given how people are people, I may have more time to write fanfics than I thought, so it could be possible to write it sometime along April._

 _Also, if you want bgm, I, for some reason ended up listening to Poets of the Fall while writing this, and Maybe Tomorrow Will Be a Better Day, and Heal My Wounds especially striking an inspiration on me for this chapter, so they could fit for you too, while reading this I mean.._

 _Anyhow, sorry for the long ramble, and please do enjoy the last part of the second arc from Fate's POV to any and all of it's possible extents.  
_

 _Disclaimer : I possess no rights whatsoever on any part of the MSLN-multimedia franchise, I wouldn't mind if I did though._

* * *

Love Left Unspoken

* * *

I place the notebook back on the table, and sighing, I throw my head back. It only keeps more and more difficult to read the further I get. Sometimes I want to throw it away, burn it, or whatever. And still, I find myself peeking in. I know this isn't her way to torture me, but it certainly feels like it. The cursed diary of despair, this could be categorized as a dangerous weapon. Even if it is recent, I can't help but compare and see it as lost logia.

However, I am starting to understand the reason why Nanoha wanted me to read this. As incoherent it gets occasionally, it tells me a lot more than she herself had, about the way she sees the world around her. Especially during the time I am away. Or had been away. She really felt lonely. Much more than I thought, and I can't help but blame myself for not seeing it, realizing it, or even having thought that deeply about it.

I...it doesn't really work as an excuse, but I always assumed that she would be fine with everyone around her. The thought that even surrounded by so many who cares about her she could still feel left alone. Just like I used to feel at a younger age. It was her love and care that saved me from myself, and made me open my heart to mom as well.

*laugh*

"Fate? Are you.. okay?" Arf comes in closer her bright light blue eyes stained with worry as I laugh to, and by myself suddenly. I shake my head at her, and rise up from the chair going to pour myself another cup of coffee. "Lindy-san.. Fate is.. Fate is losing it.."

"It's alright, it's not too late to take her to a hospital just yet."

I frown hearing mom giggle at her own joke. While the relaxed atmosphere is nice and soothing, I'm not ready to laugh this off just yet. I only had a brief moment of amusing realization during an inner self inspection.

"Mom, Arf.. That's not funny. What if I really was mentally ill? Actually I might just be, given how I'm still hoping I can make things work between me and Nanoha.." My intent to cut in casually turned into a meager complaint along the way, and I can only frown again, seeing the look on Arf's face growing only more worried with each word I let out.

"Oh, dear. That's love, and not insanity. Although, it is true that at times they don't seem that different," Mom steps in closer, smiling her soft and loving motherly smile, and hugs me gently for a while, before releasing me, allowing me to go sit back down. "However, a delusion is at best a moment's relief, while love can last forever, in both good and bad. Sugar?"

Taking a small sip, I wave away mom's offer to add some sugar. It's funny how she still believes everyone loves their drinks as sweet as she does. Although, I'm beginning to suspect she's actually fully aware how the amount she uses is far from normal, but is only feigning ignorance. I wouldn't put it past her. I guess it's her way of adding a unique touch on things, a habit turned running joke turned habit again, and thinking about it, it wouldn't be the same without the extra sugar cubes after all.

Smiling at the feel of nostalgia, I receive a knowing smile in response. Yes, she must be aware of it. And on that thought, now that my head is starting to come clear again, I become aware on a random detail : the three of us all more or less match in color, with mom in her cream white blouse and regular fit blue jeans, while Arf's wearing a white spaghetti top and denim mini shorts. Now if I wasn't still wearing the shorts from my morning jog, we could match in fabric too. Quite a coincidence, especially as the orange haired familiar beside me is the only one dressed as usual.

"Hmm.. Right now, I'd prefer the moment's relief.." I'd much rather lose my mind than my heart, if I had to choose, and honestly, at the moment it really does feel like I have to.

"Crushing hard on a passionate fling is a more recommendable escape, though.." Mom smiles at me while turning away to, probably fetch something related to the topic at hand.

Awaiting her return I take another sip, and try to hold in the sigh coming up, again, breathing out slowly instead. I want to lessen the concern on the light blue eyes watching over, not increase it. Arf's been worried sick ever since I told I was going to move in, at least temporarily, and had tried her best to offer her comfort, and sooth, and allay the pain inside. It breaks my heart knowing fully well it isn't her fault that I'm this down, and still seeing her berating herself for not being helpful enough.

"..and this is by far the juiciest of them all."

With mom's return, a copy of an erotic literature from Earth, judging by the cover and the text, appears in front of me, raising an instinctive blush on my cheeks. As close as we have become along the years, these kind of things are just too taboo for me to talk about openly, with her all the more. Somehow, I still feel like a little kid around her, and this is definitely not a suitable book for children. Furthermore, the contents seem a bit too kinky, even if I were more open to this kind of stuff.

"Um.. Mom.. Thanks but, I don't feel this is exactly my cup of tea.."

"Giving yourself into a fantasy is all the more better escape when it does not match the reality you live in. Did you per chance thought that I spent my days longing for these kind of endeavors come true, right here in this life?" Mom giggles again at her own words, and I can't help but get even more flustered with the mental image she brought on me.

"Um.. No.. Still.."

"Oh, dear, that was a suggestion, a one way to cope with the burden. If it doesn't suit you, you'll have to find a method that does. And don't be in such a hurry, I don't mind my dear child crying in my arms whenever should she feel like it, no matter how much I'd find a cute smile to be a more fitting expression on you," Another loving smile caresses my wounded heart. I don't know how I would have survived without her..

..or the kind young woman who's stood by my side ever since Rynith saved her dying soul and made her my familiar.

Finishing the warm drink, I rise up to put the emptied cup in the sink, and offer a smile of my own to the two women worrying and comforting each on their own way. And as I step to leave the room, I give a quick pat rustling the orange hair, startling Arf a bit as I do, causing an embarrassed but happy blush to rise on her cheeks.

"Thank you, both, for everything. But I still can't keep on sulking forever, even if you didn't mind, I need to get my act together for Vivio's sake. At least one of her mamas need to have a clear head," I feel the whirl of emotions clouding my judgment, and slip out something not meant to be voiced out loud. While it is true, I don't want to start talking bad about Nanoha behind her back. However, now that I opened my mouth, it's just so hard to close it. Even more with the curious stares inquiring the meaning behind my words.

"She.." I feel my eyes moisten, and hear my voice dry out with the heavy lump in throat blocking it. ..She accused me.. Well, not directly.. But she seemed to seriously believe there could be something between me and Yuuno.. That I didn't want her because I was.. "..Nanoha's not like herself. Not when I saw her yesterday."

"Oh, Fate.." Arf come closer, unsure if she should hug me, or offer some words. I decide it for her and embrace her briefly, giving a light rub on her back.

"It's okay.. I just don't know if it's alright to hope. To take it as some jealous spur, a sign she's not as over us as I thought she was. To believe there might still be a chance for us to get back together," It would be too sad to think she's just cracking down.

"Having hope is never a bad thing. However, believing - or rather - relying on it, is a different matter altogether. You need to ask about it from Nanoha directly, only she give you the answer for that. Mulling it over by yourself will lead you nowhere. You need to talk with her. And.. I could lend you a hand in it if you want. In case a trip to Earth don't seem a viable option, I could call the Takamachis here, so we could all sit down and talk things through," Mom draws in closer too, speaking with a firm but warm tone, before taking both of us in a group hug. "Think about it as an alternative, in case it won't work otherwise."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks mom. I still need to read this cursed tome before Nanoha will agree to even try to talk things through.."

"Hmm.. Would it help if you thought it as a possibility, instead of a necessity? I would've loved to get a chance to dive inside Clyde's head when we were younger. I know you're curious about it. Just remember not to take it personally, it is about her, not you."

I feel a pat on my back and then on my shoulder as mom grabs a hold on me, gazing in my eyes with a stern expression.

"It may not feel like it now, but there's nothing you can't survive. It isn't always how we planned it, but one way or another, things will still end up alright. That my dear child, you can believe in."

I can't help but smile at the care shown and given to me, and I feel a tear coming down. I have cried so much, for so many feelings, I've shed more tears this past week than the whole past year. It feels weird, but somehow, I start to believe in mom's words. Even if it's a change, it might not always be for the worst. I'm still not giving up hope, but maybe.. I could be ready to face the truth, whatever it is.

I grab the notebook from the table, give a quick hug as a parting to the two women in the dining room, and head on to a room meant for me that hadn't had much use until now. Funny how I always told her I didn't need a one here, this close to home, but now I'm so happy she insisted reserving it for me. Although, it's not that special as Chrono's room is also still there left waiting, untouched.

Shaking my head with a light giggle for all the memories along the years, I feel the love of my family giving me strength to face whatever truths lie on Nanoha's diary.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 6 : Enveloped

* * *

Despite my fervent determination, I falter, stepping away from the notebook as soon as I opened it. The first words of the following day where I left off the last night gave me a nervous scare, and I need to calm myself to be sure that I'd actually comprehend its contents. First, I need a brief distraction.

I pull up the screen and open my mailbox, seeing a few new messages. Among them is a one I sort of expected, but wasn't really waiting for. It's nice to feel cared, but I can totally relate to Nanoha writing about how exhausting it can be at the same.

I open the one Yuuno sent first, even if I feel unsure about wanting to read it, in case it's about what I think, it's going to bother me if I don't.

 _Good morning!_

 _Or early day to be precise, how are you holding up?_

 _I just arrived at the excavation on non-management world #34_

 _As much I would love to gloat for the splendid view surrounding me..._

 _Well at least it's unique._

 _Here, I attached a photo, just so you know what you're (not) missing :)_

 _Have you given any thought to what we talked about yesterday?_

 _I know Vivio would love it, and I feel it would be good for you too to spend_

 _some time further away. However, it is your decision, and if you don't feel like_

 _you're up for a trip, I understand._

 _Let me know once you've reached a conclusion, whatever it may be._

Beneath the partings and his signature, there's a picture of a dusty ruin in a desert. For a while I fail to see the uniqueness of it, until I spot the Belkan letters on a half crumbled pillar. So, either some vandals have found it before the excavation group, or it's a desolated ancient fast food diner. Intriguing, and at the closer look, some of the equipment on the background do seem magitronic.

How should I answer, or rather turn him down? I dodged it vaguely last night, but if I keep responding in a roundabout way, he's either going to come more obstinate, or feel insulted. And neither outcome don't feel that appealing.

Maybe I'm only overthinking things way too influenced by Nanoha's words.. No, it would be fine if it was just that, but truth be told, the thought had crossed my mind before.

That I could try it out with Yuuno. But it would only make a lousy escape, a petty revenge, and I would lose more than I could gain. I just can't see him in a romantic light. However, I am not that convinced he doesn't feel that way about me, not anymore. He's...changed somehow, in the manner he treats me, addresses me, it's not clear, but there's a subtle nuance in his gestures and tone that comes off flirtatious.

He's not the comedian of the year, but there are vague similarities between his recent exchanges and Hayate's interactions with Nanoha. Given how that turned out in the end, it wouldn't be too far out to consider the possibility that Yuuno might entertain thoughts beyond friendship. I need to let him know it's never going to happen before he gets his hopes up.

I'll just respond that I don't feel it's a good idea. That'll have to do for the now. Should anything more concrete come up, I'll deal with it then and there.

Um.. So.. What else..? Oh, Teana's bragging about her date, in a cutely vague manner. It's amazing how Subaru's not feeling a teeniest bit frustrated with how her girlfriend's still even after all these years trying to hide their romance while she herself is completely unabashed. Hmm.. I guess what they have, between the two of them, is just that much more important.

I send a smiley face accompanying the words teasing her about her dream date, and playfully inquire if the rest of the night was as, or ever better yet more, enjoyable than the appetizers. As I giggle imagining her reaction to my message, I hear voices from the vestibule, following to the living room, and the hallway leading here. A visitor? Someone coming to see me?

Listening closer, I recognize the familiar voice, and pull down the screen. I'll answer Signum and Shario later, it's nothing urgent anyway, probably, at least judging from the subject.

I take a good look in the mirror, trying to push down the frizzy threads and make myself a little more presentable. I doubt she cared even if I had a bad bed hair, but I do. I don't feel it appropriate. A surprise guest she may be, but it doesn't make it anymore impolite.

*knock knock*

"Yeah, come in."

"Hello.. Sorry for the sudden intrusion. I, just came to see how you're holding up. And um, you look good, um, healthy at least.."

"It's all thanks to the gourmet breakfast mom made during my morning jog. Something you definitely need to try, not that you needed one, you look good, and healthy, as it is," I smile to the young woman dressed in a sky blue t-shirt with ultramarine wings printed on the shoulders and a white mid-length light skirt. I'm astonished by the fact that the house is now occupied with four women clad in blue and white by a sheer coincidence. Sinking deeper on it, the thought curves my lips even more, and my smile turns to an open wide grin while I step closer to hug the woman visiting me.

"It's so good to see you Ginga. I'm sorry I haven't had the time to come see you, I've been.. preoccupied, kind of. Anyway, how are you doing?"

"Yes, I've heard some things.. I'm sorry," With sad sigh she offers her sympathy. I try to keep the smile on my face, but I can feel it turn to a frown with my strength waning from the awakening pain her words bring back alive.

"Thanks.. But.. If it's not too much to ask, let's talk about something else," I release her from the embrace that was initially meant to be only a quick hug, and turn my eyes down, take a deep breath to collect myself again, before I raise my gaze back on her.

"Um.. Yeah, sure. Whatever you want, just.. I just wanted to say that I'm here for you."

"Thank you."

"So.. Have you heard about the Circus coming to Midchilda some time next week? Or was it carnival.." Ginga's expression shifts from exited to a deeply pondering along the way as she falls uncertain if she had remembered correctly. Unfortunately, she hadn't, but as I already had heard about it, and thus knew what she meant, I'm able to follow and correct her on the go.,

"The Traveling Carnival from Vaizen? Yeah, Yuuno told me about it.. I just didn't know it's coming to Midchilda.."

..However, I can't help but let the surprise show on my face as I realize a few things that strike me as odd about this.

"Oh yeah. Surprised me too, but thinking about it now, it does save the long trip to Park Road from people living in the North or West.."

"No, not about that.. Park Road is, as massive as it is, sometimes so overcrowded that I don't believe they have any troubles attracting enough visitors to make a trip here a commercial success. It's just that.. Um.. Yuuno invited us, me and Vivio, to travel to Lufen with him to visit the carnival, so it kinda gave me the idea they weren't coming here.."

With the green eyes staring me falling bewildered, silently demanding an explanation, I feel as if I had made a mistake just now, letting out the words I did.

Ginga draws a few steps closer, and I feel the tension rising between us. Her legs waver slightly with the light, soft, almost sneaking steps, as her entire body starts shaking. I can see it, even as she tries to hide it. I just fail to understand why. It's as if she was possessed with something crushing her from inside, while compelling her to face the fears she clearly wants to run away from.

I've seen it in criminals controlled by a leader more horrifying than the guilt they feel from their atrocities or whatever punishment is waiting at the hands of TSAB. But on a close friend, it comes as nothing but weird.

"Does Nanoha know about it?"

It's not accusatory, but her voice does come off as intense, and pressuring.

"As far as I know, no, she doesn't," It's best if I don't read too much to into it. It could be just a misunderstanding.

"Oh.. So it wasn't about that.. I.. I jumped to conclusions, I'm sorry," Her eyes fall lower, apologetic as her voice.

"Well, you aren't the first, but I do so hope you're the last. There's really nothing worth of juicy gossips going on, although, those usually don't exactly hold that much truth in to begin with.." I sigh, close my eyes, and it comes. The realization. "..Wait? What wasn't about what?"

"Oh, I.." Ginga closes her gasping mouth with her hand. It would appear I wasn't the only one saying something better left unsaid. "..I saw Nanoha yesterday. And with Yuuno-san inviting you and with how she was when I saw her, I kind of thought there could be a connection between the two.."

"When did you see her? As in what time?" I'm much more interested than I feel it to be healthy. Still, I can't help myself. Even the slightest news on Nanoha becomes a front page headline in my mind. It will take more than a few days to change that, if it ever can be.

"Um.. Somewhere around or past six..? I think.. I'm not entirely sure. I checked out five thirty eight, so it's some time after that."

So, it must be right after I left the park.. Now I'm even more curious. I feel itchy, I keep crossing, untangling and fiddling my fingers, it's all I can do to keep myself from biting my nails. This is not helping me, not at all, I should just forget I heard anything. This will only add more questions, instead of answering any, just as it only adds in the hurt, not easing it one bit. Still..

"So, how was she like? As in what about it made you feel it could have something to do with Yuuno inviting me and Vivio to a carnival, or anywhere?"

..I just can't help myself. Not even as I see the woman fidgeting troubled with the inquiry. I need to know, I have to know, it will haunt me if I don't. Although, I doubt my wild thoughts will leave alone even if I did. There's a high chance I'm only jumping out of a frying pan and into a fire, but it doesn't stop me. If there's one thing I'm certain of, it's that I will not sleep tonight if I'm riddled with all the ifs and could it bes that keep popping in my head. So it's a risk I'm more than willing to take, even if I can't bet on it.

"Hmm.. How should I say it..?" Ginga closes her eyes and frowns, seemingly unsure if she should say anything at all, and how to describe her encounter best if she did. "Nanoha-san, um.. seemed sad, and confused, or.. I can't really explain it in words.."

In other words, it sounds bad said out loud. Which tells me more than enough. Somehow, I'm relieved.. But it doesn't help me move on. A faint glint of what I'm sure is only a false hope springs alive with the thought of Nanoha feeling hurt for our fight. For a long time now, she's only seemed and felt distant and cold, whenever things had gone awry. And knowing it isn't like her to show signs of negative emotions for people looking up to her, I can only conclude that she was really affected by it.

And that – feeds my hopes more than I can take. However, even if I'm not only deluding myself with a sweet illusion, I need to finish reading her diary before she agrees to sit down and have a proper conversation.

"It's alright, you don't have to.. I was.. just curious. I happened to see her yesterday as well, you see. Right before you met actually, but I just kind of, well, no not kind of.. I ran off."

"Um.. Well, that does explain something...or quite a lot in fact. But uh, I.. just.. I'm curious about something too, if it's alright to ask?" Ginga seems extremely nervous again, with her entire body fidgeting and lowered gaze. I give her an assuring nod, responding that it's okay to ask. "Are you, going to take up on Yuuno-san's offer?"

"I don't know.. He had a valid point, I don't deny that.. However.." I close my eyes to think for a few seconds. To go through the thought carefully.

I can feel it's going to be a more important decision that it appears on the first glance. I know Vivio would love it, all the more as we could visit Rio's home world in the mean. It's just that I feel there's a catch somewhere, even if it weren't intentional, there's still a possibly life changing point somewhere along it. Accepting it could not only give him the wrong signal, but also close some other doors elsewhere. I'm not even sure where I base all this, but it's just a feeling I get. My instincts warn me not to take up on it. I know I have a habit of being overcautious, especially about new experiences, but I'm unsure if I'm willing to risk going against a gut feeling this strong..

"..If they're coming here, I don't see a point in traveling after the traveling carnival. It would render the whole point meaningless, after all."

To ease up, both the tension inside, and the answer I reached, I cover my nervous fears with a joke. Hearing the faint giggle in front accompanied with the obviously allayed smile, I begin to understand just why Hayate keeps wanting to joke around serious subjects. Although, I still feel she's overdoing it. Much like Nanoha mulling things by herself not wanting to trouble other people, or me taking too many extra measures to avoid disasters that keeps me from enjoying things as they come..

I guess we all have a thing or two to learn from each other.

"So.. can I take it to mean, you'd be willing to go when they're visiting here?"

"That.. might not be a bad idea. I need to ask Vivio what day would suit her the best before I can say anything definite, though. Or, it might just turn out that we'd have a better chance visiting Lufen.. Blessed with this amount of luck, it wouldn't be a surprise."

"Hmm.. I am sure you're fortune's about to change, just give it time. You're not cursed, just going through a tough time."

With the comforting smile, a sight all too familiar, and yet so uplifting at the same, she steps right beside me brushing my arm, before meeting my gaze and retracting suddenly.

"Thanks.. even if I don't feel as certain of it.. *sigh* I know there's more to life than just closing myself in this room.. *giggle* with an adorably teenage feel to it. No wonder there's so much angst when I've suddenly become ten years younger," I try to ignore the previous event and the embarrassed blush at the abrupt end of it, and shift my focus on the interior of my room, being left the way it was first furnished ever since mom bought this house having left the one at Earth after I graduated Seishou Middle.

"Ooff.. I don't know how 'teenage' cars and military posters are.. but given how black everything is, I don't doubt it can get a bit gloomy shutting yourself in here," Ginga frowns apparently not sharing my tastes in decoration. Well, I'm used to it, so it doesn't really bother that much. "But, yeah, anyhow, if.. If you find the time to pay a visit to the carnival, would it be a bother if, if I tagged along with you two? Or three, if Yuuno-san's coming as well.." With a shy flushed face leaning closer, I feel a blush of my own creeping up on me.

I'm still far from being used to this close proximity. Although the exceptions on the list have grown from just Nanoha, Mom, and Arf to include Vivio, Caro, Erio as well, I still need to be in a certain mood to not feel awkward being this near someone else, or afraid of their touch.

"Um.. Yeah.. I.. doubt it'd be a bother.. Or, rather, it would make a nice change of pace, I guess," I have to avert my eyes and fall a one step back to regain my composure, and as I lift my eyes again, they're greeted with a happily beaming green orbs, leaned even closer, until she herself realizes just how close she moved and quickly retreats with even a more furious blush on her cheeks than she had had before.

"So.. Um.. I.. I'll let you know," I put my best effort in acting unfazed by, whatever the earlier exchange was about, but my voice belies my facade.

"Y-yeah.. Um.. Sorry.. I just got excited, and forgot you don't like um.." Ginga sounds just as pitiful as I feel, hearing, and seeing, my composure failing badly.

"Oh, no no. Don't apologize. Yes, I'm still.. Still not that comfortable with.. being suddenly this close to people, but it's.. It's okay," I try to reassure her that I didn't mind it as much as it appeared. Which is not a lie. In truth, I would love to become able to stand close, even if I didn't feel comfortable with sudden intimacy, it wouldn't hurt if could let people close to me to come close in a more concrete sense as well.

"Oh.. Oh, good.. I mean, I'm still sorry for startling you, but it's good I didn't cause you trouble.. I'd hate that.. So, um.."

"Um.. Tea? I mean, how about it? I mean, you want a cup of tea? I could make you.. or ask mom to do it.." I point out at the door and towards the kitchen, spinning around the room in a rather embarrassing manner. I need to calm down, maybe I could use a cup of chrysanthemum tea myself, or was it chamomile? Anyway, it's supposed to be relaxing, if I recall correctly.

"Y-yeah, sounds delicious, so.. Yes, that would be fine, thank you."

With the slightly awkward and weirdly nervous air lingering, we step outside my room, and head on to the kitchen to prepare our drinks and have a light snack. And as it appears that mom has gone out, I curse inside my head for always leaving tea brewing for Nanoha, not really bothering to learn it properly after a few rather mediocre attempts. I just hope it still turns out drinkable this time.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

* * *

Having enjoyed the surprise visit of Ginga that, even as it turned a bit less relaxing somewhere along the way, it still lifted my mood and soothed me, caressing my wounded, and restless heart, I breath out much calmer than I felt earlier on, and take out the notebook left lying on the night table by the bedside again.

I open it, continuing from where I had to stop the last time, now more prepared for the initial shock as I know it coming.

 _20 days after_

 _I'm dead._

 _Could be for all I care._

 _It wouldn't make a difference...I would feel just as much._

 _Why's it all so empty, meaningless?_

 _I don't know what I'd do without Vivio around..._

I take a deep breath, bracing myself, as I turn my eyes on the page beside.

 _21 days after_

 _I can't breathe, I'm suffocating, all the memories, they keep coming in, I had to seal the windows._

That's.. even more frightening.. Just what is, or was going on? I wish she'd explain it better..

Oh, the next page is empty.. And.. I've read the one after already.. I turn another page forward.

 _24 days after_

 _Vivio's back. She had fun. She always smiles when she talks about strike arts or her schoolmates or people at the gym, but especially when she's talking about Einhart-chan.._

 _It reminds me of my childhood, and the days when everything was still alright, we were still kids filled with dreams and hope.._

 _With honest feelings.._

 _I miss those day* **smudge** *_

 _I miss it.. the feeling. The feelings.. I could say with all * **smudge** * that I love you to Fate-chan.. Oh, yeah, I couldn't.. But * **smudge** *ve meant it.._

 _Now...I don* **smudge** * know how I feel, about anything._

 _Except... I can't even write it.._

 _My feelings will just die down again anyhow, so what's th* **smudge** *.._

I close the diary, and throw it on the bed, feeling exhausted, furious, sad, confused, and near to a breaking point. This is too much, it's getting more and more dark as it goes on.. It's not even depressed anymore, it's despaired.. Is this really what she had to feel? Was it my fault? I wish she'd be mad or something, blaming me for leaving her alone, and not.. not just dying inside in silence.. I can't take this. If it keeps going on like this, I just can't read it. I know I'm only running away, but it's just not possible to take this all in..

..but I have to. I need to, if want to try to make things right. I doubt she will ask me about it, but I still can't lie about reading it, she'd know. And even if she didn't, I would, and it would render everything, the whole point, meaningless..

I hesitate for instance, taking a moment to turn around, before I collapse on the bed holding the notebook. With shaking hands, I pick it up, and open it, landing on a familiar page titled '40 days after'. Instinctively, I close it again. I'm honestly not interested in reading, the what was a real roundabout confession, again. It's...just too messed up. Nothing makes sense in any of this. No matter how hard I have my brains working on it, they can't pick up anything but misleading, and conflicting, signals that all tell a different story.

Which to believe?

The truth in front, or the truth behind her actions? The one in her words, or the one behind them?

There's two different paths with both of them having God knows just how many alternative endings, and none of them feel right. For the whole week since my return, I've felt like living a nightmare, but now, it's slowly turning into a vaguely bad dream that's as disturbing as it's open for interpretations. Conceptions that all fail when examined up and close.

Mom is right. Pondering something like this alone is a waste of time. I can contemplate and dive in my fantasies, hopes, dreams, delusions, whatever you call 'em, but it won't solve a thing. Not without the missing piece of the puzzle that only Nanoha holds. I'm not convinced it would be a good thing to drag her parents or siblings into this, but if I can't read her diary, it might just be the only available option left to even stand chance in getting us conversing civilly.

It would also mean that there wouldn't be any hope for us to get back together...but thinking this from an outside point of view, it's not my call anyway. The only one who can make that decision, is her.. And so far, the evidence isn't exactly in favor of it.

I sigh, again, this time to my circulating thoughts more than anything, and pull up the touch screen opening my neglected mailbox. I haven't responded to Signum or Shario yet, and as sorry I feel about ignoring them, I'm just too tired to care. I only hope it really wasn't anything important.

Oh.. Yuuno sent me a one again.. This.. This doesn't need a reply so I'll just send him a smiley to know I've seen it..

Hmm..? Ha! Quite a coincidence!

I can't help but to laugh out loud seeing what Shario asked me. She...she wanted to know if I had the time, and was going to the traveling carnival once it arrives here. It's so funny how everybody's keen to invite me. It's also just as sad no one asked me anything like this while everything was fine with me and Nanoha.. In any case, this.. This is.. This seems so much like a poor plot in a television drama that it's hard to take this seriously. Now if only Signum wanted to go there with me as well..

..That would be a bit stretching now wouldn't it? Well.. Visiting a theme park with her and Shamal wouldn't be the worst way to spend my time, but I doubt it wouldn't involve the very last person I wish to see at the moment. The backstabbing bitch trying to act a friend with a smile on her face ' _ya told me to take care of 'er, it ain't my fuckin' fault she loved it more than you, ay_ '..

Fortunately, Signum only wanted to know if and when would I be up for a sparring match. We do have score unsettled, still.. fifteen battles : ten draws, three canceled through interruption, one win for her, and one for me.. And none of the concluded fights have been without an outside interference, so the question's still there hanging in the air. Something all too many have been curious about.

I don't go and say I don't want to best her at her full strength, but it's not a matter of life and death, and I know she's the same. But given how rare it's for our scheduled free time to match, this is an opportunity I shouldn't miss.. Not just to know who's stronger, but to experience the thrill I get facing her. I reply 'any day next week'.

*knock knock*

As I am about to send a 'I'll let you know' to Shario, I hear a knock on my door, and before I can answer, the door handle comes down, hesitantly, but surely. However, the door won't open more than an inch or so, and I nearly miss the red and green orbs peeking on inside.

"It's alright, come on in. You don't need to hold anything back when you want to see your mama."

"Um.. I know.. It's just.. Okay, excuse me."

Opening the door fully, Vivio bows politely, as if visiting a completely new place, all the while still remaining the same girl I've watched growing up for.. oh my, is it already that many years? Shoot...Nanoha's right about one thing, at least, my life will pass me by if I only focus on work. No matter how important it is, no matter how a better future I strive for, it amounts to nothing if I lose everything I have in the present. No magic's convenient enough to turn back time or to relive the missed out events after all..

"So, how's my little girl?"

I smile at the amber haired teen mimicking her another mama with the lopsided ponytail. The only woman, or a girl, in the whole household not dressed in anything white or blue, having opted to wear a silvery blazer with a black, green, and red checkered skirt resembling those worn at some schools in Japan.. or that one another place whose name keeps escaping my mind...

"Um.. Dunno, okay, I guess.." She fidgets uncharacteristically. It must be about something really important, or at the least something she's sure I won't be delighted to hear. And before I can convey to her that it's all right no matter what it was about, that she could come to me with anything, she resumes while slowly lifting her eyes to meet my gaze in full determination. "..umm.. in any case, there's this.. carnevul thingy coming up.. no not the festival kind of, but uh.."

"The traveling carnival from Vaizen? You want to go there?"

"Yeah, that's the one! So you know, huh.." Vivio falls silent for a few seconds, before she continues. "..That makes things easier I guess.. So, anyway, I.. I mean.. would it be alright if I like, went there? With like Einhart-san?"

Recalling the entry from Nanoha's diary, I can't help but smile at the blushing girl before me. Even as I feel it's still too early for her to start dating or anything resembling it, my heart melts with the sight. She's so obviously in love that it would break my heart to stand against it.. However, as her mother, there are still some things that I need to be sure of before I can give my consent.

"Actually, how about you and Einhart went with us instead?"

"..Oh.." She seems relieved and bewildered at the same. It's adorable. "..Um.. Mama?" Vivio's confused expression turns slowly into an inquiring one. I can't blame her. And I could bet my life worth of savings I know the upcoming question.

"..Who's us? I mean.. Yes, it's more than fine. I really want to go there! But uh.."

"With me, Ginga, and Shario, and if Yuuno finds the time, he...could tag along, but that's a big if at the moment. Also, prepare for the possibility of Arf and mom coming as well."

"Oh, yeah, that's cool.." She stops to think for a moment, and after closing her eyes to go through carefully what I just promised her, she lifts a shining face up and gleams perfect happiness as she shouts out her next words. "..Yes! Thanks mama! You really are the best! Teeheehee, actually, having Arf-san coming with us is just even more bester!"

I flash an amused and honestly happy smile coming from my heart and it's deepest depths for the first time in a long while. Just to see Vivio bounce around this eager soothes all the fears and agony I had before, and for a moment, I feel like I could forget ever even hurting in the first place.

In an odd resemblance to Nanoha's words in her disturbed diary, I too, wouldn't know what I'd do without Vivio.

Watching her bouncing excited while typing a response to, who I can only guess to be Einhart, I pull up the screen again, and send a few responses of my own.

A one telling Yuuno that if he wanted to go with us, it would be here in Midchilda, and in a few days, or at most, after a week or so. As well as one to Shario explaining our plans briefly, and finally a one to Ginga, telling her the same while asking a specific date that would suit her the most.

Without waiting for a response, I pull the hovering screen down, and walk right next to my earnestly enthralled little girl, taking her in my arms as she closes her messaging app.

"I know you're not a child anymore, but wouldn't you still prefer sleeping with mama today?"

"Oh~ Mama.. Isn't it you who wants me to stay...?"

Her embarrassed blush tells me it's just as I asked her, or rather, that both of us were right.

"So what? There's this thing called mama-privilege, something I'm definitely not ashamed of."

"Aw~! It can't be helped then~! I'll keep you company, but only 'cause you told me to, and because you let me go to the carnival!"

"Aren't you a one cheeky little brat, huh..! Come here, and I teach what happens to girls like you!"

I tickle Vivio at her sides, while she bounces around the small room trying to evade my fingers. Even as she tries to act scared and plead me to stop, her happy giggles tell me how much she's enjoying this..

..And after a while, she starts trying to tickle me back, and as we catch each other, we collapse on the bed, spent from all the laughing and jumping around.

Yes.. Now, I believe you mom. With all the love enveloping me, I know I'm going to be alright, what ever may come.

With that thought in my mind, I let my eyes close feeling the little girl beside me clinging onto my warmth, and drift asleep. To a peaceful sleep. With another first for a while, I feel I can rest at ease, and wake up glad that I did.

* * *

 _/AN: So, this concludes the 'consequence' arc, and after this comes the what was initially meant as the second arc, but as I struggled with creating a cheery, lighthearted mood, I switched these around. In another words, up next, the story should take a slightly lighter turn (for the next three chapters) in terms of a general atmosphere._

 _Should there be anything you'd like to ask, or comment about this fic or this particular chapter in question, please don't hold yourself back or hesitate in leaving a review, all advises are appreciated._

 _Thank you for taking your precious time to read this, and hope to see you in future chapters (and other works) as well._

*Innocent Raccoon bows humbly hiding a mischievous smile while taking glances on the keyboard and planning future chapters*


	7. Engrossed

_AN: Allow (=·°ω°·=) to offer the heartfelt heap of thanks for y'all reading something basically written just to amuse this one. It's both ironic, and heartwarming at the same, which again is ironic in turn.. Funny, huh..  
_

 _Also, special thanks for **Bardische3** for your continuous support, it means a lot, especially as you're what could be considered NanoFei faithful (amirite). It's as amazing as it's inspiring, so thank you dearly._

 _And a combination of thanks and apologies for **'Sacred Heart'** for your patience while I cruelly leave you hanging, as I know it sucks to be on the waiting end. I hope you can take some solace of the knowledge that, albeit slowly, your request is progressing and that I'm working on it whenever time allows. _

_So, greetings and apologies aside, allow me to offer the latest chapter of this humble work of mine,_

 _in other words... : please do enjoy the latest chapter from Nanoha's POV to any and all of it's possible extents._

 _Disclaimer : I own no parts on anything related to the MSLN franchise, but oh my if I wouldn't mind if I did.._

* * *

Love Left Unspoken

* * *

"ninety nine.. one hundred! Ready or not, here I come~!"

" _Search mode._ "

I start mapping out the layout of the house while turning around to walk out the corner of the hallway I was left counting.

It seems Shamal is trying to obstruct my searching magic with an interference barrier field. It could be a diversion, but my gut tells me they've hidden inside, and I proceed threading along the corridor and towards the living room. That's one place holding many hiding spots, especially for Vivio, Vita, and Reinforce. Although, it's a bit hard to imagine the red haired woman so conscious of her size to use it in her advantage.

My ears pick up only silence, but that is to be expected. They won't give themselves out that easily.

I circle around the couches, peek behind the drapes, check out under the table. It would be too embarrassing to not be able catch them only because I neglected the too obvious places, and I wouldn't put relying on that past any of them.

"Raising Heart, sensor expansion."

" _Yes, My Master_ "

I find one locked door. Our bedroom door is sealed, with not only lock, but with a spell as well. There's something hidden behind it. Something I can't find out.

I cease searching the living room, and step back in the hallway, threading along it towards the bedroom door ignoring the signs of someone, probably Signum, hiding on the diverging corridor leading to kitchen. She's positioned to sprint off and escape if I approached from here in any case, so I would have prepare myself to be able to successfully catch her. And as at the very moment, my focus lies solely on the 'truth' behind the sealed door, I would only end up letting her flee no matter how I struggled.

I wonder why my mind cannot process anything else than the single important task at hand, it's not normal. It's not me. Have I fallen this low from what I used to be?

The door is getting closer to me, with the path shrinking. I am now standing right in front the seal.

"Divine-! BUSTER!"

I blast through the gate blocking me from reaching the truth, and enter the velvet room covered in silk and scent of an incense burned. The world whirls while the magic dissipates shattering the mirage rejected. I step further in, and see Hayate sitting on the bed in her familiar mauve nightwear, and Fate lying under the covers her hair disheveled in a manner that leaves me little room for second guesses about what had been going on in this chamber.

"Nanoha..? No, this isn-"

"This is exactly what it looks like.." Hayate interrupts Fate's panicking excuses. "..I'm tired Nanoha, you're just too demanding. I thought I knew you, but it only turned out to be another lie. I didn't fall in love with a liar, and neither did Fate-chan. Funny how it turned out we had a lot in common after all."

The blue eyes gleam a mysterious dark light as the brunette rises up stepping closer, right in front, almost touching, and drops the smile from her face.

"Tell me honestly, Nanoha. What do you really want from me?"

"I..."

"Ya still don't know, huh.. Not that it matters, I can have Fate-chan comforting me while you think on it. Just remember, the longer you take, the less certain it 'comes that either of us are ever coming back."

"No..." My voice falters with the gush blowing me out, rejecting my presence, and I'm flung cast far aside in darkness overwhelming. The pages show the smudges smearing the words, rendering it all unreadable. I can't even reach out to Raising Heart. She abandoned me too.. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want shout out to the girl left lying on the ground to rise up. I can't reach her, my words are stuck in my throat and I can't move.. I want to help her...

"It's alright, hush, it's alright.. I'm here.."

A familiar voice echoes resonating somewhere inside my head, and the pain eases again, letting me go, and I drift asleep.

"Um.. *yawn* mmh.. Vivio?"

"Not quite.. Sorry but you'll have to settle on me for now."

"Oh..?"

Faced with the bright light of the morning sun shining through the gap in the curtains, I'm blinded for a while, and the with shock from my dream still haunting, it takes me a moment to calm myself enough to recognize and realize my whereabouts.

The soft feel embracing me, hands around me with my head held in comforting arms. The enticing scent igniting me, fragrance flowing through my nostrils feeding my body and soul new life. The alluring sight facing me, blue matching mine with our eyes colliding and the smooth skin veiled in thin nearly see-through fabric pushing on me, raising heat within. I cling on to the woman lying beside me startling her.

"I'm.. not a bother.. am I? I'm not.." _too demanding.._? My words are muffled and come out unclear. Truth be told, I didn't even meant to say anything of it out loud, but my mouth decided otherwise. I don't want to beg any more pity out of her. That really comes off bothersome, I know it. Not only as she hates it when I require validation, confirmation, and assurance to acknowledge myself, my own presence within, but I know it's vexing, cumbersome, and I don't like the lack of confidence either. Seeking out an outside help to find your own feet goes against everything I believe in. Against everything I've tried to teach Vivio.

How am I going to raise her to an independent strong woman when I'm giving this kind of example?

I lift my head, and as I see her lowering hers to meet mine, I close my eyes letting my senses heighten in the darkness as our lips brush then collide.

I open my mouth, lips slightly parted, allowing the tongue tickling them to slip through, just to cup it in my own. She moans in my mouth, and I feel my breath already come ragged, with only short, fast inhales, without pulling our lips apart from each other, or halting our kiss. I drown in the sensation, the ecstasy.

My hand moves around the back of her head pulling her closer, as if to devour the sweet taste fueling my passion. I shift from a nightmare to a beautiful dream. At the gates of the sensual paradise of two women in love. I ask to come in, and let my tongue glide along hers, past the soft bumps guarding entrance, and into the warm orifice, my well of wishes.

With a groan escaping, I pull back, and feel her hold tighten around me as she shivers our breaths colliding on our mouths. She pushes her lips down on me, halting my escape, capturing the upper lip on a gentle caress. Her light yet passionate kisses tease in a way I know no words to describe it. It's all I want just as much as it's never enough. I pull up my lower lip, now cupping hers in a caress of my own.

Quivering, I suck in, release the lip and brush my tongue on hers once more. I feel her shuddering, and my right hand slides lower, from the back of her head to her neck, then back, and lower to her left side all the way down to the silky smooth thigh. I lift my body, and stop to take a breath, opening my eyes to properly greet the woman sitting on the same bed, holding me in her arms.

"Mmh~ Good morning~"

"Oh, um.. 'morning..?"

She's as flustered, if not more, as I feel hot.

"So.. Ya awake now?" Hayate smiles at me playfully, seemingly happy and amused at the morning's turn of events. I wonder if she's gotten the answer to the question she wanted to find out..

"Um...not quite. But if I had nice morning exercise I just might~" In my desire to rid the gloom from my sleepy head, before it takes it's hold again, I answer purring with tone as flirty as I can. If she's fine with the increased level of intimacy, I shouldn't let this chance go to waste.

"Nanoha.. You're hopeless," Her expression as she giggles allays my fears, she's not against it.

"I'm not hearing no~"

"Well I ain't saying so."

"Good," Without even finishing the word, I pick up where I left off, and push my lips on hers, place my arms around her neck pulling her down on me. As we collapse on the bed, my nightmares, the insecurities, the memories left lurking, all the bad in the world and inside me are swept away replaced with a burning delight.

I don't know if it's the right answer, but should the woman from my dream come ask me now again, I'd respond 'I want you here, with me, the whole of you, accepting the whole of me'.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 7 : Engrossed

* * *

Having watched my class struggle to keep up with the newly forged curriculum, and heard several of both, complaints from the students lacking self-confidence, and words of gratitude from those wishing to exceed their limits, I call in a seemingly much appreciated lunch break, while informing everyone that the afternoon lessons would be held indoors and consist mostly on reviewing tactics, strategies, and basic skills required to survive extreme conditions using a few famous cases as example.

While I do recognize a couple of students feeling more invigorated by the absence of physical exertion, it's pleasing to find out just how many are eager to watch my friends in action. The thought that the struggles, hurdles, and adversities they've fought hard to overcome will now serve as educational material for the younger generation. Although, not that many of my current students are that much younger than the examples they look up to. Some of them are actually older..

"This is starting to become a habit.."

I'm startled, once again, while walking inside the hallways with a familiar voice waking me from my thoughts.

"..although, I gotta admit this time it's intentional. It's around the time for a lunch break, wanna join?"

I nod to the sweet short brunette inviting me, and end up averting my eyes recalling the events from this morning seeing her blush behind the cool posture. I can't help it, feeling giddy and embarrassed, my composure extends only so far and comes out mostly in a desperate need. Now out in the open, unprepared, I'm utterly helpless before the nervous anticipation. All the more now that I can see her more collected than during the past week.

As I don't need to push her to a certain direction, to support her to stand behind a decision _I_ made, I feel myself relying on her once more. It's not good, and playing cat and mouse will lead us nowhere. My courage fails as I don't need to pursue it, but it's only false comfort, sweet illusion, and it will all come crashing down if I don't keep fighting for it headstrong.

I need this, this can't be a mere repetition, failures of past retold, a recurring tragedy of a two broken hearts, I don't know if can say so for myself, but she deserves better than that.

"So, any luck on finding, and gathering, suitable members?" I take her hand in mine, trying to act, and breath calmer than my fluttering heart would allow me to.

"As a matter of fact, yes.. All I needed do was, stop trying too hard to look around and focus on what's right here under my nose to get all I required," Hayate smiles at me, hinting at a another meaning behind her words, and I feel my composure failing ever more with all the happy warm feelings it brings aflame. "Can't believe how blind people can be, but sometimes ya just can't see the forest from the trees. I even figured I need to start wearing glasses. Turned out it wasn't my eyesight gone bad, just the way I thought," Ending her sentence with a light chuckle, she leans on me, raising the flush on my cheeks to a lengths I thought I'd be past by now, with how I've tried to seduce her the past week.

I guess it's still different being on the receiving end.. Did I use to get this anxious whenever she came close before, or is it just that now I know, or hope, there's some meaning behind it? Hmm.. It's curious, even if it's not that important.

I let myself ease on the feel of her right next to me, and begin wondering where she's taking me instead..? This isn't the way to the cafeteria.

"You didn't pack lunch today, right?"

"No..? Oh.. OH! You made me?"

She only gives me a wink as a response, followed by a happy smile, and I feel my lips curve in kind.

This is the kind of thoughtfulness I've missed the most. There had been a lot of it during our time at RF6. Whenever I made a miss, forgot something, or was about to falter, Fate was there to pick up where I left off. And the same the other way around. We completed each other, complementing each of our weaknesses with the strengths of the other party. It was another, different kind of time at our lives, and now it feels a different life from this one altogether.

Although..

"What's on your mind?"

"Feeling nostalgic, half sad for all, um, you know. And half glad that there's still something left to cling on that's not about to change, that much, at least not for the worst."

..Having the woman beside me supporting from background, looking over us, is one of few aspects remaining from our former lives. Something I definitely won't give up or away. Even as she's moved to stand in the spotlight in front from the shadows behind she used to work from, the basic principle is the same. And I'm more grateful than I know how to show.

I squeeze the hand held in mine a little tighter, and for a passing second, I let my head fall leaning on her shoulder taking a side way glance at her surprised, but happy, expression.

However, it's a bit awkward position for walking, so I have to raise my head, begrudgingly, and settle on the entwined fingers. The giddy flutters and the happily missed out heartbeats overwhelm my senses. My head comes emptied of words with emotions replacing them on side glance after a side glance. The feeling only grows realizing she's the same.

Somehow walking side by side this aisle, I can't help but let my mind blow it out of proportion, and imagine a different venue. This does feel a journey through eternity. I am getting far too ahead of myself, but right now it's all think about, and our five minute walk did feel to last forever. Not that I minded, or would've minded.. Not if we could take Vivio along, but I can't take her away from Fate. She needs her, they need each other, and I can't stand in the way of their relationship, one of the reasons I really do need to make up with Fate, rather sooner than later.

"..Nanoha?"

"Um, yeah?" The sudden call at side a few steps ahead slightly up front, brings me back to the present and to the company of the woman I dreamily thought about.. before my fantasies reminded of another woman, and all the things I need to do..

"You coming in?" An inquisitive glance from under a welcoming smile carries a vaguely blurring uncertainty. I keep making her worry, it has to stop.

"Oh, yes, um.. thanks, I mean.. Yes, please excuse my intrusion," In my effort of collecting my cool, I end up acting reserved instead as I try too much too hard with not only my problems, but also the pesky little butterflies obstructing the signals on the line between inner self and outward appearance.

"I believe I heard somebody saying something against hesitation just the other day, now correct me if I'm wrong but I reckon it was you."

"Um.. Sorry.."

"I ain't mad, only curious. You got something troubling ya? I'm here for ya, if you're willing to share," She shakes her head along her words, and her gleam curious as she turns them back on in her effort of offering support and assurance, telling me it's okay to rely.

"Just thinking about stuff.. mostly useless. Like, life, and how unnecessarily unfair and complicated it gets, or can be.."

For me, that's as hard as it's easy. I can feel myself taking advantage of her kindness and have to pull back, emotionally, as I can't allow myself to grow dependent, but I also require her presence to complete the missing piece inside. Alone I'm just a girl, not even a mage. I can cast simple spells without Raising Heart, but it doesn't feel the same. I don't even feel a 'hero', savior, or whatever they've come to see me as for the missions I've taken part in, that is something I don't even need, as long as everybody's happy, the who gets the praise, becomes a triviality.

I am not even a woman grown, not by myself, an adult could and would take a better care of herself. For some reason, it's so much easier to work for the sake of someone else, and help yourself on the side. I wonder why..?

"Well, I don't know if it serves as consolation, but here's a fair share of well made lunch, just left lying right here on the table waiting for a nice young miss to come and gobble it down," Hayate steps inside pulling me gently as she enters a room marked as her office, temporary, I'd figure, as it lacks the amount of decoration you would expect from a room of a military elite.

I can't help but giggle hearing her and let my feet follow on their own. I feel possessed, somehow, being led like this, it's new, and letting my mind catch on the thought, it becomes even more...intriguing, exciting, tempting.. Oh, this could be a play I'd want to try, if I can only suggest it. It's easier to let one thing to lead to another through physical interactions, voicing something referring it, or moreover requesting it, is not that simple. Not when it goes beyond a playful flirt, or a vague hint.

I lift my eyes on the woman now fully shifted to stand in front from the side, offer a smile in response to her own, and lean in closer for a kiss as to show my appreciation for all she's done.

"I meant the lunch box, not myself," Smiling amused, Hayate pulls her head back a bit after a light quick kiss on her lips.

"Aw~! Too bad.."

I mock disappointed, not even barely able to hide the grin springing forth, and as I throw my eyes back, and shake my head faintly at the effort, I feel a soft touch on my lips.

"It's not to say, ya can't have some appetizers, though."

Her voice comes a whisper, tickling my lips, igniting a flame inside, and I quiver as I cup the lip brushing mine in my mouth and gently suckle on it, teasing it with my tongue in the mean. Her shivering groans only fuels the passion raving, depriving me of sense and sanity. I feel myself no longer growing hotter, but burning up instead. The needs I thought satisfied this morning spark anew, demanding more, and more, and more.

My hands crawl along her back on their own. Rid from restraint, and control, I'm unable to contain the urge forming inside, and pull her body in hard pressed on mine, and let my tongue clash on hers our heaved breath colliding on the wet exchange. I lose awareness, sense of surroundings, and fall in a world for just the two of us, and the raw emotion between.

With another hot and moist kiss, even deeper than all those before, her hands respond in kind to mine as they cling on my back tighter, and tighter, and tighter. The feeling overgrows, and I feel myself burning and aching, a familiar tingle blooming from deep inside my very core, ready to explode. Her taste is like a drug, her scent a lure, and her soft body a trap I cannot escape, nor would I want to. This is exactly what I needed, what I've been longing, despairing for. The passion overwhelming, this feeling of becoming alive. My heart's rebirth.

My fingers dive inside her uniform, sliding in from below, and venture on along her sides as I hear a cough coming from behind. Oh, no..

"Sorry for intruding, I just thought I'd ask if you wanted to eat lunch with us, but it seems you're already preoccupied."

..Now this is awkward.

"I'll take this to mean that either your talk went really well, or that you needed a little warm up to ease down the fall."

My red haired colleague steps in, altering between grinning amused and shaking her head in disbelief. I can only blush and lower my head in shame being caught like this on our private moment.

Hayate doesn't fare much better, opening and closing her mouth as she eases her hold on me switching her gaze between me, Vita, and the azure haired assistant competing me in terms of embarrassed posture.

I grab a hold of the hand drawing apart from me and as I feel a nervous tension rising on Hayate, I realize having heard something odd just now.

I let my gaze pierce into the blue beside me, and clearly see her faltering. There's something she needs to tell me. Something either hard for me to hear, or for her to say. And if I had to make a guess, I'd put my money on combination of both. And I can't feign disinterest. The uneasy curiosity becomes plainly visible.

"Um.. So.. We're going to Vaizen, in a month or so.. Um.. Surprise?" Hayate smiles extremely awkwardly while spreading her hands at the end of her sentence."

"Yes it most certainly counts as one," I...don't know how to react.

"Hayate-sama..." Neither really does Reinforce, who frowns groaning at the manners of her mistress..

..And Vita face-palms, visibly, loud and clear, as in with an actually loud sound.

"Okay... Hmm.. The when and where you already mentioned. I'd guess why relates to the case you've been working on. So.. All that's left is, who?"

"Me?" She blinks trying to smile cute and innocent for a brief moment. I'm not sure how much of my reaction I'm showing on my face, but her reactions indicate she can tell how I'm not amused. "..And Rein, Vita, Shamal, Signum, Agito, Zafira, Ginga, Subaru, Erio-kun, and Shario, and Lutecia, and Mariel, among few others and the rest of the menial staff will be recruited locally once we've set up the base properly and fully relocated and um, yeah.."

I see.. So, it's finally progressing, it's a good thing..? Yes, yes it is. She's.. They've all put so much work in it, and now they're getting close to solve and achieve something big. Besides the knowledge that they all will be leaving for undetermined amount of time. It could take any number of days, weeks, or most likely months, and while that does make me cringe a bit, there's another point here that I am far more interested in.

"If Shario's leaving with you.."

"Um, yeah.. Teana-chan and Fate-chan are joining my team, or to be more precise, cooperating with us on this one.."

"Uh-huh.." I can't help but be a bit taken aback by this turn of events. It definitely will not lead to anything good, not at this rate, not while things stand the way they do now.

"So.. um.. There's this one lil'.."

"Oh..!" I cut in at the short pause she makes and pick up where she left off. After all, it's not that hard to guess what she wants to ask me. "I need to talk about it with Vivio, well of course I can ask Lindy-san and Arf to look after her, I'm sure it's not a problem. Still.. I don't know if I'm comfortable leaving her by herself for that long, it'll take long to clear this case, after all.. It always does.. So.. In other words, please let me think about it. You don't need an immediate response, do you?"

"Huh?..Uh.. No. It's.. It's fine. I'll just put on a request to reserve you for my services, just in case, and if you decide to stay, I'll call it off.. Okay, now.. Let's eat?" Hayate brushes the topic aside motioning towards the lunch boxes stacked at her desk receiving an affirmative nod from Reinforce and a shrug from Vita. I wonder if there was something else, something left unmentioned.. The way Vita looked at the awkwardly smiling woman beside me didn't look like one approving her. Am I only overthinking this? I know I'm not exactly gifted in reading between the lines, but I'm not as dunce as I've made myself appear. Everything's just easier that way.

I...I guess I can ask about it later, and I'm sure she'll tell me if there's something I should know. Watching the azure haired assistant sitting down to open her lunch box while smiling relieved at the easing atmosphere, I'd feel bad if I soured the mood with something that'll evidently clear up later. We should just enjoy this what's definitely going to be a tasty lunch and leave the heavy stuff for another time.

I open the box holding the lunch made and reserved for me, and grab a small piece of chicken with my chopsticks, put it in my mouth, chew it carefully, savoring every bit of the taste. It's not only cooked to perfection, but the flavoring is world class as well. I take a bit of rice to go along and it only brings out the exquisiteness of the gourmet catering masked as a simple dish.

Comparing this to what I can manage at my own kitchen, I feel ashamed. After all the food I've made for Vivio, I'm still far from reaching these sort of heights. Well, baked confections aside. That's really the only culinary area I can take any pride on..

"So yeah, it just hit me, but uh.. I wanna know how did you get Fate-chan aboard?" Swallowing a few side dishes that I'm positive even the pickiest children would enjoy while agreeing that vegetables, in fact, can be delicious, I inquire on a matter that, as I said, just occurred to me, but piqued my interest immediately.

"Oh, that.. It's actually just the opposite.." Hayate lowers her chopsticks, and turns to face me her expression falling a bit awkward, or ashamed(?), again, before resuming as calmly as she can in her state. "..She.. kinda asked, ahem.. well, it came through Teana-chan, but she told me it was Fate-chan's idea.. In any case they wanted to be included in the team I was assembling.. *sigh* It's about the relation between our cases that Ginga stumbled on just the other day.. It was all there on plain sight all along, I'm embarrassed that I missed all of it.."

"Hayate-sama, don't be too hard on yourself.. We all ignored the possibility even with all the evidence presented and the eyes going through it, so we are all to blame as much.."

"Rein is right, and especially as you've been kinda preoccupied with stuff, that's while not unrelated, but surely affecting on the bigger picture, so if need to put the blame on someone, put it on me for taking so much of your valuable time with things that I should've been able to figure out on my own without troubling you," I look deep in to the blue eyes to convey the sincerity of my words. I feel like I need to apologize for being so useless, while interfering with her work with all my worries and insecurities swollen at needless extents.

"Now, that's a road I ain't gonna allow you to start heading down. Free time's free time, and job's a job. No matter what's going on in your life off duty, it should never affect you while on the clock. So don't ever blame _yourself_ on something _I_ messed up, no matter what. And that's final," She, however, firmly disagrees with the notion and scolds me for even thinking about something like that. I can only blink as I see her sterner than she's ever been with me before.

I...I carelessly said something I shouldn't have again.. But my opinion hasn't changed. If I was a burden, it would make it my fault, and no one's a machine enough to just switch off emotions entirely, not even me, or Fate. Even if we're seen as such.

"How about we just agree that everybody's just as right as we're wrong, and just eat."

"Well, that I can agree to."

"Most definitely concur."

"Yeah, I won't argue with that.." Hayate sighs and picks up her chopsticks again, before taking a curious look around. "Is it really that good?"

Focusing on gentle caress of our taste buds, the three of us all nod in unison. Yes it is. And letting sensation take over, the air around us becomes relaxed again.

This is something I would love to do again, spending lunch breaks like this with everyone. I hope there come another chance for it, or rather chances, and falling into the sweetness of the thought my lips curve up, ready to join the meaningless chatter the others partook in while I was lost in my idle musings. Okay, let's enjoy this to the fullest extent.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

* * *

" _Master, contact request from Bardiche it is Enforcer Fate Testarossa._ "

"Oh, patch it through," I rise up from the soft queen size bed I had been sitting on while making out adjustments to the personal training regimes I've been planning for some of my students who, excel at certain parts while lagging behind others, in hopes to find the perfect balance. It would be better if I could just polish their finer points, but if we neglected their weaknesses, it would cause problems at the rank exams, or worse, at the field where it becomes a matter of life and death.

"Hello.." Fate smiles faintly, still wearing a black blouse at this time, I wonder if she put on to wear something 'proper' while calling me or if she's not ready to hit the bed yet.

"Yeah, hi.." I blush a bit, stumbling at my response, as I concentrate too closely on the difference on our attire. I'm only wearing a peach colored light negligee that's almost, or rather mostly see-through. "Um.. So, what's new?" I try to regain my composure, but only end up sounding more awkward.

"Nothing much, went to eat out with Vivio while I picked her up at Corona's house. We went to the you know, that place owned by the strange old man by the memorial park. I know you don't like him 'cause the way he always looked at us, but the food is good so.. um.. Are you alone?"

"Uh.. Yeah, well, kinda.. I mean yes, sure, in a way," I can't help but frown at my conduct. This is.. This, just feels like I'm trying too hard to act unfazed in front of her, to appear normal, but I really don't know how I should be like.

"*sigh* *tch* You do realize that as this is a screened call, I can see your whereabouts, so you don't really need to try to hide it. It's not _considerate,_ just insulting my intelligence."

"That's um.. sorry. I didn't mean it like that, I-"

"It's okay, I get that. I do.. Just so you know, to not do it in the future. Ever."

"Uh-huh.. I am alone, all by myself in this room, at the moment, _that's_ what I meant. But if you wanna take it as an insult, be my guest. It's not my concern."

Seeing her snap at me brings me back to my usual posture and I stop fidgeting needlessly. It's funny how we need, if not outright confrontation then at least a hint of bickering, to ease the strained tension between us. It'll take years to get us back at friendly terms at this rate.

"Whatever.. Anyways, I was just calling to let you know that Vivio's staying with us for the next week as well.. If that's still alright with you, you did say she could stay as long as she wanted, but.."

"Yes, it's fine. I'm not saying I'm not missing her, but it's not everyday she gets to be with you so, yes, she can stay," I smile reassuringly with my response feeling a bit calmer now that I've seen we can at least act civil in all things regarding Vivio, it's not much, but it's progress, I think.. At least it means there's no fear of our little girl being dragged into any problems between us.. Right?

"Ah, yeah.. Um, about that.. I.. I need to.. um.. go away, for a few days at the end of the next week so.." Fate makes a strange stop at the middle of her sentence, and it really ticks me off in a weird way, all the more when combined with the words she stumbled with, or paused at. It's like she was asking my consent for something she knows that would bother me.. And just why am I like this again? It's just a coincidence, and even if it's not, it has nothing to do with me..

"Yeah, sure, bring her over, whether I'm here or home. So.. is it work again?"

"No, nothing like that.. Or yes, in a way it is work related, but not to the case we've been working on, it's more about me and my profession in general than with anything else.."

I can't help but notice how vague she's about the whatever it is that calls her presence. The way she keeps averting her gaze, looking around more than at me, moving around as she explains, all the while talking with a detached nonchalant tone that doesn't sound her at all. She's definitely hiding something...but what? Why?

"Oh, that reminds me.." Fate acts, obviously faked, as if she had suddenly remembered another important matter, and I'm certain that my face lets her know just how a poor performance it was. I don't bother even trying to hide it after all. "..You probably know about it right now, but there's this traveling carnival from Vaizen coming to Midchilda and we're taking Vivio there, in... wait.. three? Yeah, three days from now."

"Uh-huh.." Somehow, I'm starting to not like this conversation.. "..So?"

"Ouch.. That's cold.. So~" She accents the word exaggeratedly in what I can interpret as her way of brushing my attitude aside. "I thought I'd ask, if you wanted to.. tag along? It's not everyday something like this happens, and um.. so I just thought um.. well, I'm sure Vivio would like it."

"So you want me to babysit her while you're on a date?"

"Hmm.. I wonder.. *giggle*" Hearing my accusation masked as a question, Fate only giggles while shaking her head slowly. "What if I said it's just for old time's sake? A little get together with old friends, hm?" She tries to lift my mood and get me excited by using a lighter, happier tone, almost childish. It's just..

"I'd still say it's not a good idea.."

..I can't see it turning out well.

"Well, it didn't hurt to try.."

"..I'm getting kinda tired, so if there's nothing else, you just happened to remember then.."

"..Really, Nanoha? *sigh* No, no there isn't.. I just.. No, there isn't.. So, um.. Good night," Seeing the cringe on her face, I almost end up apologizing, but the words just refuse to come out..

"Yeah, good night.."

..and I bid her good night with a tired voice, more exhausted by our conversation that any creeping sleepiness.

"Actually, I don't feel it a bad idea.. The carnival that is."

"You wanted me to go with them?"

My question comes out just as tired and cold as it was with Fate, as I turn my attention on the woman stepping inside the bedroom we've shared the past few days. The brunette wearing a plain white shirt and a plated light brown skirt smiles as she walks right next to me, unfazed by my tone and manners, and starts slowly changing into her familiar nightwear as she explains what she meant.

"..I wouldn't go that far, not that I'd say no if you wanted, it's your call.. What I meant was, the idea of having little fun, a get together as Fate-chan called it, ain't so bad.. Now, I could suggest we went at another date, but it just so happens to be the only chance all of us could go. And that's something really rare."

"Wait? You knew about this? Or.." I almost jump in her lap as I turn around suddenly, making her stop changing as I grabbed a hold of her without realizing.

"Or I was eavesdropping you? A bit of that too, sorry, I.. just overheard.. well, not all, but some of it. But yeah, I happened to know about their plans in advance.." Hayate tries to pull out of my grip gently, but my fingers keep on grabbing tighter as she struggles. It's as if I was possessed with something.

"..So, you know who she's going with?"

"That I do,'s not what I can say, not for sure, I only heard a little bit from Ginga when she came requesting a day off, so at least her, and I figure Lindy-san and Arf might be going as well.." Having finally gotten out of my hold, she puts on her babydoll, and brushes along the arms I had grabbed, before turning to face me with a serious expression. "..And now, be honest with me, why's it so important you know?"

I... I don't know. I honestly don't know. It's not just some petty jealousy, is it? Thinking rationally, I'd actually feel easier if Fate found someone.. I think.. I want her to be happy at least, that I know.. I'm.. It can't be just general curiosity, can it? That's just dumb.. And I'm not that interested in other people's affairs in general, um.. check that, I can take it if they don't to talk about it, and it doesn't really bug me that much.. Um, so.. She wouldn't ever even think about associating with people that could be bad influence for Vivio either.. In that I know I can trust her.

The only thing my mind can come up with, are Ginga's words about how it's harder to actually move on than it's to make oneself to believe they're doing so.. That's.. an awfully simplified answer, and it doesn't really solve anything..

"It's okay.. Just lemme know when you find an answer.. whatever it is, I wanna know.." With a sigh, Hayate crawls under the blanket and turns to her side with a sad frown.

I feel I just made a mess, a mistake I that would come haunt me for a long while, or is it that I, myself am the mess, even still?

Without reaching an answer I crawl behind the woman who's given me nothing but love and support, and whom I've just hurt in return.. Feeling lost, I hold her, softly, and as I feel her leaning backwards on me, I can't help but think that it's her comforting me again, assuring it's going to be alright, instead of the other way around it should be this time... I can't keep making her adjust and bend to my needs, not if I can't do the same for her..

With my eyelids growing heavy with the soothing fragrance and soft feel, I fall into a deep, peaceful sleep, hoping I'll find a way to repay all the kindness and love I've received... Before it's too late to regret.

* * *

 _/AN : So, thanks y'all for reading this, and allow me to present a few things on how go about this and works beyond the twenty something thousand, (or over hundred pages with the exception of PWPs), including this one. Should you deem it unnecessary, I won't hold it against ya, and merely wish to see you again in future chapters and other fics._

 _So, moving on, the original story layout had four chapters (plus possible epilogue) all from Nanoha's POV which were then expanded into three likewise themed chapter arcs along with two completely new arcs thrown in the middle for some additional depth and detail. And for dramatic effect._

 _So, as things stand at the moment, the current layout resembles following (after having removed obvious spoilers)_

 _introduction (enclosed (Nanoha), entranced (Hayate), entrusted (Fate))_

 _consequence (entitled (Hayate), entangled (Nanoha), enveloped (Fate))_

 _concession (engrossed (Nanoha), entailed (Hayate), endured (Fate))_

 _concurrence (en?ed x3 H,N,F) (:_

 _conflict_

 _conclusion_

 _epilogue (engraved (Nanoha's diary in full with additional afterwords from the three MCs)_

 _All totaling up to 19 chapters unless I revise and divide the epilogue in three, or decide to turn this into a citrus copy and keep dragging it on needlessly._

 _And given how moody I am, everything's still very much a subject to change, and as such this only serves as more of a reference than a proper guideline. And as to tease your curiosity _(~_^)__

 _ _Also, I already apologize in advance if I'm unable to release anything until two weeks from now. It's a possible outcome all things considered, but it's a happily preoccupied one, so I ain't complaining, merely stating.__

 _ _'Till then, (or hopefully before) I bid thee good day, night, morning, as well as evening, with all too familiar plead : Please do not feel the need to hold yourself back in leaving a review in case there's anything you'd wish to convey.__

 _ _Also, I've noticed that sometimes, especially at longer chapters, there are words missing that were there while uploading, add that to the fact that I too tend to forget a few words here and there it can lead to a few missing paragraphs.. So please lemme know if there's a chapter, or a story with distracting amount of obviously missing words and I try to fix 'em.__

*Innocent Raccoon bows humbly, while throwing a mysterious wink, before retreating to make the keyboard jealous*


	8. Entailed

_[EDIT : Made a few corrections to some *ahem* interesting mistakes :D so Shamal's no longer trying to cook with a cattle (OMG like just no! HAHA) the way my brains seem to short circuit at times makes this one consider about getting a proofreader, or a little break. Feel free to hit me with whichever you feel would make the better difference.]_

 _/AN : It's unconventional day of release for this one, but as the fates would have it, 'tis the only time this week available, and that aside, a many bunch of thank yous for you all sticking with me through this journey, and especially **goddragonking** and **Bardiche3** for your encouraging reviews, you really warm a heart of a one little raccoon.  
_

 _And Dear Sacred Heart ; I am truly sorry to have kept you waiting this long, but I did warn it'll take time. I'm just not professional enough to balance through multiple works at a limited time as I can't keep my emotions from influencing my writing, or the other way around, so I need time apart between different kind of works even if had the time to write a lot._

 _However, the wait's almost over, your request is one final proofread away from completion, I try to get it done as soon as the time and my tired eyes allow. I only hope it will turn out to be worth the wait. Thank you for your patience, and my apologies for the wait._

 _Also, it might not be that convincing given how it turned out, but uh.. this was never meant to be angst times thousand, but rather an emotional drama with a lot more variety in it. I tried to correct the direction a bit with this chapter, but with all the problems introduced in the story, the angst can't be entirely ignored.. and I don't want to make filler chapters..._

 _Anyhow, this will be slightly different than most of the recent chapters, and closer to how chapter four originally was intended, with some obvious alterations, and before I babble too much again, I'll let you to enjoy the latest the chapter of this humble work as we take another look at things through Hayate's eyes._

 _Disclaimer : I own no single thing related to the MSLN-franchise, nor do I claim to do so, I wouldn't refuse if somebody offered the rights for me though.._

* * *

Love Left Unspoken

* * *

"When are you going to let her know?"

"I.. I'm working on it, it's not that easy."

"I don't even understand why you are fussing so much about it.. I know she isn't going to be happy, but she's not gonna get mad at _you_."

"Mmh.. Unless I keep hiding it she might.."

I sigh. Vita is right. I know she is. I should have already told Nanoha. I even got handed the perfect opportunity to do just so on a silver plate yesterday when she asked about our upcoming mission.

It's... It's just that.. How do I tell her she won't be able to come with us, to join our team, or even at least be assigned to the same unit? In the unlikely case she's able to get permission to be relocated in Vaizen at all, it would be to serve as a special adviser for the instructors training the local recruits. Her move to a same unit as me and Fate is blocked from above.

I can't help but wonder if it's only a coincidence, given the timing.. I'd hate to think that Fate could have something to do with it. It gives off too many mixed feelings.

While in a case such as this, having a trusted ally beside you, and being surrounded by people you love, can feed you so much energy, I also do understand how she could feel it awkward as things stand. However, it would give her a better chance at bonding anew with her at the same.. It's a difficult predicament, but there's another possibility that has gotten me a bit alarmed.

It's not that she wouldn't want to work with Nanoha, it's that she doesn't want me to be in the same team with her, or even worse, she wants to see if our relationship can survive the long distance and endless waiting that drew them apart before.. That is...something I don't want to think too deeply, but can't really ignore or shrug aside as impossible.

I.. should ask her directly, I just don't know how to bring it up, and if she would even agree to discuss it. If it's her doing, there's still a chance we could find an agreement. But if it's not..

"It's not even certain it's due to her request."

"Um-hmm.. It's just that if ain't Fate-chan, it would make the decision kinda final."

"That wouldn't still make it _your_ fault.. Honestly, Hayate, all you've done is stress yourself out these days," Vita shakes her head with a frown for my recent conduct.. And she's spot on, I haven't been myself, or rather, have been only half of me. I don't like the way I've handled the changes, and the issues, around me.

"Okay, so what I require's a change of pace, huh.." Trying to rid my head from needless worries, I sigh, and lift my gaze back up on the redhead wearing a red shirt that turns into a short dress on her, a pair of light blue slim jeans, and white socks with a bunny face on them. "..and for that, I need a dress up doll. Or two."

"That's.. Wait, Hayate!"

The blue eyes cower in fear facing the grin that rose on my face with the thought. It's been too long a while since we all had a proper cosplay party. Tonight, there's going to be a change in that as well. Once everybody have come home, we'll have one heck of a time.. Now, the question only becomes, which cast we'll dress up as..?

Watching Vita making her tactical retreat, I turn to leave the living room as well, and head to my bedroom to search through the cosplay set closet in hopes of a sudden inspiration. I've been too out of it to conjure up the perfect idea on the fly, so there's a bit of a need to wake my slumbering party-side and readjust myself to the proper mindset.

"Mmh~ Oh my, aren't you happy today? Good news?"

The moment I step through the door, I'm met with perceptive blue eyes catching on, and catching up with, the shift in my mood from the previous bad one from last night that had carried all the way through the morning until now, but felt turned a distant memory at the moment.

"Not yet, just wait 'till later," I wink in response as I brush her inquiry aside and proceed to browse my vast collection of cosplay outfits.

"Oh~ Unfair~" Nanoha groans, her smile belying the mock disappointment. "Say, how about we go out?"

"Hmm?" My head turns back on her with the sudden question, and I only blink without giving a proper answer.

"Doesn't have to be today, and...Well we _are_ going to the traveling carnival in two days, but uh.. I, just, um.. like, meant, like, just the two of us," An indescribably adorable blush creeps up on the cheeks of the woman asking me out as she stutters her invitation.

"Might you be...per chance, asking me out on a date, miss Takamachi?"

"Hmph~! Maybe.. I'm not telling if you're just going to tease me.. Miss Yagami-san," The flush on Nanoha's face only intensifies with my playful question, and it makes me stop rummaging my wardrobe entirely, as I can't resist the urge to hug her.

"Won't you tell me~ please, pretty please~" I try to put on my best puppy face, mimicking how the now abashed brunette's been bending me to her will recently, until now. I don't know what changed, and why, but she's back more to the time we both still kept our feelings hidden than the past week she's been doing her best to seduce me.. It's hard to tell which I prefer, as somehow this kind of Nanoha's all too cute to say no to, but it did feel a nice change being chased. Maybe what I'm looking for, would stand somewhere in between, I guess. But I can't say that out loud, I can't start demanding her to act in any other way than how she feels like. Whatever that means.

"If ya won't tell me, I don't know if I should agree.." Seeing my pleads fail, I tease her again, and release her from my embrace while turning my head aside for extra effect.

"Oh~! You're awful.." Nanoha groans for my actions, and hugs me from behind while resting her chin on my shoulder.

"You mean awfully cute, and sexy?"

"Now you're just getting full of yourself."

"Nah, I'd rather be filled with _you~_ " I tilt my head to see an adorably embarrassed blush mixed in aroused smile for the naughty play I twisted her words into. This, now, this is invigorating, and I really begin to feel much more myself again. Even if I feel a lot less calm than I make myself out to be. I'm shivering, badly nervous, probably even more than the woman holding me in her arms.

I don't know why I suddenly find it too hard to place my trust on Nanoha's feelings. As if I were looking for an escape route out of this by suspecting her, while I still try to seek out signs stating that it's all going to be alright. The damage I feared for is already done, the relationship between the three of us is left in ruins, but if I can't take the good that could come out of this, I will really end up losing everything. That's a scenario I do not wish to see played out.

"So, um.. How would, um.. tomorrow sound like?"

"I don't know if I can wait that long~"

"I.. I meant the d-date thing, the evening out," She frowns to hide her happy embarrassment, and stutters as she tries to keep the topic from diverging.

"Oh, yeah, that'd be fine. Ya didn't happen to pack up the red dress when you came here, did ya?" This would be precisely the kind of engagement the dress was made and bought for. And I've been dying to see her wearing it ever since my eyes landed on it the first time.

"We.. can pick it up then, I need to get some.. other things too, if I'm gonna go out."

I can take it to mean her vanity case, the extended one, not the small day to day make up pouch she carries along in her bag.

It gives me conflicting feels. While the thought of her dolling up for me flatters, and excites me, it also makes me want to say she's fine as she is, that there's really no need. She's already the most stunning sight in the whole multiverse. And that it's her heart and soul that gets my heart beating, not her appearance. Maybe it's due to the influence from living with knights who spend more time preparing for the field of physical battle instead of the battlefield of love, but I've never understood the big deal on cosmetics, well skin and hair care aside, that is.

Although, I do end up using a lot of time for dressing up and thinking about clothes, so.. I guess that's kind of same..? In a way.

"Say, Nanoha?"

"Hmm?"

"You up for a little cosplay show? I'd repay you, _generously_.." I add a wink to emphasize just what kind of payment I had in my mind, and seeing her reaction, I know the point got delivered home.

"C-could.. Could I ask it in advance?"

"Took the words right outta my mouth, honey."

I turn around in her arms, returning the embrace, and let my lips press on hers as we fall into the sweet moment of passion. Yes, let the mind wonder away from things that could come, and focus on the now, the things here at hand, and enjoy them. You've been face to face with unfavorable odds before, and still came out on top. Now with her by my side, there's nothing that can stand in our way, believe in it, me. Believe and don't let unreasonable burdens hold you down needlessly, for this will be our time. Our moment, like Nanoha asked me to, let's be selfish.. If I only could learn how to.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 8 : Entailed

* * *

"Ooff~ I knew I agreed to this, but.." Nanoha shakes her head while checking out her visage from the mirror. "..can I take back my words..?"

"Now, now, it suits you just fine," I can't help but grin looking at the image portrayed next to the brunette frowning in her pink cardigan worn over a white top and a long cream white skirt. Stepping in closer I take a good look at the woman wearing a red shirt and a black miniskirt with black long socks under the brown flats and with the long black wig tied in twin-tails with black ribbons completing my Tohsaka Rin look. Oh yes, it's so perfect! Tohsaka sisters, hell yeah~!

"At least with you leaving out the wig, it's looks like a normal everyday wear," Shamal sighs at the end of her sentence, and pointing out at her own purple hooded robe she emphasizes the differences in the attires of hers and Nanoha's. While it's sad to hide her sexy body under all that cloth, I find her to make an awfully cool Caster. I did have my doubts, but they're all gone now.

"And at least you're wearing clothes," Signum frowned at the black mini dress that covered just about as much skin as the unattached black and purple 'sleeves' on her arms, and that, let me state this now, makes her look indescribably hot. Particularly with the way her long pink hair is now left untied to better match the character she's portraying, she looks like she is more than ready to hit the bed, in various sense of the word.

"Ow, hauu~" Reinforce groans in a manner that would better suit another character I suddenly had the urge to dress her up as. But alas, that would have to wait as it's time for another series, even if we're missing the woman who shares her name with it. Oh my, if I wished I could dress Fate up as Saber, she would be perfect for it.. Maybe one day, maybe one day..

"Jeez, you all need to stop moaning. We agreed to this on our own, right? Besides, none of _you_ are gender-flipped," Agito steps in closer in her black sleeveless shirt, metallic collar, black tight pants, black plated shoes, and with a red coat covering her shoulders making it look like a scene of miniature Archer hugging Illya as she puts her arms around the girl wearing a purple long-sleeved shirt, a matching scarf, a white mid-length skirt and purple boots.

"Well, at least the rest of you more or less match the characters," Vita was the last one to add in her opinion in the white and blue hooded maid outfit. " _And_ have characters having more or less actual impact on the story.." Grumbling the last part so adorably, even if nearly inaudibly.

"Well, you refused to be Shirou, so.."

"Yeah, I know I know, I brought this on myself. The good part here is that this costume comes with an awesome weapon, so I don't look out of character if I started swinging Graf Eisen," The redhead whose red hair was covered under the white hood, flashes a hint of mad glint in her blue eyes that makes me wonder if I should have come up with another alternative after all..

"Uh.. Actually, you were supposed to be the other maid.." I whisper out my original intentions that had turned against me as I failed to factor in the detail that the two Einzbern maids shared an outfit. Even as the other had black instead of blue in it, it wouldn't be a big enough difference to bother the hotheaded knight if she so decided. Better if I left it be. "..So, everybody ready?"

With the question leaving my mouth, I turn my eyes on Zafira, who merely nods in his deep blue full body tights, and I cannot help but ponder whether his silence is a sign of approval, or if he only feels it to be futile to complain.. Oh, well, even with all the groaning, nobody's saying no, so it's all A-Okay.

"I doubt I'll ever be ready, but let's just get on with it."

"Yeah, no use complaining about it now."

"Hauu~ I shall oblige.."

"A Knight will stand true to her words."

"*giggle* And another will watch over her sisters in arms, or dresses."

"Well, what's the hurt anyway, might as well have some fun in the mean~"

"Alrighty~ That's my girls~" It's hard to contain my excitement after all the time spent fidgeting and worrying, and I'm starting to really feel like enjoying my time to the fullest. "Everybody, fall in character in : 3,2,1 – start."

"So, um.. I forgot, but uh, am I like adopted, or did you come to take me back?" Nanoha, I mean Sakura, turns to ask me about her role again. I can't blame her, it can get kind of confusing taken in all of a sudden, and I might have skipped a few parts in between..

"Nah, that's to come later, well, maybe, could be, so um, you'll be going with Sig- uh.. Rider for now," I nod at Signum, I mean Rider, ugh.. Anyhow, the tall and sexy Servant nods affirmatively to the homely young woman, and they turn to leave the room.

"Okay.." She mumbles the for the last time before disappearing to the hallway while taking a quick glance at me somewhat sad that we had to part for the story. Aw~ I'm so close to revising the already messed up and vague script..

"Since my Master's not here ordering me around, I'll just be down at the docks fishing. Have a fun fight, ladies. Come see me when you get bored of it," Zafira takes his role in too well, and with his awfully Lancer like manner spoken statement, he proceeds to march out as well. I let the fact that that part's not played out in the main game fly by..

"Hmm.. And I guess I'll go cook for my darling 'husband', even if 'he' isn't here, playing out some other role at a side of another woman.." Mumbling, the witch cloaked in purple turns to walk away while hiding her frown under the large hood of her robe.

"Alright, mam, young miss, or whatever, let's go hit the castle ready to kick some butt dumb enough to come to challenge us," The hotheaded maid grabs the little princess and starts dragging her out while saying something really ominous, giving an extra spice to her character that surprisingly doesn't fall too out of line with the role.

"Um.. I doubt my maid's supposed to be this rough.. Oh, but for this once, I will allow you to double as Berserker.." Trying to act more brazen, my cute little assistant's taking in her role much better than I thought, and the sight warms my heart as I turn to face the last actor left ready for the opening act.

"So.. I'll just have to be mean and sarcastic, and what was it – tsundere?"

"Um.. To put it simply, yes...and also firing projected magical relics."

"Sounds cool enough, but can't we change my name, even a bit? I knew a guy named Archer.."

"Tall, cool, mysterious, muscular, handsome, and sexy...for a guy that is?"

"Nah, that'd be Maste- oh wait he wasn't handsome, or sexy, just bulky.. No, that guy was a weird dude with glasses. One of the scientists picking on me, or was it Archibald..? Well Ar-something anyways.."

I hug the red and black little cutie reminiscing her too hideous to speak past, and rustle her hair a bit. I still sometimes catch her doubting if all of this is 'too good to be true', or a mere dream that will shatter if looked upon too close. I want her to believe it's all in the past, and that it's all going to be alright now.

"Ugh.. Weren't you supposed to be tsundere too, young miss? Not that I'm complaining.." She reminds me of the character I've chosen for myself, while adding some extra whispers that most likely weren't meant for me to hear.

"Okay, let's say that counted as the summoning scene, so.. Now, we'll set out for a reconnaissance mission."

I turn to face the door and motion to the Mini-Archer to follow closely behind, as I set to head out wondering around the house. Although I believe it should be the Servants duty to serve as the shield taking the first hit, I'm more comfortable with the idea of me leading the way. We don't want to end up ambushed by the maid holding a gigantic hammer only because my protector wants to pay a visit to her girlfriend after all. Although, seeing them cuddle in these outfits raises thoughts to a new pairing I've never considered before, but can't really stop thinking about now that I've discovered it..

Ignoring the sounds and the scent of Sha- ahem, Caster preparing dinner, I thread along the path to the living room, and stop still just before. I try to signal my servant to go check it ahead, but her attention is already some place else.

" _Something wrong, Archer?_ "

" _Huh? Ah, yeah, I mean no. I feel I sensed a presence of a Servant._ "

".. _That's just Caster cooking in the kitchen._ "

" _Uh.. Besides that.. Is the cataco- uh.. basement door unlocked?_ "

" _Was.. Don't hurt to check out if it still is._ "

Taking a quick look around the living room, that at a first glance would appear empty, we direct our full attention, and steps, towards the end of another side hallway that leads to the basement floor that had at some point been dubbed 'catacombs' by some of the kids visiting us for snacks and drinks while training at the dojo.

Trying to catch a whiff on anyone else possibly nearby, I move as silently as I can, my ears tuned to pick up even the slightest sound. I can sense their magic, so I know everybody's still close by, but it's impossible to pinpoint their location, my search magic's utterly useless without unison, so I'm forced to rely on my natural basic senses instead of my magics. Fortunately, Agito is more sensitive to her surroundings, but even she has her troubles finding skillfully camouflaged mages. Originally, she's more combat than recon attuned, after all, even more so after the time spent with Zest and Lutecia.

Actually, she's rather ill-suited to be Archer, ability wise...wait a minute, there is something after all.

"Can ya tap in the others' telepathic network?" I whisper to the crossdressing Servant beside me.

"That's more a Rein's specialty, but if it's not protected, I could, I guess.. It couldn't hurt to try," The Mini-Archer beside me frowns a moment in silence before resuming. "Okay, we're in."

I form a link through her to peak on any possible telepathic conversations..

" _That's one down!_ "

" _Literally._ "

" _Oh My God, they killed Lancer!_ "

..It seems everybody else got the same idea, and weren't all that subtle about it either.

" _You Bastards!_ " Might as well cut in to complete the reference.

" _Invading a maiden's privacy... What a naughty sister~_ *chuckle*"

Maybe that was a bad idea after all, even if it's just a game, that kind of Nanoha's way too eerie to handle. I motion to my Servant to cut the link before they can pinpoint our location. Even if it's too late for that, it's best if we didn't give them extra tools for tracking us. They're more than adequate to succeed in it on their own. In fact, we're the only pair who doesn't have the aptitude or skills necessary to find out where everybody's hiding.. I should've think things through before just diving in head first.

Breathing in deep, letting the air fill my lungs and spread the oxygen throughout my shivering body, and after holding it in for a moment, I breath out. Okay, come what ever may, we're ready.

I nod at the red and black clad girl readying her magic, and push down the handle. As Agito had deduced, there's somebody here, or at least the door's unlocked. Even if it's for diversion, there's another way out to the yard we could use to slip by the two whoever are awaiting at the porch, ready to ambush anybody stepping out the front door.

The dark dimness of the stairway down reminds me of all too many horror movies I used to love watching, too much apparently, given all the reminders emerging in a situation calling for a cool head. Not good, even if this is just a game. Somehow, I'm all too fired up to think about being eliminated, not at this point. I know I should've taken the time actually make up a proper script to follow, this kind of open ending leaves too much for interpretation and a sheer chance. And recently, the Lady Luck hasn't really shone on me. Not enough to rely on my fortunes.

Then again, thinking this from another perspective, this does serve as an exercise of sort, in a way.

Stepping further down, at the end of the stairs, I pick up a voice, and another, and stopping right at the turn before the source of the sounds, I signal my Servant to raise her combat readiness. I have a bad feeling about this. My 'dear sister' and her Servant are more than enough match for the two us as it is, but at a field forcing us on a close combat it's..

"How you feel about this?"

*Gasp*

..something that completely slips off my mind with what my ears pick up.

"You're full of surprises, *phew* I never knew you were _this skilled_ with your hands."

"*chuckle* Being a Knight is all about refining technique, after all."

"..Mmh, tell me about it~"

And now, I have _really_ bad feeling. Okay, what's going on?

"Are they, 'recharging mana'?" The redhead beside me widens her eyes in an acted shock. At least I think it's all an act. There's no reason to doubt that this is just..

"Hmm~ Then how about this? You're not the only with _talented hands_.."

"I can see that.."

..All right, I'm going in, now.

"Got'cha!"

"Huh?"

I'm caught by pink bindings lifting me in the air, arms tied, as soon as I turn around the corner. I can only twist my head to see my red Servant having suffered the same fate. And turning my head back, I see a frowning brunette untangling the strings from her fingers stopping her game of cat's cradle, and placing the yarn in her pocket, she approaches me with a worried look on her face.

"Either you're not taking this seriously 'cause it's just a game, or you've been seriously slacking off. You were way too easy to lure in."

I...have no comeback. I was caught up in the earlier relaxed mood, let my guard down, and as soon as something a bit out of ordinary happened, I allowed my curiosity take the better of me.

"One month, huh. Okay, I guess that's enough to whip you back in shape," Nanoha ponders by herself a moment, before turning her attention on my bewildered gaze. "You honestly believe that I'd let you go on a dangerous mission just like that? After that kind of performance? Nuh-uh, not gonna happen."

"I agree with Nanoha," Signum joins in from further back wearing a kinder, but equally firm expression as she continues while stepping in closer. "I'm also starting a new special combat training with Testarossa. We all need to raise our levels much higher, I am no different."

I shake my head at the notion. While true, we need to be at our hundred percent, and more, to ensure every member's well being, I still wouldn't call our situation 'the same'. The levels we need to increase to reach a sufficient state, are a whole universe apart. She might need to prepare, get a little practice under her belt before her skills are called into a real live test, but I'm in a serious need of catching up, and improvement. After all, I haven't even ever been that useful in a battlefield to begin with, not without enough people to shield me while I charge up.

"Seeing how Zafira got done in from the get go, I ain't the first to drop off stage. Still, it's kinda sad to have to give up this early. Even more with the way I met my defeat.."

"Hm? Aren't you misunderstanding something, _sister dear_.." The blue eyes glimmer as wicked as the voice of their owner echoes inside the basement. The sight and the sound of the brunette leaning right next to my face raises as much shivering chills, as weirdly, a burning excitement within. "..You aren't _dead_ yet. More like a...guest. A one I am going to take _good care of_..*chuckle*"

Now, that's a serious turn on. And I can't believe myself. Never in my life would I have thought I enjoyed this kind of play, tied up, helpless, completely at her mercy.

"Should I.. Give you some privacy?" The pink haired Servant asks her Master with a smirk, and an arced eyebrow.

"Hmm.. No need, not just yet anyhow, I think we'll take our time, slowly, _slowly~_ " Who responds in kind keeping her seductress play on.

One other thing I didn't know, Nanoha makes an awfully good Dark Sakura, even as she's, supposedly, unfamiliar with the whole series. I guess there's still, even after all these years, parts of her kept hidden, some maybe even from herself. Even as it's all part of a play, I can't help but wonder, what other kind of sides she holds I've yet to discover.. And if it's something that goes against the image I have of her engraved inside me, am I ready see them, or do I even want to know in the first place?

I know I want to accept her as whole, with whatever secrets she bears, but is it possible?

I have no doubts that I would love her despite it, but could I come to say she's still beautiful even in all her ugliness?

And could she ever come to say that for me?

As I fall back riddled with insecurities I thought driven away, I vaguely hear the women beside me agreeing on cooperation against the little princess and her Berserker maid. I try to shake the unnecessary worries aside, even if only for a while. I need this moment of break away, to gain the strength required to shoulder the responsibilities I've laid on us all too carefree.

I want to, no, _need_ to prove Nanoha I can support her unfaltering, that she can rely, and trust me, with whatever she still holds inside. I need to be that for her.. Or I will crumble down in my doubts.

That's...to come later. For now, let's enjoy the rest of game, and make my captors regret they left me alive. I'm so going to win, this time.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

* * *

In the end, despite all my scheming, the Nanoha-Signum tag team proved to be just as superior as it looks on paper, and the proud winners wished the Holy Grail, that turned out to be a kettle Shamal was using, an exquisite dinner. While I am a bit taken aback by their lack of ambition, I am also glad it didn't turn out to be anything as outrageous as the women in question kept hinting at during our mock war.

Holding the nearly emptied glass at my hand, I sigh, feeling as spent as emotionally invigorated by today's events. We had a blast, and the food did turn out to be the most delicious our blonde doctor had ever managed to conjure up, but it did raise a question if all my teasing had made her practice in secret..

"Now what could you be thinking about that's so much more interesting than me?"

I turn my head left to meet a frowning brunette.

"Just that we should do this, or something like this, a lot more often.. And what kept _your_ mind busy? It wasn't me who fell silent first."

I gulp down the rest of the wine, place the glass on the table, and seeing Nanoha do the exact same, almost at the same time, I can't help but let out a small laugh. And turning my attention back on the woman sitting next to me, I see her reaction wasn't all that different.

"Hmm.. I was.. I was just lost in my memories, reminiscing, how there was a once an evening quite alike this."

"It wasn't _that_ long ago, though," Not enough to make it sound so nostalgic.

However, I can't say the thought didn't rise on me as well.

"Two weeks.." The blue eyes close for a moment, before she opens them up again, and moves a bit closer. "..Can I?"

I nod. I'm not entirely sure what she asked permission for, but I do have a vague guess, and seeing her shift her legs a bit further again, I know I got it right. My heart starts beating, rapidly, not unlike the night when everything began to change. I breath, slowly, and watch the auburn hair fall on my lap as Nanoha lays her head on top of it. To complete our reenact, I start brushing her hair softly with my fingers, while patting her back with my left hand.

"It's actually full two weeks tomorrow.. Everything's happened so fast, and it still feels like an eternity," As her head settles on my lap, she starts speaking softly, and falling back in time, I inhale the fragrance of her hair, taking my secret medicine to calm my heart, fearful on just how she'll continue. "You were right, in a way."

She pauses, and I almost ask what she's referring to, but stop myself, and merely brush along the back gently, waiting for her to resume. If it's something hard to say, I don't want to make it any more difficult and obstruct her thoughts, in case I guess things wrong.

"I really did love Fate-chan, a lot, more than I realized.. or is it that I just wanted to forget..?" Her voice echoes gentle, and full of warmth, and I can no longer keep myself from cutting in.

"In past tense?"

"Yeah, past tense.." She nods at her own words while turning her body around on the couch, repositioning herself to lie on top my legs face up. I flash a smile, and place my right hand by her hair again, brushing along it, on the side this time. I see her closing her eyes, trying to take a calming deep breath, and diving right into my eyes the moment she opens hers again. "I guess there's still some left lingering.. I don't know, remnants, fragments, memories, little things haunting."

"..." I open my mouth, but no words come out. I want to ask her, ask if it means it isn't as over as she had told before, but even in my failed efforts, the thought conveys, and she answers to the question unvoiced.

"I told you, it's final. There's no going back, not anymore," The blue eyes glimmer a mysterious light lit along her words. I feel myself falling in a deep well, to a small sphere, becoming a world left only for the two of us, as her presence enraptures me again. "I'm here 'cause I want to be, not because I have to, and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. Oh.. Uh.. Well, maybe I would try to be less jerk, or indecisive.."

I can't help but smile at the sweet woman in my lap. Her face is just too adorable when she frowns at her own conduct, and hearing her saying she really wants to be here, with me, brings tears in my eyes. It doesn't erase my worries, or fears, entirely, but her words made me happier than...actually happier than I've been during this whole time, and all kinds of emotions I didn't even knew I kept confined and bottled up within, begin to slowly emerge.

"..I've been unfair, it's my fault you lost one of your dearest friends, and my fault you kept stressing out, enough for it to hinder your work.." Her eyes keep glued on mine, and even as her voice quivers as she goes on, she doesn't stop, only pauses to take a short breath. "..Relationships don't entail hardships, or responsibilities alone, it can, _should_ , also feed you the strength to face the hurdles brought along. That's what I want, to become your strength, not just to borrow yours, but face it all equal, together."

I close my eyes, feeling too many emotions to make anything out if, and feel her hand rises on my cheek, and further up, wiping the tears forming up in my eyes away with her gentle touch. I open my eyes again, and see her smiling a loving, warm smile, as gentle and soft as the hand caressing.

Unable to control my actions any more than my emotions, I lean down, and answer her with a kiss instead of words.

Lowering my head, I see her lifting hers, and I wrap my arms around her to support and ease her awkward posture. And feeling our lips brush, and press, together, I close my eyes losing myself to the sensation it brings.

Her sweet taste, her soft feel, I cup her lip between mine, and feel her shivering breath. Releasing her lip from my hold, she responds by locking mine in return, and her arms come around me, pulling me closer.

Having my lips set free, I open my eyes to meet the entrancing gaze full of passion, and desire, and I'm sure my eyes reflect the same emotions, as I press my mouth on hers again, letting my tongue lick along the outlines, wanting to taste every bit of her in my selfish need.

Her fingers dig in my back, and her tongue laps on mine, sending me even further over the edge. I don't want this moment to end, but I pull back to keep what little control I have left. This isn't really the place for this, after all..

And I already regret, and curse the voice of reason, watching Nanoha shivering in my arms shivering, and burning, her needs unsatisfied.

"I don't want to hide this, this, what we have.." She frowns as she speaks, breaths a few times in frustration, before resuming. "..It's not a crime, and we shouldn't feel like it was."

"True," Everything she's said, told, confessed, makes me want to go back on my words from before. I had been set on to get us all come clean before letting this go further, not wanting us to become a 'real couple' until everything was clear, and out, with everybody involved. I haven't done that good a job following that decision, however.. "But there's.. one thing I haven't told ya I should've, and in a way it does relate to this right here."

Her gaze sharpens as she shifts her attention from her own musings to hear a confession of mine. It's not as lovely, or heartwarming, but it's something better not left untold.

"I can't put you on my team, the one I've been assembling and preparing for the next mission.."

I swallow nervous, I don't know just when I shut my eyes, but as I open them up, I see her less bewildered than I thought. It's like she was expecting it.

"I had a feeling there might be something like that.." And her words confirm she really did. "..Tell me, is it Fate-chan?" Nonchalantly, she throws the question that I've been pondering as well in the air seemingly without a care in the world, as if it didn't really matter.

"I don't know, could be.. I doubt it, somehow.. I had asked for a chance to have you on board beforehand, and got the news the day before we spoke on it. Trying to reassemble RF6 ain't that easy, ya see.. There's more than just asking if you'd like to tag along, especially with senior officers held in high regard. They really do wanna keep you hidden away as their secret weapon, or a treasure, instead of actually using your abilities to ensure there ain't no enemies to point their guns at."

It's just so stupid. I mean I do understand not wanting to go around showing all the cards you hold, but if you aren't going to use them, then what's the point in collecting them in the first place? For all the arsenal TSAB holds, it's awfully stingy about it. Even in emergencies. I don't care if it's about bureaucracy, but we're really going to fall, crash, hard, if nobody learns the word adaptability. There might come a day and an enemy the conventional means just won't work against.

"The thing's this.. If the high-ups, those above me," I remind the brunette that I am not as high in Bureau hierarchy than she sometimes makes me out to be. Not enough to get things actually done without somebody backing me up. At least they've stopped fussing about the origins of my magic, and aren't treating me as just a flimsy little girl. "If they catch on us, it's gonna get that much harder getting you transferred on my unit."

"So be it. If I can't be both, I'd rather be your girlfriend, than a subordinate."

I feel my mouth gaping with her statement, said so firmly determined, that I am honestly surprised my jaw's still attached to me, I felt it drop down real hard. I think I might've blinked as well, and I'm definitely blushing, bad.

And so is the woman lying on my lap now that she realizes what she just blurted.

"Uh.. Okay?" I want to slap myself.. Ugh..

Nanoha giggles at the nervous conduct, mine mostly, but I can see her starting to fidget just the same, and letting myself sink into the thought of us..

"Um.."

"Say.."

..We both lose the ability to speak, apparently, but one look deep in her eyes reveal me all I need to know about what she wanted to ask me. Something I wanted as well, even more after her last confession.

"Yeah, let's go.."

A bit hesitantly, not wanting to part from my embrace, I think, or hope, she rises up, and turns to help me up by my hand right after. Not waiting for confirmation, not uttering another word, she begins to lead me towards the bedroom we have come to share for the recent days. I don't know if I'm going ahead of myself, but I can say, with all honestly, that this marks the happiest day in my life.

The real start of us, our journey, together. And as nervous I feel about it, I can't help but feel giddy, and excited.. I really have fallen for her, haven't I? And even as she hasn't said a word about it, not straight out loud, but I feel I want to trust that the feeling's mutual.

The bewitching blue eyes turn to smile their seductive smile as we stop to open the door, and I forget everything else but the moment we're left in, just the two of us and nothing, and nobody else.

* * *

 _/AN : I tried to incorporate some of the issues Nanoha and Hayate have had in their little cosplay turned roleplay, but I'm kinda worried how it went, as in hopefully, I just didn't turn this into a parody..  
_

 _Also, e_ _ _ven as I loath Shirou,_ I really love Archer, so cool!_

 _Well, other series, and my preferences aside, if you felt this chapter lacked impact, don't worry, the next one's gonna have enough to cover this and many more. We'll have another chain of events set in motion, or rather, accelerate a one initiated a few chapters back._

 _Excited? Well, this one is, for sure (:_

 _Thank for reading this, and hope to see you in next chapter as well, and if you don't mind, please be a dear and share your thoughts, in good and bad, via review._

*Innocent Raccoon bows humbly, takes another cup of coffee, and sets out for some serious proofreading*


	9. Endured

_/AN : Hello, what's up guys, how's it going? It's been a while, and I hope everybody's feeling alright, I know I am (: And sorry it took this long to update ): There was a lot going on, trying to start my life anew, and even as I meant to only take a short break (a few weeks tops) everytime I tried to write something I came up with nada.. :S But it's all picking up again, and hopefully it don't take that long to get my groove back on :)_

 _So, many a thanks sticking with this one still, and special thanks for **meylahalfrenza** , **goddragonking** , and the unnamed guest for your reviews *Bows* I do appreciate the feedback, even if I'm honestly not that hung up on the numbers (maybe cuz I suck at math, HAHA!), but yeah, much appreciated still. :3_

 _It's especially nice to hear I'm doing alright, despite being worrying my cute little butt off all the easy mistakes I keep on making. I just hope the praise won't get to my head! :D_

 _And now, thanks for meylahalfrenza asking about it, I thought if I hadn't addressed the issues I meant to as much as I should've, so I'm trying to put more focus on revealing the background (slowly but surely) that's lead us up to this point, and also, I'll make a brief summary about the character relations and revealed reasons here. If you don't feel it necessary, feel free to skip this cursive part._

 _Nanoha and Fate had broken up, just under 8 weeks before the start of this story (Hayate spoke about six weeks but that was either to have it sound better, or she simply just got it wrong, haven't decided if it matters..) just before Fate left on her latest mission. And one of the main reasons given is her dedication to work that made Nanoha feel underappreciated, and lonely, driving a wedge between the two. With Nanoha not talking about things, or moreover, not talking about or going through her feelings properly, they couldn't solve the issues between them properly. Whether it's just the common story of drifting apart, or there's something else is something to be found out._

 _Fate, however, don't see things as simple as that. It's shown that she blames Hayate either for their break up, or stepping in between them, or a bit of both. The reasons Fate feels so strongly about it haven't been revealed, but are something that's going to come up in a near future._

 _Now, there's still a bunch of unanswered questions, and a lot of unsolved problems between the three women, and I hope this chapter answers a few, so please do enjoy the latest chapter from Fate's POV to any and all of its possible extents._

 _Disclaimer : I do not own, nor hold any rights on any part of the MSLN-Franchise, but I'm hoping they'll still make a yurige out of it._

* * *

Love Left Unspoken

* * *

I sigh. I have been doing that a lot recently, and as things stand, I doubt there's going to be much change in that. Especially when I'm alone. Around others, I've more or less learned to keep things held in. It's obvious they don't buy it, I am not that good an actor, and truth be told, it doesn't bother me at all. I would be more worried, and sad, if no one cared enough to pay attention to how I truly feel. I really have come to rely on everyone's support, haven't I..?

I don't know if it's a good thing though. Well, at least it made me realize I am not as alone as I first felt. I just...wish I won't become a burden. Another newfound habit, wishing. While not sighing, or crying, I have done nothing but wishing, as if it would make a difference if I just kept closing my eyes turning them away from reality.

The truth is, I know half my wishes won't come true, no matter what, and the other half that could, would require doing something more than just daydreaming.

The problem becomes this, I can't choose which dreams to reach out to. The ones I really desire, feel unattainable, and the ones at hand would, most likely, close the path I have so long been set on.

Placing my keys on the familiar lock at a familiar door to a familiar house that has been twisted into a symbol of pain inside me, I try to shake away the unnecessary thoughts, and as my eyes fall on the window pane, I spot the glimmer of light reflected through the glass. A detail I had completely missed before when I arrived. Either the lights had just come on, or I was just too out of it to pay attention, but the fact remains that there is someone inside.

Somehow, I had not expected her to be home, or wished she wasn't, and I don't know how ready I am to meet her. Especially here, where there are so many memories of us lingering all over.

However, on the other hand, this could give me an opportunity I've been waiting for..

If she's alone that is.

"..I'm home.." Out of a habit, I announce my presence as I open the door and step in. "..Nanoha, are yo-"

My voice cuts out with the appearance of a woman I so badly wanted to see, and very much feared I did. She turns to nod at me with a faint smile over a face lost deep in thought. I guess it's happy things going through her head this time. Feels depressing not being even able to dream her expression could have lightened up from just seeing me.

Having acknowledged my entrance, Nanoha turns away to resume whatever she was doing not registering any of vague motions I involuntarily make to seek out her attention. I guess she's busy, or that she doesn't really want to spend time with me in her underwear only.

Even as I try not to stare, my eyes are drawn to the visage evoking complex torrent of emotions.

Her long auburn hair, now flowing free rid from the usual sideways ponytail, glistens in the light reflected still wet from the shower she had only just now taken, or so I take it, and the scent lingering in the air kind of confirms it. Hmm, persimmon, I think? The soaps, shampoos, and conditioners she buys always have the weirdest - if still sweetest - fragrances, but somehow this reminds me of..

"You sure it's- ah.. Hi?"

"Yeah, hi.."

..a certain short brunette I once thought to be one of my closest friends, and now my eyes and ears can both confirm my nose right. Unfortunately. She steps in through from the back, seemingly a bit embarrassed being suddenly caught in just a plain white bathrobe, and walks up right next to Nanoha altering her gaze between me and her.

"You were looking for something? Um, want some help?" I offer a hand just to get out this awkward mood. Even if I just went about my own business it would still loom around us way too disturbingly if things were left the way they are, so at this point, just about anything will do for distraction.

"Hmm.." Nanoha shuts her eyes in deep thought before turning to face me. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about the jewelry box, do you? You know, the one where I put the pendant gotten from Arisa and Suzuka on my twentieth birthday."

"Huh? I thought I told you? I changed it, the box I mean. It was way too obviously holding something of value. So I put all the things that thieves would want that would fetch a price in the shoe boxes in the bedroom closet," The blue eyes turn duller with each word I let out, as if I had been doing something uncalled for. "What?! If you believe we can't get burglarized just 'cause we're respected Bureau officers, think again! That's the very line of thought the criminals are counting for. You have _no_ idea just how many cases like that I've already run into in my career."

"Now you're just being paranoid, for a change," Nanoha rolls her eyes at her unnecessary line at the end, before opening her mouth again. "We have perfectly functional security system that's linked to both Raising Heart _and_ Bardiche. We know the moment anybody even tries anything stupid."

" _I know_ , it's just that.." A little caution can hurt no one, but I stop my sentence facing the woman who seems to have no intention on settling this peacefully.

"Oh, don't tell me it's all 'outdated', again, or is it just that you just can't trust anybody else but you, oh scratch that, you can't trust _anybody_. Really, it's just like when for years you kept thinking there's something going on with me and Yuuno-kun. With no real basis to it, lemme remind you."

Excuse me!? Look who's talking? Remember the other day? Seriously, just why's it got to be like this, every time. Every – single – goddamn – time. Forget about patching things up, we can't even spend a minute together without it turning to a fight if Vivio's not around.

It would be, _everything_ would be just so much easier if she'd come out and say she hates me. But she never does, just like now, for all the spiteful things she says, she looks more hurt than angry, and it makes it all feel that much worse.

"I don't know if it's you being possessive, or just insecure, but it's suffocating, *sigh* even now."

"I know.." I swallow, and let my eyes fall deep in hers. Even if I hadn't read her diary, I would feel it, and all I can do is apologize, even when I know it doesn't change anything. "..I'm sorry, I really am."

Nanoha opens her mouth, just to close it again. I had expected for her to say something like 'it's a bit too late', but she doesn't.

"How do _you_ live with it?" Her voice echoes melancholy, and her eyes gleam sympathy, as if reaching out to me, but before I can answer her call, I see a short brunette taking my place beside her. It really hurts to see it now. I can't say anything. She was there, I wasn't. She supported her when I couldn't. And now, she acted while I stood still. And I feel petty for hating her, but I just can't let it go, I just can't forget how she promised she'd support us. I'd never thought she didn't include herself in it when she said she'd do her best to let _nothing_ _or nobody_ come between me and Nanoha.

"It's not that I don't, or didn't, believe in you. It's the people around you I can't trust. _For a reason_.." Not letting either one of them have their chance for a comeback, I walk right past the two women still munching on my words, and my change in attitude, and head right on to the bedroom to pick up the clothes I came for.

Although, I don't even check if I actually got them. I just throw all I can find on the bed, and grab a few plastic bags, and shove the clothes right inside. I can iron them when I get home, it doesn't matter how wrinkled they get, if they're not packed neat, actually, I should just burn them all..

Having cleaned out my portion of the closet, I pick up the box with the pendant Nanoha was looking for, and start juggling with it and my baggage as I head back in living room.

"Here, have a nice night out, I know I will," I throw the box on the sofa, and just walk outside as fast as I can. Watching them makes everything feel too final. It's not a bad dream anymore, it's worse, it's real.. "Goodbye, Nanoha.." I open the door...and don't look back.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

Chapter 9 : Endured

* * *

Clenching the bag lying on the bed beside me, I frown. I had acted on an impulse and made things worse, I think.. Yeah, it definitely didn't make anything easier, or cleared the air between us, that's for sure. I only hope I didn't just do anything irreversible. Not that things could go back the way they were in the first place, that's also certain. I realize it now ; I've been clinging on to a ghost only I could see.

But somehow, it hurts less than I expected, while it hurts more than I can take.

It's confusing, the emptiness. The shadows within. The dream of illusion. The fairy tale I build my life upon wasn't made into a story. It was a fleeting dream, a love left unspoken, and now all the words held confined in past come haunting with nothing on my hand to stop their mocking voice. And still, I'm out of tears to cry, and this nothingness hurts more than the pain I felt before.

As it tells me I'm giving up.

"Fate-san? Hello, wake up~" A familiar and gentle voice calls me out of my shrouded thoughts, and I lift my gaze back on the screen hovering in front.

"Um, yeah, sorry.."

"Oh, I thought I lost you.." Ginga frowns while hiding a warm smile as she resumes. "..I can call another time, or day, if you're feeling tired or need some time alone. I understand."

"No, it's alright," I shake my head. Even as I'm not feeling all that social right now, being left alone is the last thing I'd want, or not, but it doesn't really feel the best of choices anyway. "I just.. don't know what to say, or how.. I mean nothing happened, nothing significant, nothing new.." Well except that I ran off, again. Then again, that's hardly something new, now is it..?

I sigh, and combing my hair back with my fingers, letting them cross as they meet at the back of my head. I lean backwards, take a deep breath, before lowering my gaze from the ceiling to the screen and the woman on it once again.

"Then don't say anything, the last thing I want is to make you feel worse. If you're not up for it, then it's okay if you don't talk about it. I won't lie and say that I wasn't curious, but I don't want you to feel pressured just for my amusement when you're in need of just the opposite."

I get a weird feeling, watching her consoling me, and something inside me tells me to pull back. An instinct warning me I'm doing something I shouldn't, and I can't help but remember the few days back when Ginga came to visit me in this very room.

The way she came close, the expression on her face, the feeling of us at a breath's distance. It doesn't matter how things stand between me and Nanoha at the moment, I still can't believe I could even consider anyone else but her, even for a second. It's no excuse it has been so long we've held each other warmly in our arms, too long, and even longer since we've made love..

I've never thought it as something that important, it's not to say I didn't want, or like it, no quite the opposite, I loved the notion of the ultimate sign of our love, it's just that I never deemed it essential for me, as a person. Or so I thought. Reading about her need to feel touched, and loved, the lonely emptiness creeping in, I realized that while not as badly as her, I need it too, the closeness, the intimacy.

..And I guess Ginga only happened to be there at the moment that need awoke, or something. I couldn't do that, not to her, not to me, and.. no.. I still refuse to believe in life without Nanoha, even if it's getting harder and harder seeing us back together ever again, I'm not ready for anything that'd risk my fears come true. Or rather, anything that'd make me realize, and accept the reality around me..

"So..." The green eyes flicker with a glint of expectation, as I'm pulled back from thoughts to face the dear friend on the other end of the call. "How about a change of topic? Um.. Or that's to say, how about..? How'd you feel about coming over? Here, at my place, tonight?"

I blink at the question, and a bit at the face making the request. I'm not...overthinking this, am I? There's definitely something, something deeper behind it than just...it's something more than your casual invitation for a girl's night. Oh, jeez, why I keep thinking about it, about her like that? It's almost as if I was looking for something between the lines, when all she's doing is just being friendly, and probably just unsure on how to react with me, with everything, like this.

"It really could do you a world of good.. And I know Vivio's not home for the night, so you can't use her as an excuse. It's really been a while since we've had the chance to sit down with a good bottle of wine and save the world as we share the latest gossips," She winks playfully at the end raising a small giggle out of me as I shake my head at the way she phrased her invitation. I don't know how, but she can always find the right words, it really helps a lot.

"Okay, you convinced me. I'll...give it thought, hmm?" As soon as I'm about to agree, something stops me, holds me back, and even while she doesn't flinch even the slightest at my indecisiveness, I can't help but feel I'm letting her down, somehow. "I'll come by around seven...or, make it eight," And I end up giving in without even fully realizing it.

"Seven thirty?" Her eyes beam more excited than I've seen her be for who knows how long, even more so than when I agreed to go visit the carnival with her and the others. And this all only serves to feed the nagging feeling within. The unnerving voice telling me I am falling more and more off the course I wanted set for myself.

"Um, let's stick with 8 pm. I'll grab Chinese on the way," I try to keep the growing uneasiness held in, and appear as normal as I can, all things considered.

"Alright, it's a date."

"Y-yeah.." I blush involuntarily at the word 'date'. I know it doesn't carry that kind of meaning, but I still can't help myself from falling out of composure.. "S-so, um, I'll be hanging up, and, we'll... talk more, later, see you, later, at eight." ..and stutter in a manner that makes me cringe at my conduct.

"Yeah, see you later," Ginga smiles letting up small giggles at my sudden nervousness, not letting it bother her or turn the mood anymore awkward than I already started feeling.

"Yeah, bye."

"Bye~"

Closing the screen with a smile and a wave, I rise up from the bed I was sitting on, and start looking around for something to put on for the evening...And it isn't really necessary, is it?

I don't need to dress up when I'm just visiting a friend, oh, well I do need to have something to wear, or that would kind of not only be inappropriate, but also awkward. Oh, yeah, I already got clothes on, so that part's done, no need to worry about leaving the house naked, although, it wouldn't be a bad idea to at least change this shirt. Ugh, forget about throwing it in laundry, I should just throw this out, aaaand, now I do need to find something to put on after all, and just why am I being like this all of a sudden?

I really need to calm down, and stop thinking about stuff that isn't there, and think about stuff like, um...Juice! I'll go have a nice refreshing glass of juice, now that ought to do the trick.

I walk up to the fridge trying to put all my focus on figuring out what juice I'll have, not really paying attention to my surroundings, and immediately come to regret it.

"So~ What's getting you so excited? Hot date coming up, hmm?"

I nearly jump at the sudden scare as mom creeps up on me from behind in her purple cardigan, a blue long skirt, and mischievous smile on her face. I turn around to meet her with a frown.

"It's not a date, mom, and stop scaring me.. Jeez, sometimes I gotta wonder which of us is really the older one here.."

"And you my dear, should stop frowning, it'll give you wrinkles, and you're _way_ too young to have a wrinkly face. Unless, of course, you're set on looking as if you _were_ the older one, hmm?" Mom rustles my hair as she giggles at her own words, before assuming the playful smile again. "And it _does_ look like a date from where I stand."

I can't help but cringe at her words. Does it really appear so? I don't feel...well I do feel unnecessarily nervous, in an odd resemblance to the times I started dating Nanoha. Although we had been playing cat and mouse for a few years before we could honestly restate our truest feelings. And still.. Somehow, as if we didn't consider we'd need words ever again, our honesty was left at our gestures, our bodies, our presence, but rarely spoken.

The worst part is – I knew it couldn't go on like that, not for long, and still I let it be as it were. I can say I didn't want to pressure her, that wouldn't be a lie. I can say I tried, and that would only be a half a lie. In truth, I merely became relaxed, no matter what happened, no matter what was going on, no matter how long was I ever away, she was always there, always waiting for me, ready to greet me with a smile and a warm embrace. I took it all for granted, and I never made the effort to fight for us, to solidify the foundation, to root out the seeds of the poison ivy we could feel starting to grow beneath, and between us.

And I never bothered to make her fall in love with me again. I never knew how much she needed it, not that she would've told me, not outright, but I didn't even bother to ask..

"Don't worry, dear. I'm not judging, and neither should you, or anyone for that matter, you _are_ entitled to a little fun after all you've endured."

Mom hugs me, apparently misunderstanding my expression. It wasn't the 'hot date' that got me worried, it was all the mistakes I've made that I can't take back that laid this veil of gloom.

"Ugh, mom... That's- Never mind.. You're going somewhere?" I cringe, and shift my focus on her attire. Although I shouldn't put it past her entirely, it isn't like mom to just change for fun. Well, if not anything else, it does provide a change in topic at hand.

"Oh why, I got a hot date too!" Mom winks playfully. "With the good old folks from the 'hood."

For the umpteenth time today, I frown, with a groan this time, as much for the way mom said it as for me needing that added extra line to dispel the weird misconceptions she gave away at the first. The very thought of her on 'hot date' would be way too out of this world, or the next, even if it sounds kind of rude being put like that.

"Please tell me how it went after. I wanna hear all the details on who's cheating who, and with who this time," I sneer at the memory of the first, and the last time I attended the neighborhood committee meeting. The only actually related topic circulated around whether to import and plant sakura or cypresses from Earth.

"I doubt there's much change in that from what I can gather," Mom rolls her eyes at the jest, just as bemused at the majority of the meetings' contents. "However, there might be a new resident on the way, a small one at that."

"Hmm? Like a pet? Familiar?" Mom only laughs at my inquiry, and then it hits me. "No way! Who?"

"It's nothing confirmed, not yet anyway, but all the signs are definitely there," Seeing my enthusiastic response, mom teases me by circling around the topic. "All right, alright, fine. My my, aren't you impatient? And who's the child again now, hmm?"

"I am _supposed_ to be the younger one, now gimme the details – Who? How? Why? When?"

"Remember the young couple on the second floor?"

It takes me a while to try to remember all the young people living at the condo, even if there aren't that many of them, especially couples. Most people around or below my age I've seen have been visiting their parents, or grandparents, or are just too young to start a family just yet.

"The brunette who's always smiling and the tattooed blond boy?" I hesitate a bit on my guess, as I'm not certain they even are dating, but they're the only two people living on the second floor that I know personally. I came acquainted with them by a sheer chance after chasing after the woman mistaking her for Nanoha from afar. And now that I think about it, it seems so silly mistake, as she looks nothing like her. Even her style, or should I say, especially her choice of clothes is way too provocative to imagine them on Nanoha..

"Bingo. As to how and why, I'd say those things just can happen with young people living under the same roof, and for the last bit you'd have to go and ask the people in question," Mom winks in the middle, causing a faint blush to creep on my cheeks with the notion and the mental image it brought.

"But as I said, it's still unconfirmed, so you might want to hold off the congratulations for the time being.." Mom throws a smile at the manner I squirm excited about the news. I've never really taken that much interest in gossiping, but good news like these still get me pumped. "And now back on the real question, who's _your_ date, someone I know?"

I groan, and sigh dejectedly. My efforts in trying to evade the topic turned out but a moment's delay.

"Ginga, and still not a date, just two close friends having a few drinks, some dinner, and a random movie."

"Somehow I'm reminded of a certain orange haired assistant and her blue haired friend I've heard you ever so often refer to as c-"

"This is different, really mom, it's- ugh.." My voice cuts off as I stop to think just who am I trying to convince here. I know she is only teasing, rather than seriously suggesting anything, and all I do is to add in the flames with the way I act.

"Be that as it may, I'm still happy to see you finally get on with your life. It's good to take your time to go things through properly, but that can't be the only thing in your life, or it'll all come overwhelming, believe me I know. I don't know how I would have managed after Clyde's death if I didn't have to pick myself up for Chrono," Mom smiles sadly for the memory, before hugging me once more and turning her lips upwards right after.

"Thanks, mom. But I still have no clue what I'm gonna wear...and that doesn't make it a date!" I snap at the woman picking up her smirk as I voice the complaint she purposely misinterprets. Pouring the orange juice in the glass, I shake my head, and proceed to drink it all in one, uh, make it two gulps. It was a lot colder than expected.

"And who's been playing around with the fridge again? You can't set it up below 32, it's not a freezer."

"It's also not a place to store your gadgets," Mom throws my intergalactic communication device that feels a chilly at my hands. So that's where I put it.. I mean, whoops.. It's not like me to misplace things like that. "And it is just around 40 degrees, so you're barking up the wrong tree here."

I blink hearing mom's words, and pour myself another glass half full, before putting the juice back in the fridge. Was I just looking for a conflict, some place to redirect and vent out the stress from these wrecking nerves? That too is so not like me. Or maybe it is, I don't know, we came to have that a lot with Nanoha in the end. So I guess it could kind of grow as a part of me. A part I'm dying to rid myself of, if it's so.

"You could borrow my white blouse, the one with frills on the neckline, if you feel like putting on something that's not black. I take it you'll be wearing the black tight jeans?"

I'm called back from my thoughts, and it takes me a moment to process the suggestion. Hmm, now that wouldn't be that bad a choice, but I was already set on the black knee length skirt..

"You don't want to overdress and send out a wrong message, _if it is_ just two friends chatting it up that is," As if reading my mind, mom throws a wink after adding up some unnecessary words after her reminder.

She's right though. Once again. And I nod agreeing.

"Okay, that solves that problem, now all I gotta do is try to wash and sort out this mess of a hair.."

"Oh, I got that new shampoo and conditioner they've been advertising a lot these days, you should try them out. They really do work wonders, or at the least it'll give a nice soothing fragrance."

"Oh, well, why not. If you're giving away your precious treasures, who am I to say no. Who knows, might just be what I need, if it really does work wonders.." I shrug jeering lightly at the woman usually so protective of her miracle care products that, more often than not, end up being just the regular stuff you'd find stocked in shelves of a local convenience store, just overpriced.

"Oh, that's good, they should put that as a commercial line : 'It'll give you a hair so smooth it'll calm down even Fate-chan'" Mom sneers right back, and giggles at her own joke, again, raising a slight frown back on my face, again.

"Jeez, mom~ Really!? Ugh, and now the roles reversed again.. Tch, _even_ me.. I'm not _that_ bad," I roll my eyes, shake my head, and leaving the now empty glass on the sink I set out to hit the shower.

But the thought, or rather the thoughts, creep on me deeper as I walk my short journey. I've really been having nothing but gloom, or snappy attitude. That's got to change, and 'hot date' or not, this will probably be a good thing, a night out. No, not probably, definitely will be. Even if I can't rid the remnants of me and Nanoha from my aching heart, I could at least ease it all with a light genuine fun. Ginga's never let me down on that department after all. She's really a friend better than I feel I deserve.

Having picked up the blouse, and the jeans mom recommended, I walk up to the bathroom, undress, and let the soothing stream of water clear my head for at least the next few minutes, hoping it'll last even after I'm done showering.

* * *

MSLN FF – Love Left Unspoken

* * *

"Mmh~ So delicious, and so much calories, haha!"

"Ooff, tell me about it, I really wanted to skip tomorrow's morning jog to preserve my strength to at least try and keep up with Vivio and co at the carnival, but I definitely need to work this off.."

"Pfft! Oh please, you got no worries there on that department, and I'm not just throwing out cheap flatteries, I'm saying it green with envy, mean deep green, see! Look at these eyes, green, right? That's me looking at your figure," Putting the cup and the chopsticks from her hands down on the table, Ginga points at her eyes drawing her face right next, and it's hard to refrain from laughing even if she makes herself out to appear dead serious. Or is it because of it?

"Yes, I can see that, so much jealousy it's starting to grow seething between your lips? Oh wait, it's just seaweed that's stuck in your teeth," I smirk at the purple haired girl on a casual light dress matching her hair now leaning in a bit too close for comfort, and get her to rise up a bit before she falls over me.

Ginga puts her fingers on her lips trying to find something to use as a mirror as she fails to find the strand of seaweed anywhere. I'm having so much fun looking at her like that, that for a moment it takes all I have not to laugh out loud, until she remembers an important detail.

"Wait! Hey! There's no seaweed in any of this! Yo- You~!"

"AHAHA!"

We burst out laughing, feeling a wee bit dizzy already despite just having opened up the bottle. It's been so long a while since I've drank anything alcoholic even just sniffing it starts having influence. I really need to be careful not to end up in too bad a condition for tomorrow. And I also feel another reason to be cautious around the subject, as my 'date' for today leans her face closer on me again.

"Stay still.." Wearing a serious, focused expression, she pulls her finger right below my lower lip, and takes a short strand of noodle stuck on my face. "There!" And before either of us realize what's happening, she puts it right in her mouth, and blushes right after.

And I can feel my cheeks heating up just the same.

"U-uh.."

"A-aw.."

Unable to utter proper words, we just stare, eyes clashing, both our cheeks flushing from deep pink to bright red, and I feel the heat beginning to grow inside my whole body. Even more as I realize Ginga's been drawing closer all this time, slowly, slowly, and despite all the screams I feel inside crying out the wrong in this, I don't see myself pulling away.

Lost in the green eyes filled with mysterious daze, I see a reflection of myself, and it makes me feel that much worse. It's as if there was, anticipation, that I barely recognize. A me I've ever seen reflected from the blue eyes I yearned to lose myself in. A feeling that's reserved for _her_ and _her alone_. Or so I had sworn, and thought.

"Fate.." Once again dropping the honorific, as I've heard her done a few times along the past few days, Ginga mutters my name from under her breath, now having nearly crawled over into my lap. "..I love the way you smell.."

My eyes fall away from the gaze beckoning me in, to her lips, and I see them quivering with the same expectation I caught a glimpse of from my own reflection. This _can't_ happen.

Not just for Nanoha. Even if I had given up and moved on as I feel I'm pressed to do, I couldn't. Not this fast, not this way. It wouldn't be fair if my heart wasn't in it hundred percent. She deserves so much more.

However, I can't seem to pull away, still, and merely hold on to the empty cup of stir fry in my lap hoping the girl hovering right above won't stain herself, and feel lost being unable to come up with nothing else to think about. All reason fades with the way my body aches to be held, to be touched, to feel the presence of another soul, another person, skin to skin. It's driving me mad, and trying to escape the feeling, I can't help but remember the second to last entry from Nanoha's diary.

 _51 days after_

 _The kiss! Oh God I can't believe I forgot about it! I even wrote about it! Ugh, stupid Nanoha! But uh.. I guess I just wanted it to remain a dream, it would've made things easier._

 _Ha! Like anything's gonna be easy on this mess.._

 _Yesterday, I confessed, in a way, and in a way I ran away, again. I don't know since when I became so scared of feeling, but it feels to be just about all I do, running away from emotions, running from things that complicate, running away from truth._

 _I need to talk to her, I need to let her know, I need to tell her, I need it. But I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve with it.. The best I can hope is for us to put it all behind. I want her, want her close, much more than I ever realized, I don't even know since when. Now that I think about, it feels an eternity, as if the feeling was always there, even as I know it can't be true, but I do know I don't wanna suck her dry of her vibrant life the way I will if she'll let me.._

 _Still...we need to talk. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, or if I'm just going to make things worse. All I know is that I can't bare to hold this in any longer, I feel I'm about to explode, and if I do, she needs to know why. After all she's done for me, I owe her at least a moment's honesty._

 _Hello, again, hehehe :)_

 _We kissed_ _, again, and without a drop of wine at that, and guess what? It was her kissing me first! Aaaw~! that feeling, I just can't explain it, I'm just all flutters now and I can't stop squealing and squirming just remembering it...or imagining it happen again. I just can't wait to see her again, and I know now, it's not just some fickle desire, or just because she happened to be there. She's not just filling a hole I've drilled inside me, no, I feel she's completing me in so many ways. It can't be other than that, right? That feeling._

 _I know she's scared, she really doesn't wanna hurt Fate-chan, and I get that, I do, but if you think about, she'd want me to be happy, right? And I'm sooooo happy right now!_

 _I don't even feel so stressed about meeting Fate-chan anymore, she'll understand, I'm sure she does, and who knows, maybe she's found somebody new too...it could happen. Actually, I'm pretty surprised nothing like that's ever happened. With the way you're held up together stranded away, all the intensity, stuff other people wouldn't get even if you told them, you'll bond with your partner in a way that's like asking for something to happen. Or I don't know, maybe I'm making excuses so I wouldn't feel guilty.._

 _I don't know, but I'm sure I'd be happy for her if she'd find someone, someone who makes her feel the happiest girl in the world._

 _I just feel kind of sad it wasn't me, that I couldn't become that someone._

 _But I do hope she'll find someone who makes her feel the way Hayate makes me feel._

 _And I need to let her know, that it's alright, that it's time to let go, time to live, and love._

 _Until then I'll just be cuddling this plushie~! HAHA! I'm just so happy._

"Fate-san?"

A soft voice from just above awakens me, and I realize I've closed my eyes.

"I-I'm sorry.."

"Don't be.." I don't know anything else to say, and I don't know what's she's apologizing for, but whatever it is, I don't want her to feel guilty, or show me such a sad face. "..You've done nothing wrong."

"O-oh.." Ginga blushes at my words, and pulls back at the other end of the love seat. "I... I just wanted to let you know I didn't call you here with this in mind. I can't say I didn't have my hopes, but I-"

"It's okay, really.." I rise up, place the empty cup on the desk, and pick up a bottle of ginger ale that I've left mostly untouched. We settled on beer instead of wine as a last minute change, as it tends to give us an awful headache in the next morning. Though, right now it feels a futile effort. My head aches from all that's running through it as it is so..

"No... Now that I've already come this far, I need to confess.. I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"I'm a lousy friend.." The green eyes glow a dim glint of sad for a moment, before falling back in longing daze as she continues. "..I, I actually wasn't all that sorry hearing you and Nanoha having broken up.. I- I mean it did hurt, seeing you hurt, but I.. But I couldn't help but feel that.. Hope that, maybe now I didn't have to hold this in, these in, m-my.. my feelings for you, they aren't just those of a friend."

"I... I kind of got that," I smile sadly. I did get that feeling from her, but I didn't want to think too deeply about it, to break the status quo, I wasn't ready, I'm still not. Clinging on to each little word or gesture from Nanoha that tell me she still has feelings for me I'm holding myself back, even as the love she has for me, is to let me go.

Funny how, in a way I knew all that from the beginning, from the moment I came back and saw her again. But now, all I've done is trying to deny everything that's confirming those suspicions. Without her, everything just feels...so empty. So meaningless that I've kept hanging on to a dream I knew to be untrue.

"But I'm sorry.. I'm just not ready.. I'm sorry I've lead you on.." Smiling sadly I watch the woman shaking her head slowly with a soft smile on her face.

"Don't be, I kind of had fun, flirting with you," She smiles, takes a sip from her bottle, and turns to face me again. "And I am not about to give up. You're an amazing, beautiful woman, and I'm crazy for you Fate, and I'd be mad if I didn't try, with all I got. And if I still didn't manage to get you running away, now that it's out, I'm...already a half way there, right?"

I blush, involuntarily, and feel a smile creeping up on my face, and even as I shake my head at her newfound confidence and determination, I can't help but feel warm, if faint, flutters inside. Not wanting to let things get out of hand again, I focus on my bottle, and take a good long sip, ending up swallowing half a bottle, and turn my head to my left again to see she wasn't putting up a brave facade, but is still smiling, warmly, letting her inner feelings show on her face clear as a day.

"Now before things get too awkward, let's get to that movie, hmm? Then we'll finish these babies, have a little fun, and have a blast tomorrow, and by the end of the day, I hope you can tell me how'd you feel about going out for a cup of coffee with me. I don't wanna rush you, we'll go at your pace."

"Don't start jumping ahead just yet," I wink at the girl, still in disbelief by the sudden change in her attitude, but not really that taken aback by it. In a way, it does feel good. Makes me feel – confident, about myself as a woman, in a way I've never really felt before. "Let's just focus on the movie first. So what do you got for us? And don't tell it's something to set the mood right," But it's still far too early to start jumping on to, anything, beyond friends.

"Haha! Oh no, you caught on to me!" Ginga burst out in laughter, and I find myself giggling as well. "Well in a way yes, but like I said, I wasn't expecting this kind of turn of events.. So, it's a comedy."

"Oh.." I startle myself with the way I sounded almost disappointed.

"A sexy comedy," She winks as she rises up to fetch the film, fresh cold drinks, and potato chips.. "And hurray for calories~!"

Watching her antics, I begin to feel that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be that bad, not entirely impossible, to give her a chance.. I just don't know if I'm ready, or if I'll ever be, but at least, if I want to move on with my life, it would great it was with someone like her.

And for the first time since my return, I've actually started to think about life without Nanoha...but all of it ends up smothered by the question : why has it stopped making me feel – sad?

* * *

 _/AN : So, how am I doing so far, now that we've reached the half way mark? I really hope I'm not going too OOC with the characters here, even with the unpresented (or unlikely) scenarios I want to keep a certain level of authentic, and have this feel believable._

 _Next up here will be, as probably guessed, the carnival - a day of light fun, chance encounters, and intense emotions :O and of course with a little twist in the story and how the next three chapters will be told, so look forward to it :) hopefully it won't take this long to update next._

 _*Innocent Raccoon bows politely, winks, and retreats to scheme the next chapters*_


End file.
